Wrists Cry Tears of Blood
*One of the GREASTEST testimonies that you will ever read!
My Testimony is approximately 75 pages long. If you want to read it all right now, just simply scroll down below.
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If you would prefer to read it over a period of time, I divided it into 7 different chapters for you. I HIGHLY recommend that you start with Chapter 1!
Wrists Cry Tears of Blood
*Tonight was just like all the other terrible nights that I suffered through this past year. Sitting in my apartment all alone in the dark, with sad music playing on the record player, I walked slowly to the kitchen to grab the biggest, sharpest knife I could possibly find. The loneliness, sadness and depression inside of my heart and soul were just unbearable, and I couldn’t handle it any longer. My fiancee had left me for another man approximately six months earlier, not really caring that when she left, she had shattered my entire heart and soul. My whole life was built up around her, so when she did leave, I felt like my universe was being ripped in two. Yes we were having sex together, and I didn’t know this was a sin at the young age of 19. So because we had become one through sexual intimacy, when she did move out of our apartment, my soul felt like it was being tortured to death.
I noticed that sever loneliness and a terrible emotional pain had crept its way into my life starting at around the age of five. The pain I am talking about is a deep emotional feeling of intense hurting inside of my soul. It is a feeling of complete emptiness and abandonment. Growing up my Mom was very sick, and she just wasn’t able to spend the time with me the way that she probably would have wanted to. So as a very young boy I found myself alone quite often. JESUS creates us all to be very unique, and in his great wisdom, He decided that I was going to experience severe loneliness and depression for most of my life, starting as a very young boy. There were all different kinds of abuse going on in my family, but because all of my family members are still alive, I don’t want to mention what was happening so as to NOT get anyone in any legal trouble. But unfortunately, just like most American families, there were the same abuses in my family too. At the age of five, and going forwards from there, I would cry quite often because of the loneliness and pain I was feeling inside of my soul. It was that terrible hurting and pain in my soul that stayed with me for years and years to come. As a very young boy, I had no idea that this was just the beginning of decades of loneliness, depression and sadness ahead of me.
*Night after night I found myself alone in my apartment, where I would sit on my couch in the dark with a knife in my hand, trying as hard as I could to find the strength to end my life. At the time, I had no idea it was JESUS himself who was stopping me from killing me. Over and over again I would hold the knife really tightly in my right hand, trying to find the courage to cut my wrists as deeply as I possibly could, but in my soul I always felt a very powerful wall up that would not allow me to go forward with this plan. I would sit there on my couch with all of the lights turned off with tears falling down my face in complete misery. On the one hand, I couldn’t handle the loneliness and sadness not even for another second, but on the other hand, there was that powerful wall up stopping me from hurting myself in any way shape or form. Life went on this way for a very long time.
I had met my fiancee three years earlier one day while playing basketball at school. She was with her cousin when they both came up to me to say hello. We hit it off right away, and started talking on the phone almost every night. Her family was Sicilian so her Dad was very much against her seeing me. In fact, he absolutely forbade her to ever have contact with me in person or on the phone. The only way we could be together each day, was to use incredible deception. At the age of 16 we had to sneak around like secret agents just to be able to see each other for a few minutes. It actually got so dangerous for us, that her Dad hired someone to kill me! Her Dad put out a contract on my life, but praise JESUS that once again he kept me alive when I should have been dead. At the age of 16 I had no idea just how involved JESUS was in my life, but I am very thankful that the LORD was there because her Dad was a very dangerous person. Things got so dangerous that we had to actually run away together. So we secretly ran away from home and started a life together at the age of 17. Little did I know that just one year later, she would throw away everything that we had built up together, so she could cheat on me with another young man that she had met at her job. All of the late night promises we made to each other – GONE. All of the plans and goals we made together – GONE. All of the times we held each other really tight and whispered in each other’s ears – GONE. All of the times we put ourselves in incredible danger, just so we could hold each other for a few minutes – GONE. And for what? For absolutely nothing. After she left me, I later found out that she had dated that young man maybe for one week and then moved all the way back home to her parent’s house. It is quite possible a short time later, her Dad sent her back to Sicily.
*The days dragged by, slowly turning into weeks, the weeks crawled by turning into months as my life was completely unraveling. I had absolutely no energy to get out of bed in the morning to go to work, and coming home alone to that dark empty apartment at nighttime felt like someone was torturing my soul with terrible pain. The sadness and loneliness inside of me were so bad, I couldn’t focus or concentrate on anything. My mind felt like it had a thick fog covering it preventing me from thinking clearly. The emotional pain inside of me was very deep and it felt hard to breathe sometimes. My mind felt fractured and I was very irritable and angry at life and the entire world. Of course I had to pay all the bills by myself now that she was gone, which really didn’t help the situation either. I didn’t have her income any longer to help pay for our brand-new car or all of the other bills that came each month. So, on top of everything else happening in my life, I now had severe financial problems. There were many times when the only thing that I could afford to eat was oatmeal and bread; I really couldn’t afford anything else. Praise JESUS I was working at a fast-food restaurant, where I was able to get a free lunch every day. Looking back on that tonight after all of these years that little taco shops turned out to be a great blessing for me. Praise to JESUS who planned out our provisions for us since the beginning of the foundation of the world!
I prayed every night when I went to sleep, but I had no idea who I was praying to. My view of GOD at the age of 19 was that he was something or someone out there in the middle of space. A few years earlier, one of my family members happened to get into legal trouble; this is about the time that I started praying to GOD. I started praying for this family member each night to my generic GOD. I have no idea why I started praying at the age of 15, and I really didn’t know a single thing about GOD, but maybe JESUS was slowly getting me ready for much more interaction with him in the future. My prayer life from age 15-19 was a short prayer at bedtime lasting about two minutes to a GOD somewhere in the sky.
SOMETHING INCREDIBLE HAPPENED!
*It was another terrible night alone in my apartment. I was about 19 ½ years old now and I found myself with all the lights turned off, and of course with sad music playing on my record player. I was holding the same knife in my right hand that I had held really tightly many times before. It was around midnight or even a little bit later and I was starting to get very tired. I was lying down on my couch trying to get enough courage to end my life once and for all, and then something happened! Something I cannot explain. I have no idea why, and I’ll never understand this, but while holding that knife really tightly, I CRIED OUT TO JESUS for help!
When I woke up the next morning, I noticed that a few things were a little bit different. I didn’t know why I felt better, but I really did. My mind was a little clearer now, and my soul felt much lighter. The pain inside of my soul, which had been there since the age of five, was now either gone or, it seemed to be pushed way off into the background. At this time in my life at the age of 19, I had never heard a single word about JESUS. Also, I had never read the bible or ever had anyone preach to me about JESUS or salvation. JESUS had kept be completely isolated from hearing about Himself or his Word up to this point in my life, so when I say I had no idea why I was feeling better, I really didn’t know. I didn’t know that it was the presence of JESUS inside of me that was helping my soul and mind to be set free. All I knew at this time was that I felt like I was on fire. Not on fire in a bad way, but on fire in a very good way. I didn’t know that I had become born again, and I didn’t give JESUS the credit for this either. Not because I was being mean or evil, but because I truly had no idea what had happened to me.
The days were turning into weeks now, and I was feeling much better than before. Even though I wasn’t reading the bible, or praying, or doing anything at all with JESUS, I was still in a much better mood then at any other time in my life. I noticed I had a brand-new feeling inside of me to watch Christian TV. I found myself on sundays being strangely attracted to trying to find Christian preaching. I had never thought about doing this even once in my entire life till now, but there was definitely something very weird going on here. It’s almost impossible to explain how this felt, but it was like a very powerful pulling inside of me to watch preaching. I found myself each Sunday morning channel surfing trying to find a Christian show or event to watch on TV. This was back in 1982 and there was very little Christian television at that time.
SOMETHING VERY STRANGE WAS GOING ON
A few weeks had passed by, and I quickly learned that there were two Christian pastors on television each Sunday morning. I would watch one show until their commercial break, and then switch channels real fast to the other one. I would switch back and forth like that watching both Christian shows just about at the same time. This went on for a few weeks, until I noticed something very strange going on. I noticed each Sunday when I watched these shows that my spirit inside of me was feeling ill or sick, or it felt like it wanted to throw up. Once again this is very hard to explain in words, but my spirit felt literally sick each time I turned on the Christian television shows Sunday morning. So because of this, I naturally stopped watching Christian television. I had found out later that both of these pastors would be caught in terrible sexual sins while being shamed before the American public on Television. Before I quit watching permanently, one of the pastors on their commercial break was offering a bible for free! I had no idea at the time why I called their 800 number, but I called the live operator, answering all her questions, and little did I know, but their bible showed up at my door about one week later. The bible was quite large, and it was dark brown all over. I think it had the name of the pastor’s ministry on it and it was actually quite beautiful. I had never really seen a bible before except for a few minutes when I was about 10 years old. I loved all of the colored maps in the very back of it, and I enjoyed studying those maps quite a lot late at night after work.
WHY CANT I UNDERSTAND THE BIBLE?
I use to love to read the bible after work each night. I would sit on my favorite chair with a coca cola close by, and open up my huge bible to read it. Now a problem occurred, as I read the bible night after night, I realized that I couldn’t understand it. I read a lot of the various stories in the Old Testament and New Testament, but I couldn’t understand the English it was written in. Once again this was approximately 1983 now and the bible they sent me was an Old King James Bible. So even though I was able to grasp a little here and a little there, I really couldn’t understand what I was reading. I had nobody to explain it to me, of course because I had no friends, so as the weeks passed by, I found myself putting my beautiful bible on the table where it stayed for a very, very long time.
I did have some spiritual success renting Christian movies. JESUS of Nazareth was available at the video store, so I rented it 4-5 times usually watching the entire six hour movie in one setting. That movie and a few other movies like the Ten Commandments did help somewhat, but trying to learn about being a Christian by watching movies was never going to work, and it didn’t!
During the time in my life from the ages of 19 - 22 I started taking my guitar playing very seriously. Because I had no friends and there was nobody to ever talk to, I started practicing and playing the guitar for hours and hours a day. It is during those three years where I went from being a good guitar play to a great guitar player. My Gibson Les Paul was my best friend; I spent thousands of hours playing it. Music was a very important part of my life, and no matter where I went or what I was doing, I always had music on at all times. I loved everything from Mozart and Beethoven to heavy metal, and everything else in-between. I had placed an ad in the paper to form a rock and roll band, and after about one year of putting the band together and rehearsing, we were able to record a demo tape of four of our songs. Our band was very, very good and we approached one of my family members who happened to own a huge record company in Hollywood. This family member granted me about a one hour meeting in his office and took our demo tape and videos promising that he would give us an answer soon, if his record company was going to give us a recording contract or not. Well week after week went by and we never heard back from him. The band members and I were feeling really nervous now not knowing what to expect next. Since our music was soooooo good, and since we were family, all of us expected him to sign us to a recording contract right away. Well a few more weeks passed by and not only was I sick with the flu, but I couldn’t sleep that well either because of nerves and anxiety about this situation. After about 45 days, the recording company called me on the phone. I will never forget this as long as I live. I had just got home from work at about 5pm at night when I heard my home telephone ringing. Well, the news on the other end of the phone wasn’t good at all. I was told that although our music was good, they couldn’t sign us at this time, and they quickly hung up the phone on me. I put down the receiver and I was in complete shock. I sat back on my chair in my living room in total silence; I couldn’t do anything but to just sit there staring in front of me. All of our plans for the future were based on him signing us to a recording contract. We had been working on this for almost two years and its all we talked about or thought about. Now that they said no, it seemed like once again my entire future just got sucked up into the vacuum of space. As I sat back in my chair in total silence and shock, GOD talked to me for the very first time in my life. Well the first time as far as I know haha, I am sure JESUS had been talking to me my entire life every since I was a new born infant baby. Sitting back in my chair, staring ahead and dying inside, GOD said ( IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY). After GOD said it doesn’t matter to me that the record company said no, I immediately felt better. In fact, from that moment on for the next few years I really didn’t even care much that they turned us down. I so praise JESUS for that supernatural message and the super natural miracle he did for me. Sure, the rest of the band was very disappointed, but I was able to now function with the bad news on a day to day basis not really caring anymore. Over the next year a few other tiny record labels offered us a recording contract, but their stipulation was that we needed a different lead singer. Well, I understood their point, but I wasn’t going to replace my lead singer because of all of the work we had put into this band together. So my ROCK STAR career was down the drain forever and looking back on all of this now, I so THANK JESUS for this.
