When O LORD, When

When O LORD, When?

Thank you for forgiving my sins JESUS, I really appreciate it. Thank you FATHER in heaven for sending your son JESUS to die for my terrible sins. I could never ever ever thank you enough, not ever!

I am learning O LORD that whether I am stuck in addictions or not, your love never changes for me!

Or I should say instead - JESUS I am learning about your love very slowly over the period of my long life.

You are teaching me JESUS that even when I do not love myself, you still love me the exact same as always!

And the truth is, quite often I do not love the way I am too much. I might even go so far as to say that sometimes I do not even love myself. But the good news is, as I look back on all of the years of my life, it is drop dead clear you are changing me JESUS.

I mean even though I still mess up a lot, it is clear that you are changing me and I am so thankful for that!

Sometimes I wish the changing/sanctification process would go faster, that is for sure. Because I still do things that I cannot stand! I still make terrible mistakes, I still make bad decisions in a semi regular basis in my day to day life.

Even though I want to be changed faster, I also know that your timing for changing my life is absolutely perfect JESUS. For you are perfect LORD, you never make mistakes, you never sin, you have no darkness inside of you, all of your timing is perfect!

Many times I wish you would go fast and hurry up changing me to be more like you LORD, but you know what is best for me! I can see the entire key here is to trust your timing, your plans, your situations for my life that you have designed for me O LORD.

I can see that even though I make a lot of mistakes, your love never changes..... This is a great GREAT lesson to learn so thank you!

I just praise you JESUS. Even though the darkness inside of me does not want me to praise you, I praise you anyways JESUS! I know one day, one day soon when I leave this earthly place the darkness will be gone forever. Oh what a glorious day that will be!

I can see LORD that as I keep messing up - you are teaching me just how badly I need you in my life day to day, hour to hour, minute by minute, so I praise you for teaching me this.

It is shocking when I take notice how much you teach me while I am in the terrible valley of the shadow of death experience! I am starting to see just how IMPORTANT those terrible valley experiences truly are for our spiritual growth!

But one day, one day soon O LORD GOD I am going to see you face to face in heaven, and the valley of the shadow of death will be gone forever for all of eternity!

One day soon, oh boy one day soon the flesh will be all gone forever. Oh what a great day that will be as we enter into heaven!

One day soon, one day very very soon the demons will be gone forever as I leave this earthly body you have given me and become a spirit.

The flesh and the demons will be gone, oh wow what a great thought that is tonight!

But in the meantime, whether I fail you once again or not, you are slowly teaching me that yes you do truly love me! To learn that you love me is a very very very HARD lesson for me to learn. And I still doubt quite often that you truly love me!  I am glad you are teaching me this topic, because you loving me JESUS is extremely important to learn!

I know when the evil angels are pounding me over and over again on how you do NOT love me, I gotta punch through those lies and deceptions!

Yet at the same time, the lies that the demons whisper to me can seem so real sometimes and I seem to fall into them over & over again!

O what a wretched soul that I truly am. Who could ever heal me or save me? Nothing but GOD'S son JESUS and his blood!

Help me to stop falling for the lies of the demons O LORD when they whisper bad things to me I pray! 

Help me LORD, have mercy on me I pray. Help me to stop doubting your love for me. I am just terrible on this specific topic.

Help me to learn better O LORD that you actually love me. Help me to believe this biblical fact I pray! Let it sink deep in my heart JESUS that you actually love me. Help me lord because I struggle with the fact that you love me!

I mean it seems, it just seems to me that quite often you do not love me. I know I am under attack when this happens but it seems so real.

Help me to get it into my thick skull JESUS that you actually love me. That you will never leave me nor forsake me I pray! Have mercy on me I pray LORD.

I have no idea what you will do to me JESUS, but however you do it, please help me to learn much better that you actually love me. Or in other words JESUS, help me to stop doubting that you love me, that you care about me. Help me on this specific topic I pray! Crush the doubt I pray O LORD.

Help me to stop doubting your love JESUS, because those kinds of demonic attacks are so devastating, so deep, so personal, so evil! As soon as I start doubting your love LORD all hell seems to break loose in my life.

Help me to learn that you love me JESUS.

I mean I can learn guitar, I can learn piano, why is it so hard to learn that you love me JESUS? Why O LORD?

I learned martial arts, I learned bass guitar, I learned how to use software, but how come I cannot learn that JESUS loves me?

Make the changes in me JESUS where I need to be changed I pray!

Turn my life around to you LORD even though it seems impossible sometimes. Even though I get so down, so hurt, so messed up sometimes, I pray that you will turn my life around amen!