SALVATION SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERTIPS
A few more months had passed by, and I was still all alone and very isolated. I was 20 years old, working a full time job and coming home alone each night with nobody to talk to. I had no idea that as a Christian, I was supposed to go to church. Nobody ever told me to go to church so how could I possibly know? JESUS in his incredible wisdom had kept me completely isolated from anyone and everyone around me. Likewise, I had no idea that I was even supposed to pray to JESUS let alone seek him out day and night for fellowship. Let’s include the bible too; I truly didn’t know that we Christians were expected by GOD to read and study the bible on a regular basis. Just imagine a man becoming born again with JESUS on a deserted island, that was basically me even though I was living in Los Angeles. Now because I wasn’t going to church, or reading the bible, or even praying and talking to JESUS at all, the spirit inside of me that was once on fire a few months earlier, was slowly dying down now. As the months passed by, my spirit died down more and more until one day I woke up and noticed – OH NO – the pain, sadness and loneliness that had left me many months earlier, were now coming back inside of me at full force. Each day that went by I was starting to feel worse and worse.
A few more months passed by with really nothing changing. I still had no idea that as a Christian I was supposed to do anything with GOD or church or the bible. We know that JESUS said he is the vine, and we are the branches. JESUS said the branches can do NOTHING without the vine. So even though I was a born again Christian, my entire life started to slowly unravel again because I was separate from the VINE-JESUS. The pain in my soul that I had lived with starting at about the age of five, was now back again real strongly inside of my soul and my life completely fell apart!
6 YEARS OF PURE HELL!!!
From ages 20-26 I lived with the same terrible pain inside of my soul and mind that had been there since I was a very young boy. It would go away from time to time, praise JESUS, but the depression, sadness and loneliness would come right back like a terrible storm. Even at the age of 26, nobody in my entire world had told me to go to church, or read the bible, or interact with JESUS in any way whatsoever. So I would lose my temper with people all the time, and I felt very irritable and frustrated for most of this 6-year period. Day after day I would go about living my life with that excruciating pain in my heart and soul. The people around me everywhere I went had no idea how much I was suffering. Looking back now, yes that 6-year period was quite terrible to live through. With the pain, loneliness, anger, and that still broken heart inside of me, I thought about death and killing myself constantly.
ENTERING THE EVIL WORLD OF THE OCCULT
I had met my fiancee at the very young age of 16. We were a very passionate couple even from the beginning of our relationship. Because of this passion and a lot of broken ness and immaturity, we would tend to argue quite often too. During one of the really difficult times in the beginning of our relationship, I had talked to my Mother about some of the problems I was having with my girlfriend. Well, my Mother came up with an idea. My Mom had started talking to a psychic a short time earlier, and she proceeded to tell me how this lady was helping her with some of the problems she was experiencing in her own life. She went on to tell me that it would be a great idea if I could talk to her too, and that she felt this lady could really help me with some of those difficult situations I was having with my brand-new girlfriend. I was only 16, and I knew nothing about such matters as psychics and the occult, so I told my Mother to set up the appointment so I could talk to this psychic person too. I spent about one hour sharing my life with this lady at her house. This was the first meeting with a so-called psychic person that I have ever had. Little did I know, but that first meeting with this lady would be the very beginning of a 2-decade long lesson – A.K.A. 20 YEARS - that JESUS had orchestrated for me to experience. JESUS had a plan for my life; Of course I had no idea about JESUS having a plan for me. I actually thought I was making all of these life rendering decisions for myself. I didn’t know that JESUS was completely sovereign over my life at that time, I just didn’t have any Christian education yet. JESUS was going to use my life to bring myself into many, many different situations and lessons so as to bring me into being the man of GOD that JESUS created me to be. From the age of 16 to my early 30’s I was talking to psychics in different cities and even different states on a regular basis. As I moved around the USA in my adult life, I seemed to be very good at finding a new so called psychic person to talk to no matter what city or state I ended up in. At the time, I actually thought like most Americans do that the psychics have special powers that they could use to help me, boy was I wrong! I use the term here powers to define being able to see in the future, or past, or being able to predict what might happen in a given situation. I remember many times visiting a specific psychic woman I had talked to for a year or two. I saw with my own eyes some of the most amazing things that happened with her Tarot cards. Things that could not be explained except supernaturally. I didn’t know at the time that their so-called power or powers were coming directly from demonic spirits. The amazing exhibitions I have seen with the tarot cards were being supernaturally controlled by the same evil spirits to lure unsuspecting people into the occult. Of course the so-called psychic people in the USA charge a large sum of money to have tarot card reading, or whatever else they might offer to do for you. If I was to add up the amount of money that I wasted on the occult and these various people, the total sum of money would be staggering!!!
From the age of 16 to my early 30’s I found myself practicing many different kinds of occult activities. Even in my own apartment throughout the years, I saw with my own eyes the most incredible things happen while practicing with my tarot cards. I use the word practicing because I never really was able to get that good with them. But the demonic presence in the cards would show off once in a while some very strange results when laying down the spreads. As I write this article tonight, it is really quite scary to think back on some of the supernatural occult activities that were happening. For those who don’t know, the occult leads a person deeper and deeper down into the evil world of Satan and sin.
I also found myself diving head long into practicing Astral Projection. Astral Projection is when a human being can controllably have his or her spirit leave their own body, travel around in the spirit, and then bring their spirit back to his body safely. For those of you who don’t believe people can do this, most of the major governments of the world have been practicing this for a very, very long time, especially Russia and the USA. I use to hang out at the psychic book stores quite often and it is there where I bought my first book on Astral Projection. I read the book all the way through one time, then starting in the first chapter; I began to practice what the author was suggesting I practice learning how to do this. But then the unexpected happened. After practicing for a week or two, one night I came home and turned off all the lights to begin to do what I was told to do in the book. But this time it was different. This was the last time I was ever going to practice this for the rest of my life. With the lights off, and once again practicing what I was told to do in the book, I felt some very, very, very, evil entities in my room. I was lying on my bed absolutely terrified. I could feel the evil in my room and my soul and spirit were both ghost white terrified. I was too afraid to move, so I laid in my bed completely still not really knowing what to do next. I had remembered reading in the book that the author had mentioned there were monsters out there. What that meant was, he was warning the readers that when you did have your spirit leave your body, once in a while the author of the book saw horrifying monsters out there as he traveled around. Well, they were in my room now and that experience scared me away from every practicing that again. I tell you people, the monsters are real, and they are mentioned in the bible quite often as evil angels.
ARE ALIENS REAL? HMMMM
I was always sad and lonely beyond my ability to handle it; I just wanted to get away, either through death or by any other means. I was suicidal for most of my entire life, yet as mentioned earlier, the LORDS hand was too powerful in my life for me to kill myself. Because I use to hang out at the psychic book stores all the time, I did notice an entire section on the supposed aliens. I use the word supposed, because even though at the time, I did believe they were real, I learned much later in my life what they really are! I either sat in the book store reading the soft cover books about supposed aliens, or I even bought some too. I was also surprised to find books on the supposed aliens in the library, and because I loved reading so much, I found myself at the library about once a week grabbing five more books to last until next week’s visit back at the library. At the time, the supposed existence of aliens just fascinated me. I would think about them a lot, read about them, and started day dreaming about how I could possibly see them myself or have them come get me too just like I had been reading in the books about other people who had been abducted’.
A REALLY REALLYYYYYYYY STUPID IDEA
One day I came up with a bright idea, I would ask the psychic person that I was currently paying to talk to if she knew how I too could have the aliens come and take me away. Haha, low and behold, she happened to know exactly what I should do to have them come into my life. Well, since the supposed psychic people are being controlled be demonic influence, and we learned through astral traveling that the monsters are real and they are definitely out there, it is no wonder that the current psychic person I was talking to knew exactly what I should do to get the supposed aliens attention, and to have them come into my life.
What she asked me to do was very, very, very, very hard. I don’t know of anyone who could do it, but that didn’t stop me. I started practicing what she told me to do right away. AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE CURIOUS---- I am not going to say what she told me to practice for fear of someone reading this testimony might start to practice it themselves! If that were to happen, then I could be responsible for your own fall into Satan’s world.
I continued to practice this exercise for a while hoping that they would come to visit me at anytime. Why was I doing this in the first place? Because I absolutely hated my life so any hope of getting away from here sounded like a much better idea then staying here in this dark, cold world. Many years had passed by now, and I was getting better and better at it. This supposed psychic lady would test me from time to time to see how much better I was getting. What I was practicing was so hard to do, that the years seemed to pass by quickly without me being able to master this. This same lady had shared with me many other deceptions or I should say she had deceived me in many, many other ways too. Even today after all of these years, I am not really sure if she was deceiving me on purpose or if she was just so lost herself she actually thought she was trying to help me. It was probably a little combination of both.
After many years of practicing the above mentioned, the supposed aliens did come to visit me from time to time. Not every often, just maybe one time a year so as to keep my hope going that they would take me away from my sick painful life. When they would come to visit me, there are a few things I should point out. First of all, they were always invisible. Second, the presence of evil that came with them into my various apartments throughout the year was terrifying. As the years passed by, the few times that they did come to me, the feeling of fear inside of me would go all the way down to my bones and soul and spirit. One time in particular, they came outside my bedroom window………. I can’t even explain to you how afraid my soul inside of me was~~~~. Having those monsters outside of my window was about the time that I quit hoping for, and wanting them to come and take me away from here.
Many people reading this will wonder from my experience just what the supposed aliens are - We know that Solomon said that their will never be anything new under the sun. In other words, what has been in the past will be in the future. We will not be surprised by some new entity in the future. In my experience the supposed aliens are either the evil angels themselves portraying to be a life form from another planet, or they are new life forms that have been genetically engineered and created by Satan which are then inhabited by demons. The truth is most likely a combination of both of the above.
COULD MY LIFE GET EVEN WORSE?
At the age of 26 I met my first wife. We were both at the same club one night, she was with her girlfriend and I went there by myself. In-between the blaring loud music, I screamed out to her if I could call her sometime. We exchanged phone numbers and started dating very quickly. In no time at all we got married. That was actually a huge mistake because not only did we NOT love each other, I am not sure that we even liked each other. We were both very lonely and depressed, so because of this we turned to each other instead of GOD for help. During the 2+ years of marriage, we had constant financial trouble and we tended to argue a little too much for either of our likings. It is shocking how JESUS blessed us with our provisions during those two years with one miracle after another after another even though we had nothing to do with him in our lives. I thought I was a Christian at the time not having a clue what that really meant, and my first wife thought she was a Mormon.
My wife and I brought porn right into the middle of our marriage. Porn videos was a relatively new at the time that we got married, Needless to say, our marriage was now doomed. I wasn’t with JESUS at the time of course so watching porn didn’t really seem like a big deal to me. In fact the world had taught me that it was just a normal thing for married couples to do. Wow how wrong the world is to teach people this.
One day we came up with the idea that we would move to Las Vegas, where that idea came from I really don’t know, but praise JESUS for his plans and strategies in my life. Before we actually moved from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, I had realized that I could probably use my talents that I learned practicing to have the supposed aliens contact me to win at gambling instead in Las Vegas. Before we actually moved, I was already practicing this on a daily basis to see if I could actually win at gambling using the same methods I used to have the fake aliens contact me. It seemed to be working as I practiced in my apartment night after night. Upon moving out of state to Las Vegas, I entered the casino closest to our brand-new apartment and decided I would now focus on money for the next year or so of my life. I was having some success in the casino during the first few weeks of gambling, but then something strange happened. As I was doing what I would do at the roulette wheel, the young girl who was working the roulette wheel seemed to know exactly what I was doing. Wow was this a shock to me. She then real nicely spoke up to me and asked me if I was doing what she thought I was…… Well I got really afraid then because someone had realized what I was doing and I quit using this ability to win money. When the lady asked me if I was actually doing what she thought I was doing, I realized that this was probably JESUS’’ way of telling me " come on Garrett, stop this foolishness with trying to win money" well it worked and I stopped.
After living in Las Vegas for about one year, we found ourselves with financial trouble again so we decided to take in a roommate. This was going to be JESUS’ plan to get me on a totally different path. We took in a male roommate whom we quickly became good friends with. Little did I know, my new friend and my wife were having a lot of talks together in private where they then started to bond and form a friendship. After a few months of this happening, one day he came home and started screaming at me for practically no reason at all. He then walked up to me and slapped me really hard on my face. Because of how big he was, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed some very sharp steak knives to attack him. I grabbed four knives, handing him two of them while I kept two in my hands. My roommate / ex friend then got very scared and ran to the phone to call the police. When the police arrived, they quickly separated us and then interviewed us all privately. They strongly suggested that one of us temporarily leave the apartment for a few days. So I grabbed my wife and we packed up our apartment and moved to a motel. Little did I know that my wife and my ex friend kept in touch on the telephone making secret plans behind my back to be together.
We found ourselves living in a dirty motel room on the bad side of town which didn’t sit to well with my wife. I felt like I was in shock, going from a beautiful apartment on the west side of town to a very ugly motel room in the center of town right off the strip in a bad area.
It was now Christmas time and my wife had mentioned to me that she wanted to go home to California to visit her parents for the holidays. She said her friend was going to drive her to her parents house, then a few days later they would come back together. This sounded like a fair plan to me so I said sure, go have fun and I will see you soon.
I came home that night and noticed that she took almost all of her stuff out of the motel room including our cats! I found that very interesting which I was definitely going to ask her about as soon as she called on the phone to say hello. There was no phone call that night. A few more days had passed by now and it was now Christmas day, but still no phone call. Now she had been gone for a week and I hadn’t heard from her yet, so I grabbed my phone and called her parent’s house. Her mom answered the phone and gave an excuse that she was in the shower, so she couldn’t come to the phone. I said to her mom, ok have her call me. A few more days passed by now and I was getting very nervous. She was now at her parent’s house for more than one week and I could tell that something was very wrong. Two days later I called her parent’s house again and her mom gave me another excuse why she couldn’t come to the phone. At this time I was now very nervous and I started losing weight. I had stopped eating because of that nervous sick feeling inside of me, and I was starting to get skinny. A few more days passed by with the exact same thing happening. Her mom would say hello and be very nice, yet my wife was always doing something to where she couldn’t come to the phone. Other times I called and her mom told me that she was with her girlfriend, and that I should try calling back another time. During all of this time I was working about 60 hours a week trying to save up money again to get us a brand new apartment. While driving through the city I had noticed back on the west side of town that there was a brand new apartment complex opening up and it was gorgeous. I had said to myself this is the complex I want my wife and myself to live in after spending all of these weeks in this dirty motel room.
A few more days passed by and still I hadn’t heard from her; Of course by I was nervous all day and night and I couldn’t sleep that well or eat either. Every few days I kept on calling her mom but time and time again she told me the same excuses why my wife couldn’t come to the phone.
It had now been about one month since my wife left to go to her parent’s house for Christmas. I was saving up money for us to move into the new apartment complex so when she did decide to come back, we could quickly move out of the motel room. Finally GOD had mercy on me and GOD had her mom tell me the truth. One night after work I called again to see if I could talk to her, and as usual her mom gave one of the lame excuses that I had heard for the previous four weeks. This time I said - come on and tell me the truth, you are way too old to be playing games like this. I told her mom that my dad would never act this way and that my Dad was far too mature to be involved in games and lies like this. Well that seemed to work; Her mom then went on to tell me the truth of what is really going on. She explained to me that it was my ex roommate who had driven her daughter my wife from Las Vegas to her parent’s house, and how they had been keeping in touch on the telephone on a regular basis. My wife and her new friend had made secret plans to get married after she divorces me. Well of course I was now completely shattered once again in my life. To have her leave in secret like this, with our ex-roommate, and to keep all of this from me really hurt my feelings. I said goodbye to my mother-in-law, hung up the phone, and kind of sat there in silence basically in shock not knowing really what to do next. Once again my life came crashing down completely because I had centered it on a woman. First it was my mom who did it, then my first fiancee when I was 18, and now it happened again. My wife had moved out and in secret, made plans to divorce me and marry basically my enemy. During this time, my ex-roommate had told my wife that if he was me at such and such place in the city, that he was going to put me in the hospital. Praise JESUS that he and I never saw each other ever again.
A few more weeks had passed by, and while at work the manager told me I had a phone call. I picked up the phone not knowing who would ever call me at work and it was my wife. This was her first phone call to me since she had left to go home for Christmas. During the next 45 days she would end up calling about five more times.
I had the saved enough money now to pay for the first months rent and security at that wonderful apartment complex that I had kept my eye on, So because my credit was bad, I had asked my dad if he could help me to rent it, and of course he said yes. I called my wife and gave her my new phone number and told her the news that I had moved out of the motel room and into this brand new complex. I told her on the phone that I was working 60-70 hours a week to get both of us out of that motel room and into this beautiful place. During the next few phone calls she told me how our ex roommate never planned on marrying her, but how he had pretended he wanted to marry her so as to get her to divorce me. Now on the phone she was the one crying. She was crying and asking me if she could come back to be with me again. I told her that I completely forgive her but that because of the very nasty way she left me that I couldn’t possibly take her back to be with me ever again. She called me about three more times asking to come back, but each time I told her that I just couldn’t because of the way she had made secret plans to leave me, and I also mentioned that she didn’t call me for more than one month, and that was a very hard experience to go through. The last time she called she was crying and crying to come back, then her dad grabbed the phone and started accusing me of making her cry. About a week later, her dad went ahead and paid for our divorce. Overall we were together from about ages 27- 30.
COULD MY LIFE GET EVEN WORSE?
I had changed jobs now and went to work with a larger company but in the same field that I had been in before. I was going to one of our accounts and noticed a young lady with beautiful red hair working the front desk. I asked her if we could get dinner sometime and she said yes. We started dating fast and furious and in no time at all she was moving into my apartment. We were both very passionate people and we had a few things in common, but we were both very lonely and living in complete utter darkness. Because of how lonely we both were, our relationship moved ahead at a very quick pace. As usual though, we tended to have some heated arguments. I think arguments are something that all NON believers do because of the pain, frustration and irritability that is built up inside of them because of not having JESUS in their lives. At this time, I still thought I was a Christian and this young lady thought she was a Mormon. We got into some legal trouble with a brand-new business that we opened up. After we went to court and paid the financial penalties that the judge ordered, we came to the agreement that we had seen enough of Las Vegas and made up our minds to move to Oregon. We used an apartment agency to help us to find a beautiful apartment on a golf course in Eugene, Oregon, so we packed up all of our belongings in our truck, and proceeded to drive in the cold and rain and snow all the way to Oregon which took two entire days of driving to reach.
My fiancee and I also watched porn together, so once again, our entire relationship was doomed from the start. We both had no idea that this was a wrong or evil thing to do, and there was nobody in our lives to tell us this was a sin, so as we continued to watch it together, obviously our relationship was getting worse and worse every week and month that passed by.
For the entire time that we were together, we experienced some very good times together, and we also experienced some very bad times too. We could get along great for a few days, then out of nowhere would come a few terrible arguments. This seemed to go on and on and on. Even though I thought that I loved her, I really didn’t. What was happening was, I was trying to replace the emptiness in my heart and soul where our creator JESUS is suppose to be, with woman instead, and that was destined to fail just like it had all the other previous times. At the time, I would have sworn to you that I loved this young lady, but many years later I learned that it wasn’t love, it was more or less lust, darkness in me, sadness and many other dark emotions that had completely taken over my life up to this time. I was still trying to fill the emptiness in my heart and soul with a woman’’s love instead of JESUS‘.
I couldn’t find a job in Oregon so instead I bought a tiny restaurant in Springfield. Springfield is the city that the Simpons cartoon is based off of. My fiancee was able to get a job working for a huge restaurant where she met a new girlfriend who also worked there. My fiancee and this new lady quickly became the best of friends. They became close enough friends to where she would confide in her new friend about many different things about our relationship. Some of the things they talked about on a regular basis were all the negative things about me. So this new friend of hers over a small period of time started to slowly convince my fiancee to leave me. I had no idea at the time, but this new friend of hers was adamantly against me. Even to the point that when she called on the phone asking for my fiancee I could feel her dread towards me.
At this point we had been together in a relationship going on two years, so during this time of being intimate with one another, we had definitely bonded and became one like the bible clearly talks about. I was very hurt that this new girlfriend of hers was really helping to destroy our relationship. At the time I had no idea what to do about this. In that period of my life I just wasn’t equipped with the tools that I needed to handle a situation like this. While this was happening, as the months passed by our relationship went downhill quickly.
Once again, I had centered my whole life around this young lady, so as we got along good I felt a little bit better inside of me, but then when we would argue or fight, I would then feel completely terrible. As I saw her draw farther and farther away from me, those old terrible feelings of pain, loneliness and fear started to rise up inside of me.
Going back to Las Vegas, myself and this young lady were together day and night. We started a new business together and we set it up to where we were able to work together too. I was very attached to her to the point that she had become my whole life.
A few months had passed by now and our relationship was going really badly. She took a vacation back to her mom’s house for the holidays and when she came back, that was the beginning of the end. Her friend had talked to her over and over again about leaving me, she even told her that she could move in with her and that there was a spare bedroom for her. When she came back from her mom’s house, unfortunately we had a terrible argument. With no notice at all, she called me on the phone from her work, and told me that she was moving out for good and that she never wanted to be with me again. As you could probably guess, my heart felt like it dropped to the ground. Once again, I sat there in complete shock now knowing what to do next. I had nobody to teach me to go to JESUS, and there was nobody to give me good godly advice, so I did what I knew how to do best, I suffered night after night with terrible thoughts of depression and killing myself. I knew we weren’t getting along that well, but I had no idea that she was going to leave me. I centered my life around a woman again, so when the woman in my life decided to leave me, my entire universe fell apart. That night I packed up all her stuff and I told her to come by the next day when I was at work so she could pick up all of her belongings. The next day I went to work to open up the restaurant, and while at work she came by with her friends and moved all of her stuff out of our place. Coming home from work that night, and seeing all of her stuff gone, I cant even explain how that felt. Immediately all of the sadness, loneliness, pain and depression that were with me most of my life came roaring back like a hungry mountain lion. There seemed like there was no hope whatsoever for me at that time in my life.
A month or two went by now, and for the first time in two years, I was all alone again and I really couldn’t handle the pain. I use to sit in the dark just wishing I had the courage to finally take the sharp knife in my hand and kill myself. I had looked into how I could get a gun, because I felt if I could get a gun, then I would be finally able to end my life! No matter how hard I tried, and no matter what phone calls I made, I couldn’t get my hands on a gun. I had even called a few people that I knew might have a gun, but neither of them would help me - PRAISE JESUS!
Now that she moved out, I wrote a few letters to my fiancee and had one of my employees who happened to be a Christian deliver them to her at her work. I never heard back from her though. I asked her in the letters to call and say hello, but I guess she had the strength to close off all communication with me completely. I had never threatened her or said anything bad in any of the letters I had sent to her work, but one day the sheriffs showed up at my door. Well, my fiancee had a restraining order made against me which the sheriffs department was now hand delivering to me. Wow, This was more clever work of her new girlfriend who seemed to hate me with a real passion.
The next few months I lived in heavy deep depression and sadness. Every single day felt like I was carrying 1000 pounds on my back. It took all my strength to wake up and go to work each day, then coming home alone each night was like torture. Up to this point, I had been trying to use girls to fill up that terrible emptiness inside of me, and with nobody ever bothering to tell me about JESUS, I was dying a thousand deaths every single night alone in my apartment. I was extremely suicidal during this time; I could honestly say, that after she left me, could have been one of the darkest times in
my entire life.