Do the miracles in my life JESUS where I need them done....... I am so helpless without you LORD.

Help me to trust you more JESUS, I just hate it when I doubt, I hate doubting. I hate it I hate it.

I hate being a puppet of the demons. I hate being satan's little toy...............

I want to ask you to move faster in my life O LORD, yet your timing is always perfect so I will stop myself from asking you! If I slip up and ask you to move faster JESUS in my life, then the tests, trials, tribulations and temptations will come to fast for me!

And when that happens, I will be in even more trouble than before! They will be coming so fast they will tear me to pieces.

So LORD GOD, I do not want you speeding up my sanctification, no no no just go at your perfect speed even though I do get impatient at times in my life!

I just wish I could love you more JESUS.

I fully admit it that I do not love you enough FATHER, I do not love you enough JESUS..... I admit it, it is true unfortunately for me.

I pray you will give me grace to love you more in the very very near future, I really pray this with all of my heart!

But I am NOT going to ask you to speed all of this up JESUS, no way!!! You are perfect and you know what to do with me.

I have asked you to go faster in my life before, wow was I ever sorry I did that!

What a HUGE mistake I made in the past by asking you to go faster in my life as far as changing me, WOW HUGE MISTAKE!

I do not want to make that mistake again............

So I just simply say tonight - Please help me to know better that you love me. Help me to stop doubting your love for me I pray!

And I just simply ask - Help me FATHER, help me JESUS to love you both more. Help me to love you both more than I do tonight, much more than I do tonight.

Because I do not love you both enough! I surely do not. How sad, how unfortunate for me.

I do not love people enough either I just don't. How sad this truly is.

I admit it JESUS, I do not have enough compassion like you do, I just simply do not have enough compassion for the things you are compassionate about.

Who could ever rain down mercy on me? Nobody but our LORD JESUS.

Boy I am not going to rush things anymore LORD, that is a complete fail when we Christians try to go faster than you! Wow HUGE mistakes....  I guess just simply send my fiancee' to marry me when you want her too. Why am I trying to rush it anymore? How dumb was that?

I guess just help me to love you more JESUS at your own speed, I mean why am I trying to rush you?

I guess LORD teach me at your own speed that you do love me, that I can learn this better and better in the near future I pray.

I know I do not deserve you JESUS, that is for sure. Honestly speaking, I do not deserve anything at all.

Yet you O LORD are so generous, so loving, so compassionate, so giving, so humble, so incredible!!!

I need you much MUCH MORE than I have you tonight JESUS. I pray that you will completely change me from the inside out. How shocking it is JESUS that you keep blessing me day after day, night after night of my sinful life, how shocking!

You are far FAR more incredible than children of GOD think O LORD JESUS.

When O LORD, when?

I wish I was different tonight, I mean I really really do but why rush you JESUS? What is the point of thinking I know better than you?

No JESUS I do not know better than you, there is nothing in my entire life that I know better than you do.

I am a complete failure LORD JESUS, yet you are a COMPLETE SUCCESS... We make a perfect team!

I sin all the time yet you JESUS never sinned. And you never will sin. Now that is just amazing!!!!

I constantly make mistakes yet you never made a mistake JESUS. I need you LORD yet you want me.

Can we children of GOD even begin to understand how amazing you are LORD? Of course not! That would be absolutely impossible.

So yes JESUS, I do pray that you will help me to learn better, to know more that you do actually love me, I really need help on this topic.

And yes I do pray that you will help me to love GOD and yourself JESUS more so than I do now. This is really important to me I pray. Because my level of love for you JESUS is absolutely pathetic... It is shameful and I admit it so I do pray for help here too!

And to finish up LORD, no, NO I AM NOT going to ask you to go faster in my life.

I am not going to ask you to teach me faster or change me faster or sanctify me faster. I did that in the past - Wow what a COMPLETE FAIL that turned out to be on my part when you sped things up for me!!!

I want to be so much more like you JESUS, I really do but your so darn amazing LORD, you are so far above anyone else on earth!

I do know 1-2 people who are walking with you very very closely JESUS and even those two people are NOT EVEN SHADOWS OF YOU LORD. They are not even close to being like you JESUS....... You are eons and eons above anyone else in all of existence!

I really wish and pray that I could even be a tiny bit more like you, even a tiny bit more like you would be shocking and wonderful to see JESUS!

Even though I am a complete failure, I praise you JESUS. I praise you!

You are absolutely incredible JESUS and I am NOT!!!! I am cool with that..........

Sincerely, Garrett

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