I contacted the same suppose psychic person on the telephone, the one who taught me how to contact the supposed aliens, and she was more then happy to talk to me and try to help me through this dark period of my life, for a fee of course! I tried to call her on a regular basis because I was just reaching out for someone to help me somehow someway, yet she could never help me. She did accept my financial payments to her though, but she could never really ever help me, because she couldn’t even help herself. Up to this time I had been talking to this lady on a regular basis going on approximately 15 years. I can honestly say now with all sincerity, that this lady had never really helped me in all of the years we had been talking. I cannot remember a single time where she was ever able to help me. What a incredible waste of time and money it is to talk to these supposed psychic people who thrive on us who are hurting, sad and depressed all over the country. This was the last time I would talk to this lady. We had a terrible argument and the LORD JESUS set me free from her in my heart where I knew I would never call her again, but there were other brand new supposed psychics people who would be entering my life shortly.
Praise JESUS for these incredible experiences because now I am able to talk to other people who are going through the exact same situations themselves.
I felt I couldn’t live in Oregon any longer. The pain there, the memories of her, the bad memories now, the tears, the constant suicidal thoughts, I just couldn’t handle it any longer. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, so I ended up doing what came natural to me. I moved back to Las Vegas into the nicest apartment complex I could possibly find. I sold my business in Oregon, packed up and drove on the freeway all the way back to Las Vegas in my truck. No matter how far I drove from, no matter what state I moved to, the pain would follow me everywhere I went. I had no idea on earth how to get rid of it and nobody offered to tell me.
Coming back to Las Vegas for the second time now, I quickly started doing what I knew how to do best. I opened up a small business and focused on making money, dating women and diving into the occult a little. I was able to find a new supposed psychic lady to talk to quite easily because they are all over Las Vegas, so I quickly headed down the same old path of destruction that had a grip on me my entire life…….. Money, women and the occult = DESTRUCTION.
This was the second time now that I was living in Las Vegas, and would be the last time too. This second go around lasted about 2 years and what a terrible 2 years it was. This 2 year period was filled with tons and tons of sinning and being about as un godly as most of the other men in the city. It was filled with making a lot of money, and then spending huge sums of it on women, gambling, psychics, eating out at expensive restaurants, gambling and all kinds of other sinful activities that were very bad for me.
This two year period found my life once again racked with pain, sadness, a terrible feeling of loneliness, and a very thick cover of depression over me at all times.
After talking to a few different supposed psychic women, I then met another lady who was located close to a shopping area that I found myself at a lot. The last year of the two years in the city was spent talking to her between 1-3 times a week, and of course like all the others before her, she charged a very high fee…… I haven’t mentioned in this testimony how much these people charge per 30 minutes, because it is a staggering amount, but let us just say they charge a real lot. I cannot ad up the money I have spent on these women through ought two decades, but I would assume it is over 100,000 dollars. Praise JESUS who is so happy to forgive us when we repent our sins to him with all of our heart and soul!
Talking to this lady a few times a week, I could say that she honestly tried to help me, but how could she help me when she couldn’t even help herself. She knew nothing about JESUS whatsoever, or anything else about salvation or the bible. In fact she was very heavily enthroned into the new age and an occult type of lifestyle. So because of this, like all the other women I talked to, she just didn’t have the spiritual tools to help me to feel better. This lady did try though, and I tried somewhat to follow her advice, but her advice would be the same as taking Dr Phil’s advice. That worldly advice that by passes our creator JESUS will never ever help us to feel better, or think better, or gain any type of normalcy in life whatsoever. So even though this lady did honesty try, and even though she did seem to have a good heart, she couldn’t help me at all.
It was during this period that I had met my first Christian friend. In the complex where I was living, a new family moved in and we would all see each other from time to time in the exercise room. The husband was always very friendly and he had a glow about him at all times. After a few weeks of seeing each other down in the exercise room, he asked if he could come by my apartment and have a talk with me. I said of course, sure come on by. He would come by on a regular basis spending anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours talking with me while trying to give me good godly advice. He never came on too strong, he never tried to force me to go to JESUS, in fact, he used just the opposite approach with me. He was extremely patient and he had incredible wisdom. He gave me all kinds of good advice on all the different topics I was going through in my life. 15 years later, I still quote him quite often when I am speaking to people about JESUS. I did take some of his advice on relationships and other matters similar to that, but I DIDN’T take his advice on all spiritual matters. I guess it just wasn’t my time yet to get to know JESUS and to learn what it meant to be a Christian man. As the years have passed by, whenever I think of true Christian people that I know, this man was one of three people that I always think about as truly bearing the fruit of CHRIST and walking as he walked.
Why would JESUS call me to be with him at the age of 19, yet send me no help whatsoever until that wonderful man moved in with his family into my complex. Did JESUS forget to send someone to teach me that I was suppose to pray to him in the years gone past? Did JESUS forget to send someone to tell me that I was suppose to read the bible growing up? Or did he even forget to send someone to teach me to go to church? Well, since he is the LORD, he is always right and he never ever makes mistakes. As of tonight at the age of 44, what he has done with my life and the wisdom he has used is now finally starting to slowly make sense to me.
At the very end of that two year period in Vegas, I had met a male friend on the internet who then lived in Texas. He needed to move out of his moms house and I was looking to move out of Las Vegas too, because after those two years, I had truly had enough of that particular city. My new friend had lived up in the Seattle area before and he asked me if I would be interested in sharing an apartment with him up north. After talking about it for a few weeks I told him sure, let’s go ahead and move up to Federal Way Washington and find a nice 2 bedroom apartment to share.
FALLING DOWN INTO THE PITS OF HELL
I made the very long driver from Las Vegas all the way up north to Washington in about two full days of driving. We found a beautiful 2 bedroom 2 story townhouse in Federal Way to live in, which was actually a very nice apartment. We didn’t have any jobs of course because we had just arrived in the state, so we quickly started brainstorming what we might do to get some money coming in. I had no energy or motivation to get a 9-5 job so I started selling Microsoft software out of my apartment. My supplier was a huge computer store in Las Vegas, whom I did business with the last year of living there. I had them ship me boxes of software for the purpose of selling it in Federal way. My roommate on the other hand never really looked for a job, and during the first 30 days, I really don’t know how he did get his part of the rent money, let alone how he was able to pay all of the other bills too. A few more weeks passed by and he and myself weren’t really getting along all that well. He went ahead and decided to go to Las Vegas to work with his other friend on a brand new business that they just started up. He didn’t move out, he just flew there with a few pieces of clothing to set up this new business, leaving me alone in the 2 bedroom townhouse. I immediately placed more business ad’s for my software and proceeded to work on my business expanding my software sales into a few more cities. At this point I was advertising in Washington, and I chose 2 more cities hoping that my sales would now expand to the point where I wouldn’t have to worry about money any longer. Without JESUS in our lives, we people constantly worry about money, and I was no different.
My business immediately took off and I was now making enough money each day where I really didn’t have to worry about finances any longer. The rent was due again, and I had a lot of trouble getting my roommate who was now in Las Vegas to pay his part of the rent. I also realized that we both were not compatible to live together, so since my income had jumped up incredibly at this time, I decided to move all of his belongings into storage and I moved by myself into another beautiful apartment in the same complex. I called him to give him the bad news, and I also mailed him the key and all the information on how he could get his stuff out of the storage unit. That was the last time I ever talked to him, I never heard from him again.
After moving into my new apartment, I then put a lot of attention into my business. I was currently in 3 cities in the USA, but I wanted to expand much larger. That week I chose two more cities to advertise in which then put me in five cities. Well, sales continued to expand and I was having great success shipping out software everyday. At the end of the month I had expanded into about 10 cities with sales going better then I had expected. Four weeks later I found myself advertising in approximately 20 cities all over the USA with my income jumping up to a very high level. I had met another young man named Shawn who although he was my competitor, he was able to get the software at a lower price then I could currently buy it at. We were able to work out a somewhat fair price and I started buying my software from him now. He would ship me the software once a week so I could then get it quickly out to all of my customers who had purchased it from me. Shawn and myself would talk on the phone every day where we were able to start up a telephone friendship. We would talk about all kinds of un godly topics, which looking back I have to say - wow, what a waste of time that was.
It had been about 2 months since I moved into my new apartment by myself, and I was currently in about 20 cities nationwide with my business, when I noticed that the depression, loneliness, and sadness that I had been living with my entire life was now coming back to me very strongly. The lure and attraction of starting a new business was wearing off now, which then had me focus on the fact that I was totally alone in the world. I was feeling very depressed and lonely and that terrible pain came quickly back into my soul. JESUS had called me to be with him almost 15 years earlier but I was still living my life having nothing to do with GOD or the bible or anything else of that nature. Talk about depression and pain, wow to be called by GOD but to be living without him is pure torture.
International internet dating was just being invented on the internet at this time, and for some reason, I decided that it could be a great way to find a wife. I had no idea why I wanted a wife, and I couldn’t give anybody any answers why I thought it was a good idea, but that didn’t stop me. I contacted about 10 young Russian Ladies on the internet with a nice letter and waited a few days for their responses. The internet dating was so brand new, it was actually for free back then. You could contact the ladies for free via email or a real postal letter and expect a true honest answer back from them in a short amount of time. Approximately five women contacted me back, and I read their letters carefully trying to choose which one I might want to get to know and marry. After one week of thinking about this, I decided I would choose one of the woman who lived in Tula Russia. My business was going great now, so money wasn’t really a problem any longer. Because of this, I was able to make a few international calls a day on my telephone to talk to this young lady and to get to know her. We talked on the phone once in the day time and once at night. Each time we talked she was always very nice and polite and considerate too. In fact, she seemed to be almost perfect. We will find out a little later why I used the word - seemed to be perfect. At this time in my life I still thought I was a Christian man, and she said she was a Christian too. I tell you the truth, neither of us had any idea whatsoever what it meant to be a real Christian.
Every day and night she was always right by her phone ready to answer it at the pre determined times that I said I would call her. She seemed to be about as perfect as any man could hope for, so after a month of talking with her, we decided that we would meet. We realized that she couldn’t get into the USA because she was Russian, so we had to find another place to meet where she would be able to travel to. I asked her if she could travel to Italy, and she quickly said yes, so we decided to meet each other in Venice Italy to see if we were compatible with each other in person.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END
About 1 week before my trip to Italy, I had to start the tedious process of closing up my business. I contacted all of the places I was advertising in the USA, and gave them the dates that my business would be closed. I had my plane tickets ready with my passport, but a few days before the trip, I came down with the flu. Her mom had bought her plane tickets for her to go to Venice, and she was very excited about traveling there. Even though I felt like I was dying inside, I packed my clothes and other belongings and drove to the airport in Seattle. The flight to London took about 11 hours, and then I had a 4 hour stop over before the next flight was due to leave. I was so sick, I had to rent a hotel room just to rest there for 4 hours. The next plane waited on the tarmac about 2 hours in London before it took off for Venice, so this entire trip seemed like it took a complete 24 hours to complete. By the time I arrived in Venice, she had been there since that morning and was able to go site seeing a little bit by herself.
Even though I was very sick, we still did all of the site seeing, went to all of the museums, and ate at all of the great restaurants there. Each night we went to the classical concert hall and watched a different classical concert which was very romantic. She never really seemed to respect the fact that I was real sick during this time in Venice and expected me to be able to do all of the things on vacation that a normal healthy man would do.
We did get along great on this trip, and she was definitely on her very best behavior. So we decided to do what any NON believing couple might do, and that was to get married.
After spending 1 week together in Venice, it was now time to say goodbye at the airport. She would be flying back to Russia at the same time that I would be flying back to the USA. Our plan was simple, have her mom figure out how to put on a wedding festival there in about 30 days and I would fly to Russia to meet her entire family.
Coming back home now, I turned all of my advertising back on for my business and proceeded to work from 9 am in the morning to 7 pm at night 6-7 days a week. Business took off quickly, and it was as if I had never left. Back in Russia, my fiancee and her mom continued with the wedding plans and all of the other arrangements that would be needed to be made for about 40 of her family members and friends.
The 30 days passed by quickly and it was now getting very close to the time that I would have to pack up again, and hop on a plane to Russia. This time, I wasn’t sick, at least that was some good news. I grabbed my suitcase and passport again and drove to the airport dreading the 12 hour flight from Seattle to Russia which I would be on in just a few hours from now.
In Russia, I have never met people so friendly in my entire life. Her family and friends were so nice, and kind, and generous it really was a cultural shock compared to what I was use to from people in the USA. I was going to be there seven days, so we had to get all of our marriage licenses and paperwork completed right away, before the seven day period was up and I had to go back home to the USA. Her mom had rented a large hall for the ceremony, where they put a huge dinner table in the middle of the hall loaded from one end of the table to the other, with all different kinds of Russian food. 40 people were seated all around the huge table, and as is custom in Russia, the people would get up one at a time saying nice things or prayers or other complimentary things to my bride and myself. Well, its also custom in Russia to drink, so at this point in the dinner, a lot of us were already drunk, but it was a very beautiful event.
The seven days were up, and we completed all of our paperwork that we had to turn in to the USA embassy in Moscow, so all that was left to do was to have a goodbye dinner at her mom’s house the night before I left.
Her mom cooked a traditional Russian dinner, which actually tasted very good. We sat around the table talking and chit chatting with her Dad and Uncle for a few hours. The dinner was winding down now and her dad said he wanted to tell me something, so I said sure, of course Sir go ahead. At the table now was my wife, myself and her dad, everyone else was in the living room at this time. Her Dad lowered his voice and said, "Garrett, promise me something. Promise me that no matter what you do, you will never buy or sell pirated software". I said "Sir, the software that I buy is all real Microsoft software and that there is nothing to worry about". I went on to tell him that the thought had never even crossed my mind. JESUS was giving me a verbal warning through her Dad in Russia, but just like always, I didn’t bother to listen. At that time in Russia, I honestly thought that all of the software I was buying was completely legal and legitimate. I would of sworn to you that the software that I carried was all directly from Microsoft, which was then being distributed through middle men throughout the country. Even though I didn’t listen to the LORD’S warning through her Dad, I do really appreciate the fact that JESUS did give me that verbal warning.
On the way to the airport, I felt a little sad that I would be leaving everyone behind in Russia. We said our goodbyes and I told her I would be calling her each day and night to keep in touch while we wait for her visa to be approved. Now we would be in a waiting period for immigration to approve her visa so she could fly to the USA to be with me. Upon arriving back in Federal Way Washington, I quickly started up my business and expanded to even more cities. It took only six weeks for her visa to arrive, but during that six week period I expanded my business from 20 cities to 43. I was getting up first thing in the morning, and continued to work non stop till after dinner time 6 ½ days a week. I continued to call my wife once in the day time and once at night, but in between those calls I was working like a fanatic. During this time I was making a huge sum of money every day. I was taking in thousands of dollars a day of profit, which I was storing in safe deposit boxes and at the same time, hiding a lot of cash in my apartment too. I had NO spiritual life at all, and it was really taking a toll on my body, soul and emotions. I am so thankful JESUS had everything under control, because at that time of my life, I really felt like I could of died at any second. There was a terrible feeling of darkness in my apartment at all times and I couldn’t sleep good at night. I was tired all the time and under incredible stress.
I was calling the last supposed psychic lady who was back in Las Vegas about 1 time a week. We talked about business strategies, my new wife who would be coming soon into the USA very shortly and many other topics too. She would charge my credit card which was how I was able to pay her even though we were in different states. Overall she was very against myself bringing a Russian lady to my country to live with me. I was living in a complete dream world. I wasn’t listening to anyone or anything. I did everything my way and I didn’t want to hear any advice from anyone else. I was very arrogant, bossy, rude, mean, short tempered, and overall a complete bully. In other words, I was a real life monster.
My software suppliers had a constant flow of products showing up at my apartment door, which I then turned around and shipped out to my customers all over the USA. I was able to expand to about 43 cities when my business was at its largest, but it was a complete nightmare to run this operation alone. I was looking forward to having my wife show up to help me run this business, and even possibly dividing up the work load somehow.
Six weeks passed by real quickly, and in no time at all my wife was telling me that her visa was ready and that she could come anytime we wanted. We had a small argument then because I wanted her to come be with me right away, but she was very lackadaisical about buying the plane ticket. I told her to plan a going away party for her friends and family as fast as possible, and then pack up all of her important belongings to bring with her to the USA.
She arrived in Seattle in mid afternoon on a weekday, carrying with her a few pairs of very old clothing and her books from college. She was a very educated person in translation which was also her career at the time. She was extremely intelligent, in fact she was a little too smart for her own good.
A few days later, I grabbed about 10,000 dollars cash and we drove to the huge mall in Federal Way for the sole purpose of buying her a entire wardrobe of clothes to wear. She wasn’t talking much at all, which was quite strange because in Italy and Russia she was a very good communicator, but now something was already wrong. It couldn’t of been our wonderful apartment that was bothering her, and she didn’t even have time yet to see just how much of a monster I was, so I decided to talk to her as we sat down in the middle of the mall at the food court to have a small lunch. I asked her, what’s wrong? But she couldn’t really answer me. She said she is brand new here and she is feeling strange. So I accepted that answer as the truth and didn’t really bring it up again. We walked through the entire mall as I pointed out dress after dress, pants after pants and all of the other nice things in the mall, but she didn’t want anything. She said she didn’t like anything in the mall so we left without spending a single penny.
Two weeks passed by and she still wasn’t talking much. Because of the fact that we weren’t talking much, I could also say that our marriage was already in trouble and this was after only a few weeks. She was acting very strange too. One day we were driving back home from the store, and just before we parked the car in the parking lot of our apartment, she started to cry. I asked her a few times what’s wrong, but she wouldn’t tell me. That happened a couple of times, but I was so use to living in my own little evil dream world, that I really didn’t have the tools or ability to get her to open up and have some good communication.
We needed a car for her now, and at the time, we both wanted to build up her credit. I decided to grab 10,000 dollars out of my apartment where I kept a lot of money hidden, and we both drove to the car dealership to put the money down on a brand new sports car in her name. she found the sports car and the color that she wanted, but she didn’t know how to drive. So instead of driving home with the car, we had to put the 10,000 dollars as a down payment on the car promising we would be back in 2-3 weeks when she could pass the driving test at the DMV. Each day we would take a 1-2 hour break from work to teach her how to drive. She would drive my car, while I sat in the passenger seat trying to teach her the very best I could. The problem was, my entire life had already shattered many, many years earlier, so as I was trying to teach her how to drive, we ended up getting in a lot of heated arguments. I had to purposely try to be nice, because I was naturally mean now. I had to purposely be patient, because at this time in my life I had NO patience. I had to purposely watch the tone of my voice, because at this time in my life I was use to bossing everyone around with any tone of voice I wanted. When she made driving mistakes, I tried my hardest to correct her nicely, but then she would start to get attitude against me and as you can see, this was very destructive towards our brand new marriage. As long as I live, I will never forget trying to teach her how to drive. Praise JESUS who gives us all of these wonderful lessons in life, because we will be carrying all of these lessons and experiences with us to live in Heaven for eternity, which will only give us more and more reasons to worship JESUS.
The car dealership had called us on the telephone wanting to know when we might be able to pick up the car. It had been a few weeks now of her practicing to pass the DMV test. I knew she wasn’t ready yet, but we made an appointment with the DMV anyways for her to take the driving test. She made a lot of mistakes, but somehow, someway the instructor passed her which was quite a shock to me.
We finally had the car at home, and it was just incredible! By now, she also had a few brand new outfits to wear, and on top of that our business was going great, what else could possibly go wrong? We were both working on our business every day, but we worked in separate rooms. I was working in the den, and she was working behind the living room area. She was very unhappy working on the software. She had dreams of coming here to the USA to be an attorney, or a office manager, or whatever else she had in her mind, but I explained to her that we were making approximately 2000.00 a day, and why would you want to go to school for all of those years, struggling each night with the homework? I guess she had other plans and dreams at that time that I didn’t know about, which I was going to find out about soon enough.
FINALLY SOME TRUTH OUT OF HER
I was on the computer she used to email her family because I wanted to play a game. This was the only computer we owned at the time, so we both would use it to do the various things that people do each day. She had left her email up I am sure on a accident, and I couldn’t help but to notice that my name was mentioned. I opened up the email that had my name in it, and proceeded to read the entire email for the next 3 minutes. she said in the email a lot of bad things about me. She was telling this complete stranger lots of personal bad things about me and this really hurt my feelings. I wasn’t a bad or mean person on purpose, I was just a product of my entire life at this time without JESUS in it. The world had dealt out a bad hand of cards for me to play in life, so now at this point in my life, I was a exact model of how my real life experiences had made me to be. Thank GOD, that the CREATOR was watching every single step of my life, and holding me in his precious hands constantly when I needed him the most. JESUS was giving me all of these experiences so as to make me out to be the man of GOD that he wanted me to be for the rest of eternity!
I read all of the bad things she had said about me in her email, and I saw she was in the bedroom putting away some things, so I composed myself the best I could, and in a real nice tone of voice I asked her if we could talk. She said yes, but she had a serious expression on her face. I told her that I accidentally found the email that she had written about me, and that it hurt my feelings a lot. I told her that this was a real mean thing to do, and why would she say these terrible things about me. Well, she talked her way out of it. She told me that the email didn’t really mean anything, and that she wasn’t really serious, and that it was just a simple letter to another Russian lady she had met on the plane flight coming here. So I dropped the entire topic and slowly walked out of the room back to work in the den. The amount of evil spirits inside of me at this time clouded my mind and heart so I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t feel anything clearly, and I just wasn’t able to fix situations or work out situations properly. basically speaking, I was a complete mess emotionally and spiritually, just like I had been for most of my adult life.
The next incident was even worse. A week or two later, I was in the bedroom counting the money that I hid in the apartment, while at the same time she was on the computer reading emails. Greed was starting to really take a hold of my heart and soul and wow what a powerful emotion greed is. While in the bedroom counting the tens of thousands of dollars that I had hidden all over the room, I heard her crying at the computer. I was just about done counting all of the money, so I called out to her in a nice voice, "what’s wrong"? She didn’t answer me. I finished counting the money and asked her again, calling out to her, what’s wrong honey? All I heard was her crying. I put the money away where I always hid it, and slowly walked to her sitting behind the computer. When she saw me coming, she got up and walked to me away from where the computer was. We proceeded to sit down and talk. She told me that her mom had emailed her a very strict letter accusing her of a few different things. I have no idea why my wife decided to tell me the truth here, she sooooo easily could of lied and just deleted the email. This is one of those times when GOD takes over and forces the other spouse to tell the truth, even when she could have easily got away with lying to me. Her mom back in Russia would go to the spa every Saturday morning and talk with all of the women there. During these visits on Saturdays since our marriage ceremony, she found out that my wife had FAKED our entire marriage. Her mom found out two different secrets that really hurt her feelings now. 1 - she was faking the marriage with me because she hated living at her mom’s house and she hated Russia. 2 - she was pretending to love me, just so she could use me to get out of Russia and into the USA. What a incredible experience this was to find out that my wife was faking the entire marriage, pretending to love me. I can’t possibly tell you how it feels to find out that your entire marriage is fake. Now things at home and in my life were worse then ever. Once again, because of how much my mind was cloudy, and how I wasn’t able to reason things out or think clearly, or even feel clearly, I definitely wasn’t able to handle this situation either. So I did what I always do, I decided to totally forget about this for the time being and to re focus more then ever on making money. My life was a complete disaster, my marriage was a disaster, but the money kept coming in through my business at an incredible rate.
A short time later, we were selling so much software that we actually ran out of inventory. I called all of my suppliers to find out who could send me some software as quickly as possible, but to my surprise, all of them ran out of software too and nobody had any available. I was on the phone constantly with my suppliers trying to find out when they might get a new shipment in. while out of software, all of my customers continued to call me from all over the nation placing new orders for software. Because we had no inventory, I would tell them that we are temporarily out, but I would be shipping their software to them as soon as possible. Each customer that called, I would write up his order and scotch tape it to my living room wall. A week went by, and still no word on any shipments coming in. by the time a second and third week passed by, my living room wall was completely filled up with orders scotch taped to the wall. The total amount of software pieces ordered at this time awaiting to be shipped out, was somewhere between 50,000 and 70,000 units. The profit on 50,000 pieces of software would have been around 100,000$, so as you can see, I was starting to really freak out. Greed could possibly be THE most powerful emotion I have ever felt. Greed is probably the most misunderstood emotions too. It is shocking how it takes over a persons life, how it changes the way we think and feel about things. Greed changed my entire outlook on what is important and what isn’t. It was definitely harming my marriage now, and I am sure I was completely UN recognizable to my family.
A few more weeks passed by, and there was still no software available anywhere to be found. My main supplier told me that he had no idea when some would come in, and that this could be a great time to take a break or vacation. In the meantime, orders for more software kept coming in on my telephone, because of this, the living room wall was slowly being covered from top to bottom with orders scotch taped to it.
I talked to my wife, and explained that my supplier had said that this would be a great time to take a break or go on vacation. She was all for that idea, because she hated working on the software. The first week off consisted of getting up in the morning, lounging around till noontime, getting the best possible lunch we could possibly find, and then more of the same at home until dinner time. We were going out to eat a lot at the finest restaurants, and at the same time we were cooking steak and chicken on a regular basis on all of our fancy cooking grills that we had in our kitchen. Orders for software were still coming in, and at this point I was forced to tell all of my customers the truth. I told them that we ran out and to please be patient until more software shipments comes in. all of them understood and waited patiently until I could get some more. I felt terrible this week, mainly because of boredom, a little because my wife and myself just couldn’t ever get along at all, but MOSTLY because I wasn’t making any money which was driving me insane.
The supposed psychic lady that I had been talking to from Las Vegas during the past year, asked me if I could help her husband make some copies of his music cd’s. We talked about what equipment I would need to do this, and how the entire operation would work. While shopping online at professional business website’s looking for burners, I came across some units that could burn four music cd’s at a time. Well she wanted approximately 500 copies, so it seemed like I would be able to do this job for her. I surfed the internet even more and found out that I could buy the equipment to put custom labels on the top of the music cd’s too, using professional artwork. AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE IT HIT ME. I was about to make one of the biggest mistakes of my entire life, which would also turn out to be one of the greatest blessings of my entire life. As I sat there, I started to wonder if maybe, just maybe, just possibly could this same equipment also create and copy the Microsoft software that we were selling?
My heart started to beat faster and faster because the more I looked into the equipment, the more I realized that it should be able to copy the Microsoft office products we were selling. Before I bought any of the very, very expensive equipment with the idea to mass produce the Microsoft software, I had to test the master Microsoft cd to make sure it was burnable. My wife and myself grabbed one of the brand new Microsoft packages that we had laying around the house, after all with the volume of software that we were selling, we always had a few lying around the house everywhere. We opened up a brand new one, put it into our computer and tested it to see if we could make a perfect copy. Low and behold, it worked! At the time, Microsoft did not put in any anti theft, or any anti piracy codes into the software. So anyone at any time could of burned a entire Microsoft Office Suite from their home computer. Now I really started making plans, or I should say, I was surfing the internet to find out if there were any larger more professional burners and equipment I could purchase, to speed up my brand new illegal operation. I found a company somewhat close to our apartment who had some of the best professional equipment money could buy. I settled on buying a tower burner that could burn 16 cd’’s at a time, and this same company also had all of the other equipment I would need too. I spent about 14,000 dollars on our copier which we needed to do the artwork as professionally as we possibly could. Our copier that we bought was equal to the very best copier at the time that Kinkos stores were using.
I spent days and days brainstorming how to do this operation, and how to solve all of the tedious problems that were arising. Solving one problem after another after another as fast as I could, we were now just about ready to start our illegal business. My wife was very, very, very against pirating the software. She would talk to me over and over again about how we DIDN’T need to do this, and how much trouble we could get into. She tried on multiple occasions to change my mind, but it was too late. Greed had me now and nothing she could say or do was going to change my mind. Every time she brought up a good point why we shouldn’t pirate the software, I countered with another ridiculous statement on why we should do it. I used the word ridiculous there, because I had no idea what I was doing. At that time in my life I was so out of control, I cant even use English words to explain what or how I was feeling. I was completely lost to the point where I thought that pirating the Microsoft software would be perfectly OK and safe for us to do.
I talked her into helping me create the illegal software, and she finally gave in but she was very unhappy. Obviously this didn’t help our marriage!
Before we could start mass producing the software, we had to take one Microsoft cd completely apart and totally dissect and study it. We had to study every little thing about the software, from its artwork, to its type styles and just about everything else in between. This is when we learned something AMAZING. As we took apart a few of or master Microsoft cd’s to study them, we noticed that each one was different. Each one had slightly different art work on the cd itself, and some of them even used different colors. We kept wondering why Microsoft would do this, which made us take apart even more cd’s with the sole purpose of studying them. Then it finally hit us, our eyes were finally opened a little. ALL of the cd’s that I was buying from my suppliers were pirated illegal copies. I found out later, my suppliers were all getting their shipments directly from China which were then being shipped into Long Beach, California. So we learned that for the last year, all of the software I was selling were pirated illegal copies. Up to this point, I honestly thought we were doing a legal legitimate business, I had no idea that we were actually selling pirated software all over the entire USA.
To make a single unit of software took about five different activities for us to do. I divided up the work between us, giving her the really easy part, and then with myself doing the other half, we started our illegal business. We needed to make about 80,000 units of software as fast as we could, so I could get it all shipped out to our customers all over the USA, who by this time had been waiting about six weeks for their software to arrive. Our huge burner could only burn 16 cd’s at a time, and each round of burning took about nine minutes. So, while the burner was burning the cd’s for nine minutes, she had nine minutes to get 16 units of her half done, and I had nine minutes to get my half done. The amount of work ahead of us was just mind boggling incredible! For the next 60 days, we worked from about 8am in the morning until about 10pm at night with only a very short lunch and dinner break. Our marriage was so bad at this time, I could just as easily say that there was no marriage any longer. Day after day we continued to make the software non stop, with little or no communication between us at all. We kind of just sat there in front of our TV with her doing her half, and myself doing all of the rest of the work. What was there to talk about anyway? She was super angry and upset at me, and I was still living in a complete demonically controlled dream world where I had basically lost my self will to make any decisions, or to change my life in anyway for the better.
The feeling in the apartment at this time was pure dread, with a little bit of danger mixed in too. There was a atmosphere in the apartment at all times like we were being watched. So from a spiritual point of view, it felt like there was a evil presence in the apartment, yet from a physical point of view, it felt like we were constantly being watched which created a lot of anxiety and paranoia for both of us. Even though at this point I had NO spiritual life whatsoever, I could still feel the evil presence in our apartment. It was always there, especially at nighttime.
UPS and Fed Ex were coming to our apartment every single day to pick up the huge boxes that we were shipping out all over the Country. We were working at a frantic pace and we were really catching up to all of the orders that were once taped up all over our living room wall. The wall now was about empty with only a few more tiny orders to fill.
Christmas was just a week away now, and one night while creating our pirated software, a fuse went out in our apartment. All I had to do was walk to the fuse box in the hallway and switch it back on, but JESUS had other plans for me. I didn’t think to just simply switch the fuse back to the on position, so instead I called emergency maintenance to come into our apartment to fix the fuse box. They answered the phone and said someone would come over as soon as possible to fix the problem. We now raced as fast as we could to cover up all of the illegal software which was packed up real high on our living room floor. We grabbed the largest sheet we could possibly find and tried to cover up the huge pile of software the very best we could. The maintenance man showed up at about 10pm at night and quickly switched the fuse box to the on position which then fixed all of our electrical problems we were having. On the way out, he noticed the huge stack in the living room that was covered up real hastily with a large bed sheet. He also noticed our huge and very expensive copier in the corner of our living room. This must of piqued his curiosity, because the maintenance men over the next few days started going through our trash in the apartment complex where we lived. They found tons and tons of discarded supplies that we were using on a daily basis to pirate our Microsoft software. They placed a phone call to the FBI who were very interested to hear what they had to say.
It was now a few days before Christmas, and we had a beautiful Christmas tree in our living room, but there were no presents underneath it. I have no idea why, but I decided to grab about 1000 dollars in my pocket and go to the huge department store by our apartment to buy her a lot of gifts. I told her to keep working on the software, and that I would be back in about 1 hour. I went through the entire store buying her about 13 presents ranging from all different kinds of gifts. I had them all gift wrapped at the store which took a little while, then I drove back to the apartment to put the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I called her from the parking lot and asked her to open the door because I couldn’t carry all of the presents in my hands. I put all of the gifts under the tree and then realized that I had better give her some money to buy some presents for me too. I gave her some money and told her to feel free to take the car to buy whatever she might want. She grabbed the money from me, but there was never going to be any presents for me underneath the tree. Not this Christmas or any other Christmas in the future.
Even on Christmas day I insisted that we work a few hours in the morning making software, I am sure that didn’t make her too happy. I was totally lost without JESUS in my life, while at the same time, I was basically under full control of Satan. I praise JESUS that he didn’t allow Satan to end my life during this dark period. At about lunch time we agreed that we would open the presents. She went first and opened up all of her presents, somewhat faking that she was happy or joyful but inside she really wasn’t at all. As she opened up present after present I said to myself, hmmmm it doesn’t seem like there are any presents for me. I assured myself that she most likely hid them in the bedroom or in her bathroom. We had two bathrooms in our apartment, and since I never had any reason to enter her bathroom, I assumed that she must of put my presents there. She opened up the last few presents and thanked me for everything the best that she could considering the fact that she hated me, but she never went into the bedroom to grab my presents. A few hours went by and we made plans on where to go for dinner and which restaurant we thought might be open on Christmas night. We came back from dinner where I thought surely she would go get my presents now out of the room, or out of her bathroom, but that never happened. We went to sleep that night knowing that we had to wake up in the morning to the tedious work of creating another 20,000 pieces of software. This last order of 20,000 pieces was for a friend that had asked me to send him this huge amount. As I laid in bed I couldn’t believe it that she didn’t buy me a single gift, not even one!
During the 1 week between Christmas and New Years day, we had decided that we better move out of the state, and get as far away from there as we could. We both felt like we were being watched at all times, and we were very afraid plus we were paranoid too. We bought a map of the state of California and unfolded it on our dining room table. After a couple days of thinking about it, I decided that we would move to Northern California to the city of Carmel or San Francisco. We made plans to move on January 5th four days after New Years. We knew we had about nine days before we were moving, and we were just about done creating all of the software that we needed, so we thought about going on vacation to somewhere special for New years eve. We figured Paris France would be a wonderful place to go to see the fire works at the Eiffel Tower. I talked to my friend who said he would love to go with us, but we never went. I was too afraid to leave the apartment for 1 week, knowing that all of our equipment and money were still in the apartment.
It was now 2 days before New years and we took our dinner break to drive to our favorite Chinese Restaurant. During our dinner, I noticed a very attractive blonde haired lady walk into the restaurant, go right to the cashier, and place an order for pickup. I noticed her especially because she was looking at me too. Little did I know, but I would be seeing this lady again in just a few days from now.
For New Years eve, we didn’t do anything special, but we had a nice dinner, and drank a bottle of wine together. When we were both drunk, she said to me that she wished I would always act like this. I guess what she meant was, that when I got drunk, I acted more like a normal person, or that I was much nicer and I had a sense of humor again. She couldn’t possibly understand what I had been through in my life from ages five up to this point, I didn’t even understand what had happened to me at during my life to make me this way. Looking back on it now, I would never ever, ever want to be like that again. I wouldn’t even want to wish that on my worst enemies either.
The next 4 days were very un eventful. We lined up our moving truck, I bought a big screen TV that was going to be delivered to the same department store in their San Francisco outlet, and we finished up all of our software. The last order going out to the man in Los Angeles was sitting on our living room floor all packed up and ready to be shipped out.
IT WAS FINALLY TIME FOR JESUS TO GET MY FULL ATTENTION
On January 4th, the day before we were going to move to Northern California, we finished up all of our tedious work and got ready for the long drive ahead of us the. That night we had our dinner and we were winding down in our apartment when someone knocked on our front door! They knocked again a second time a little harder. About the 3rd time that they knocked, they said "Garrett, open up, this is the FBI". I had no idea who was joking around at our front door. I was wondering who that might be playing a practical joke on us, as I was slowly walking to the front door. I opened up the door and to my surprise, I saw about 20 FBI agents wearing their dark blue FBI jackets and apparel. In the middle of that group I saw that attractive blonde haired woman who was at the Chinese restaurant watching me a few nights earlier. My heart was beating 1000 times a minute now, and my wife had a look of terror on her face as they quickly handcuffed me and rushed into our apartment. Wow, what a terrible experience that was, having 20 FBI agents showing up at my front door. I cant even explain to the normal person reading this how that felt. I felt FEAR, I felt sad, I felt terrified, and I had no idea what was going to happen to us now. I felt like that my life was completely over now, and that there was no hope at all unless they would release us with just a warning. They separated my wife and myself so they could interrogate us privately away from each another. They guarded my wife and brought her into the bedroom closing the door behind them, and they kept me handcuffed and brought me into our bathroom where I was forced to sit on the floor.
For about 30 minutes now they asked us question after question. One question they asked me was, am I hiding any money in the apartment? I quickly told them no. the interrogation went on for about another 20 minutes, when a FBI agent came into the bathroom again, and asked me if I was hiding any money in the apartment? I quickly said no again but by this time, they had already found all of my money that I had hidden in the apartment.
I didn’t know what my wife was telling them at this time, but one of the agents came into the bathroom where I was being held, and asked me if I was abusing my wife. I quickly told them no way, what are you talking about? I had never harmed or abused my wife in any way whatsoever, so I really had no idea why they would ask me that.
The lead FBI agent now brought us both out in hand cuffs and told us that he was going to do us a favor. He wasn’t going to put us into the city jail in general population which would have been a terrible experience, but instead he was going to take us to immigration jail where we would be much safer.
They drove us in their car to the immigration jail, where they booked us and checked us into the jail cell. My wife was taken to the woman’s jail, and of course I was escorted into the men’s jail. It was about midnight now, and all of the men were laying down on a mat on the concrete floor. There was one toilet in the center of the room for all 40 men, so because of this, someone all night long was constantly using the toilet. I didn’t get any sleep at all, and I stayed up the entire night waiting for our court appearance in the morning. To go from being very wealthy and being able to do whatever I wanted to any day of the week, to being locked up in this jail cell, was just a UN believable experience to go through.
Morning finally came, and they brought my wife and myself together in front of the judge. I was really hoping for bail, just like my wife was I am sure. I wasn’t praying for bail, because once again I didn’t know JESUS, and I still had no idea I was even suppose to pray for anything! It was finally our turn to go in front of the judge. Both of us were wearing the jail clothing that they gave us the night before, and we were both very afraid. Well, the judge read the case before us, and then quickly turned DOWN our bail. When the judge refused to give us bail, all hope now seemed shattered and fear crept into my mind about what would happen next. I then realized that we would be going to prison and that there was going to be no way out of this.
After dinner time that same day, they escorted us into the Federal Detention Center, which is just a fancy word for the federal jail in the Seattle area. My wife was sent to the women’’s jail, and I was taken to the men’s. as I entered the jail, the female guard checked me in and said "that she knew who I was". The guard told me that we were all over the local news on television and that she had just seen me on TV. Well, that was quite a feeling to know that I was now being broadcasted on the news channels throughout many parts of the country.
LOCKED UP IN JAIL
There is no experience in the world like walking for the first time into a huge, solid concrete, very noisy and very crowded jail. The jail was two stories tall with a staircase on each end where you could walk up to the second floor. It had TV rooms located in each corner, where the men would separate by race and nationality. For example, the Blacks would all watch TV in their room, and the Whites and Mexicans would watch TV in their own segregated rooms. The jails were using these very depressing greenish yellow fluorescent lights up in the ceiling covering the entire length of the jail. The lights would make the entire jail look like a soft shade of lime green, which then bounced off of the concrete giving a sick impression. Living under those lights for 6 months could practically kill you. Coming out of jail after living under those lights, and breathing that terrible air, you would look almost like a zombie. The noise level in the jail could drive a man insane. From about 7am in the morning, to 11:30 at night seven days a week, there was a constant non stop level of screaming, laughing, crying, singing, talking, shouting, and just about every other noise you could possibly imagine. This was a extremely humbling experience for me, and it turned out that it was exactly what I needed, praise JESUS.
Because of the fact that I had been eating at the very best of the best restaurants from Las Vegas, all the way up north to Seattle the last 3 years, I cant even try to explain to you how bad the jail food was. The food was so bad, I think I lost about 25 pounds over the next 3 months. Not only was the food bad, but there was always the possibility that the male cooks working in the kitchen, would put some very nasty ingredients into our desert each night. Word usually got down to us in the jail cells when the men did this, but it really didn’t help matters much. Oh how I wish some of those men working in the kitchen would of taken a cooking class in high school, haha.
On the third day of being locked up, another prisoner had asked me if I wanted to talk to my wife. I said, ummmm yeah? He then went on to tell me that in his cell I would be able to talk to my wife speaking through the water pipes. I thought he was crazy! But the fact was, he was telling the truth. The women’s jail was right above ours, and if we took all of the water out of the pipes in our sink, we could then talk to the lady who was in the cell right above us. We sent word through the woman who was living in the cell above to get my wife, and to bring her into the cell at such and such time so as that I could talk to her for a few minutes. Using this method, I was able to talk to my wife about 10 times over the next 6 months while being locked up in jail.
In jail, there is a constant state of danger. Nobody could ever let their guard down, not even for a few minutes. I saw some of the most terrible fights in jail, where a group of men would all beat one man nearly to death. After a fight, if the guards clearly saw who was fighting, they would hand cuff them guilty parties and take them all to the hole. But, if the guards didn’t see who was fighting, then they would lock up all of the men in their cells, and proceed to come to our cells one at a time forcing us to take off our clothing. The purpose of this was that they were looking for marks on our bodies that might of showed that we were involved in the fight. This is called LOCK DOWN. The guards would come running into the jail screaming lock down, lock down. Upon hearing this, we were all expected to quickly go to our own cells. The men who were involved in the fight, once caught, would then be handcuffed and escorted to the hole. The hole was a slang term used for describing a very tiny cell, usually with no windows where the inmate would now have to live for a certain period of time. Some men would live in the hole for 1-2 years or even longer, although that was very rare. Most of the time, the average inmate who was taken to the holy would be there for one to six months. It is very sad to say, but I was escorted to the hole on 3 different occasions. Looking back on those experiences now, I can clearly see that JESUS needed to get me into isolation, living in the hole so as to get my attention on him and the bible among many other important issues too.
Each normal jail cell held two men, but at the time I was released, two years later, the Federal Government was trying to illegally make the cells in prisons across the USA to hold three people each. Imagine that, three people living in those tiny cells. What a miserable life that was for me. I had never experienced anything like this before, and as each day dragged by, all I could think about was dying.
On about the 3rd day in jail, I was finally approved to make phone calls. We had to turn in a list of people that we wanted to call into the cell-block manager. After a short investigation, the Lieutenant would approve a inmates phone list and then he could start using the telephone. Well, I had to call my family now and give them the bad news. I called my dad, and told him where I was and a gave him a very short explanation of what happened. My dad was very sad after hearing the bad news about what I did and where I was now. All of the phone calls are recorded in jail and prison, so while in jail before your court date, if you let out any secrets concerning your case, it could be used against you in court. I then called my brother living in Las Vegas and gave him the same bad news. A few of my family members were very sad and concerned to hear this bad news, yet there was the other half of the family that really didn’t seem to care at all.
My wife was talking badly about me to the women up in the women’s jail, so because of this, my laundry was constantly getting lost. Women were in charge of the laundry for the entire institution, and because our last names were all on our clothing, my laundry after being cleaned by the women never found its way back to me. I have no idea how they were throwing it away, but after a few weeks of this, I had to make a formal complaint to the Lieutenant on how my laundry was being lost on purpose by the women cleaning it. That did fix the situation with my lost clothing right away.
They assigned a public defender to handle my case, yet my wife for some reason was given a high powered attorney working in downtown Seattle sky rise. Because the federal judges work for the government, and the federal public defenders are working for the government, there really isn’t much hope for the inmate to get a fair hearing. The FBI wanted me to sign a plea agreement giving me 28-36 months of prison time, but I told my public defender, no way. A few weeks went by, and he said he tried to talk to the FBI about lowering the prison time, but he said that the FBI wouldn’t budge. This went on back and forth for about 3 months. During this time, my wife’s attorney was pressuring us to include her in the plea bargain, so as to get her charges completely dropped. Therefore I would be taking the full responsibility of the crime, and with that, taking the full punishment too. My wife was now calling my dad and brother on a regular basis asking them to ask me if I would include her in my plea bargain with the FBI to get all of her charges dropped.
After about 3 months of being locked up in jail, I decided to fire my public defender, and to hire a private attorney. This was a huge mistake and a complete waste of money. The private attorneys are also working with the federal government as a team to close these cases as fast as possible, siding with the government at all times. Since all of my money was taken by the FBI, and they froze our bank accounts, I had to borrow the money from my sister to pay this attorney. My new attorney said he approached the FBI to try to form an agreement with them in my plea bargain for serving less time, but he said that the FBI wouldn’t budge on the amount of time that they wanted me to spend in prison. I asked him to talk to them again, but a few weeks later he came back to me saying that there was no hope, we cannot get them to agree to less time.
During these first 90 days, all I could think about was killing myself. One of the men in the jail, found out what I was planning to do, and he asked another Christian man if he would be willing to talk to me. The other man did come up to talk to me about what was going on in my life, but I don’t think it helped much. Day after day I was making plans in my head on how I could kill myself, or what I would use to do it. After a few weeks of thinking about, I came to the conclusion that I would use the top of the cans of chicken that we would buy at the commissary. To eat the chicken, you had to peel off the aluminum top which then could be bent into a very sharp weapon. So this was the plan that I was working on in my head over the first few months of being locked up in prison. After all, I had been suicidal for most of my adult life, so now that I was locked up in jail, the thought of killing myself was with me constantly. I am very, very grateful that JESUS had other much better plans for myself and my life!
My wife was always suppose to meet me at a certain day and time where we would then talk through the water pipes that connected both of our sinks, but she rarely ever showed up. This really frustrated me to no ends. I would meet her one time to talk about what was happening in court, and then she wouldn’t show up the next 10 times. Then again, we would talk one time, and then she would disappear for as long as even 1 month. I was very angry at her for this, and I felt completely frustrated with her behavior. After all of this terrible treatment by her, and after she faked our entire marriage, there was no way I wanted to include her in the plea bargain so she could be set free, while I spent two years of my life in prison. I had no conscious at the time, and doing the right thing was the farthest thing from my mind. She was relentless though; She kept calling my dad and brother pressuring them on the phone to get me to include her in my plea bargain with the FBI to have her charges completely dropped. As I called my dad and brother a few times a week, they would always tell me that they had talked to my wife, and that I should try to get her charges dropped just as fast as I possibly could. I tried explaining to them how she didn’t love me, how she faked the entire marriage and on and on but they just wouldn’t listen. It seems that GOD wanted her charges dropped and no matter how much I tried to explain the situation to my dad and brother, they just weren’t listening. A few more weeks passed by, and I guess my wife had called my dad and brother screaming and crying to them on the telephone. The said that my wife was acting completely hysterical. She would start crying on the phone trying to get them to tell me to have her charges dropped in my plea bargain, and for myself to take the full blame and punishment for the crime. My attorney said not to do this, that he felt he could get me less time with her still involved in the case. I tried to explain to my attorney how she was calling my family crying to them on the telephone.
My wife had told my dad and brother that if I could get her charges by the FBI completely dropped, she would follow me to whatever city the federal prison system would send me to. She told my family that she would visit me all the time, and that she would get a full time job so as to support herself, and also to be able to send me financial support while I was doing my two years of punishment in prison. My dad and brother completely believed her, it was almost as if they were under her spell. Once again, JESUS wanted her out of jail and this was the LORD’S plan of course, but at that time, what on earth did I know about the LORD?
After a heated discussion, first with my dad on the phone, and another with my brother, I finally agreed to include her in my plea bargain so as to have her charges completely dropped. Like a complete fool, I actually thought she would visit me in prison, or write to me, or accept my phone calls, but of course we were all wrong. I hung up the phone with my dad, and then quickly made the free call to my attorney. I don’t think he answered, but on his voice mail, I repeated myself 3 different times, that let us go ahead and include my wife to have her charges completely dropped, yet at the same time I asked him to approach the FBI again to ask for a lesser sentencing guideline for myself. The very next day, my attorney called me downstairs to have a meeting with him. He told me that, yes she is included now and that her charges would be completely dropped, but that the FBI is insisting on the maximum penalty for my case. Not only that, but there was more bad news. The FBI had told my attorney, that if I didn’t sign the plea bargain within a few days, that they would add many more charges onto my case resulting in close to a 5-7 year sentence in prison. My attorney told me that we better accept their plea bargain of 28-36 months right away before the FBI decided to add even more charges onto my case. So I gave him the go ahead to make this happen. My wife’s high powered attorney had the wheels of justice moving super fast, in fact I think it was only one day that had passed when he was able to have our court hearing. They rushed me to court and made me put my hand on a bible swearing that I was telling the truth. I wasn’t telling the truth, I was saying the truth that the FBI wanted me to say. Oh well, it was good enough, because as I was coming back into the jail from court, I saw that they were releasing my wife out of the jail. We were both in the same room at the same time. What a powerful display of GOD’S sovereignty. What perfect timing, I was coming back into this hell, and she was very excited that her charges were dropped and she was being released immediately. We saw each other, and the person in charge of the release area of the jail allowed us to talk in a private room for a few minutes. She commented on how I had lost so much weight, and how terrible I looked. That was about all there was to talk about.
A few days later, she actually did come to visit me in jail, but that would be the last time I would ever see her or hear from her again until my divorce papers showed up. Unfortunately for me, she wasn’t finished yet! The day after her charges were completely dropped and she was free to go, she drove herself to FBI headquarters to tell on me all over again. The FBI didn’t ask her to do this, and they didn’t contact her either. She did this all on her own initiative. She talked with them in their offices and proceeded to go over the entire operation step by step to try to get me in even more trouble. I was told all of the above by my attorney a few weeks after she was released.
During my first 90 days in jail, while all of the above was going on, I had a major problem with my cell mate. I was so out of control, so lost, so depressed that I told the guard if my cell mate kept making a lot of noise, that I was going to kill him. I didn’t mean I would kill him literally, that was just a slang word I used for saying that I couldn’t tolerate his noise and bad behavior. Well in jail, they don’t care, they take all of your words literally, so because of this, about ten minutes after I said to the guard what I said, a lot of guards came into the jail pointing their fingers at me. I walked up to them and said you want me? They said, turn around, and they hand cuffed me and told me they were taking me to the hole.
I was now experiencing living in the hole for the very first time, and if JESUS didn’t move his powerful hand to get me completely isolated, things could have been much, much worse back in public jail. I was totally out of control emotionally and psychologically, so I was a very dangerous person during this time of incarceration. The food was the same in the hole as in general population, but it was somewhat quieter. Sure there were a lot of men in the hole at all times, with some of them screaming or crying or whatever, but still it was generally quieter. I lived in the hole about five weeks this time, waiting for the jail administrators to give me permission to go back to general population. During this five week period, my old roommate had found out what I said about him, and now he wanted to kill me. He was a extremely popular person in jail, and he and all of the men who were of the same nationality as him, were all after me now. So, now I found myself living in the hole, with a entire nationality of men all wanting to kill me, so obviously this was a difficult time to live through. JESUS was about to protect me doing one supernatural miracle after another just like he had done in the bible many times before for different people. The jail administrators must of found out that they were after me, because they were now doing a full investigation into this situation. After about five weeks of living in the hole, I was released back into general population, but they were moving me from my old cell block, to a brand new one because of the fact that the men in the old cell block wanted to kill me. Why did all of these men want to kill me? Because they were just as out of control emotionally and spiritually as I was, so this was just their normal behavior. I entered into the new jail block, and found out thank GOD that I now had my own jail cell. To keep my jail cell to myself, I would buy some food and candy for one of the inmates whom the Lieutenant for some reason would listen to, or they had a small kind of friendship together. So, each week I bought a little food and candy for this new friend of mine, and he would ask the Lieutenant to please keep me alone because of such and such happening in his life, well it worked. I was able to live completely alone for the next few months in my own cell while awaiting my official court date of sentencing. That was a very good blessing of GOD!
My old cell mate who wanted to kill me, was able to get a verbal word out to all of his people in the new cell block that I was now assigned to live in too. So upon entering the new cell block, they were waiting for me. Praise JESUS he used one person after another to protect me. They wanted to hurt me but a new friend of mine talked to a few of their leaders in private and told them to let me slide and to try to forget about whatever had happened before. You have to remember, these are completely, totally, unstable men incase your wondering why things got out of control so quickly. My new friend happened to be a huge white Aryan member of the brotherhood praise JESUS, so when he asked them to leave me alone, they grudgingly said ok kind of. I used the words kind of, because from time to time there was a lot of talk about how they were going to attack me, but either JESUS used one of my new friends to talk to them, or JESUS himself took it out of their minds. This went on for the entire three months until my sentencing date. On one occasion, one of my friends who was African American = a.k.a. Black, put his entire life in danger for me. The nationality that was after me, basically gave up after a month or two, but now a few of the Caucasian men were now talking about hurting me. So my new friend who happened to be black met with them in private, which was very dangerous for him to do. I saw them screaming at each other, but praise JESUS that nothing bad happened and that my friend didn’t get hurt or killed. In the second jail block I lived in, the Blacks were quite powerful, and my new friend happened to be one of their leaders which was just once again, JESUS having all of our provisions and protection taken care of since the beginning of the foundation of the world.
OUR GOD GIVES PEOPLE SECOND CHANCES!!
One night when I was contemplating on how to end my own life, something strange happened again. I say again because this is the second time in my life that it happened. I was laying in my bed in the dark, problems were everywhere in my life and in jail, and at about midnight again, for some reason which I have no idea why, I ASKED JESUS FOR HELP. I didn’t plan on doing this, in fact he was the farthest thing from my mind. Even tonight writing this article I still don’t know why I called out to JESUS. But in the middle of the night, with my entire life destroyed, I clearly called out to JESUS again for help, and BOY DID HE!
The very next day I felt much better then I had in years, or I should say in decades. Every week there were Christian volunteers who came into the jail block to do a worship session or bible reading session. Now I automatically went; I didn’t plan to go, and I didn’t even give it any thought, I just found myself going twice a week as the volunteers would continue to come into our jail while volunteering their time to spend time with us. We read the bible, we sang songs, and they preached to us to a little. The jail didn’t give them much time, but it was really helping me. This was one of those things where JESUS just kind of whispers for you to go. You have no idea why you are going there, but you go each week, and it was really helping me to feel better and better.
I was now reading the bible a lot in my room, and praise JESUS I was still alone in my cell. This gave me the peace and quiet to be able to read the bible for hours at a time without being bothered by a cell mate having either having to use the bathroom or for any other of a hundred reasons. My sentencing date was coming up soon, and my life was really changing now for the better. Once again, nobody told me to read the bible, nobody up to this point had told me much of anything about JESUS, or sinning, or salvation, but just like before, the HOLY SPIRIT just whispered to start reading it, and reading it is what I did.
I decided I would write a personal letter to my sentencing judge explaining how my life had fallen apart, and a lot of the other serious issues I was going through. The letter had a good Christian feel to it now, and when finished, it was about 3 pages long. I gave the letter to my attorney, who then forwarded it to my sentencing judge.
I wasn’t really afraid much anymore in jail, now that I was interacting with JESUS. Or I should say, the fear was going away. I now had some peace in my life for the first time in decades, and as my sentencing date drew near, I was now able to focus on and pray for a shorter sentencing then what the FBI wanted.
It had been 15 years since I first cried out to JESUS for help as a 19 year old teenager, and wow what a terrible 15 years that was. Living in pure hell for a decade and a half weighed really heavy in me at all times, but now that I was a brand new Christian, I was able to handle my situation of being locked up much better then before.
It was now sentencing day, so the jail woke me up early to give me time to get ready. I got dressed, and they escorted me to the front of the jail which we never get to see except for our court dates when they drive us to the court building. Upon entering the jail and exiting the jail, they always strip search all of the inmates. After being searched, they then shackled my legs and hands with chains and put me into their government van for the short drive to the courthouse.
Microsoft had their representatives there in court, and of course the lead FBI agents were there with the prosecutor to give the judge their opinion on how much time they thought I should do in prison. As the sentencing started, I noticed that my personal letter that I wrote to the judge happened to be in her hand. So I know she definitely read it. The prosecutors went on to tell the judge that I was a master mind criminal, and to give me the absolute maximum sentencing possible. They had explained to the judge that new laws were about to be passed in the next few months giving criminals who counterfeit software up to five years in prison. Well, when I heard that, I started to get real scared. But the judge countered the prosecutor and told him that my case was started half a year ago and that those new guidelines will not be allowed in my sentencing. Wow, I could breathe again. The female judge was allowed to sentence me anywhere from 28 months all the way up to 36 which would have been three years of my life behind bars. In some cases, a federal judge is also allowed to go outside of the sentencing guidelines and could then order any amount of time that he or she wanted for the inmate. Praise to JESUS she didn’t do this. The prosecutor demanded that I be given the maximum amount of time behind bars to set an example to others who might be thinking of committing this crime. Upon hearing him say that, I was starting to get nervous again. My attorney of course asked for the minimum. Well, praise JESUS again! The judge gave me the minimum amount of time which was 26 months. With good time included, I could be out of jail and prison in just 22 months. I had up to this point spent six months in jail, which did count towards my sentencing. That found me with 18 months to go until I could experience freedom again.
I was kept in jail about 30 more days while they waited to find out what prison I would be transferred to. I was feeling much better now. I did have some fear about which prison they would send me to, but praise JESUS for his help and blessings. After about 30 days they notified me where they would be transferring me to. Because of the fact that some of my old enemies from the last cell block could be in that prison, my sister tried to contact the Bureau of Prisons to ask them if I could be switched to a different prison. They said no, they would not consider sending me to another facility. That was JESUS once again blessing me, because of the fact that they said no, they wouldn’t transfer me, I was sent to a prison with a very strong Christian base active inside of it. After being in jail for almost seven months now, I felt more ready then ever to finally be transferred to prison. After living on that terrible jail food, and walking under those fluorescent lights for seven months, yes, I was very ready to get out of there. I was afraid, but JESUS was with me, and even though there would be some difficult times ahead, he helped me step by step to get back on to the destiny that he had planned for me since before he even created the world.
Well, the day to be transferred to prison was finally here; There would be a lot of us men going into the buses this morning, which would then drive us to our various prisons all over the West coast of the USA. They woke us up real early to get showered and dressed, then of course they would strip search us like always, and with shackles on our hands and feet, they loaded us up on the buses for the long journey ahead.
Many hours later, we were finally arriving at the prison where I would be dropped off at, and it was about dinner time too. So they brought us into a holding cell, and asked us what kind of food we wanted for dinner. When the food arrived, it was much, much better then what they had been feeding us the last seven months in jail. The higher quality of food this prison had was a piece of very good news! Because of the fact, that there were a lot of men still after my life, to my surprise, they put me in the hole right after dinner. I found myself back in the hole now not knowing what was going to happen with me at this new prison. After a few days of living in the hole, they released me to go live in the general population. I grabbed my belongings and started the long walk to the compounds where the men live. The prison was absolutely beautiful! It was more like a college campus with grass and many different kinds of trees all over the place. There were birds around at all times, and not just some birds but, many, many birds of all kinds were flying all over looking for food. With the trees, green grass and the birds, this prison had a very peaceful appearance to it. I found my way to compound C, and real quietly made my way to my cell……. Well, the administrators had me living with a Black man, which is just unheard of in prison. In prison, racism is very, very rampant, so upon entering the cell, he was shocked to see that I was Caucasian. On top of this, they found out that one of my enemies from jail was right here living next to my cell. I was rounded up by the guards and they quickly brought me back to the hole again. This time, I lived in the hole for four long weeks.
While living in the hole, the guards only gave me 1 phone call a week, which was very depressing. It was such an incredible experience to live in the hole again. This time, JESUS was with me strongly, and I was doing much better, but to keep men or women living in the hole for long periods of time is quite an experience that most people would never ever want to live through.
It was during this four week period of living in the hole, that my divorce papers had arrived. One night at about 5 pm, the guard walked up to my cell, and handed me this huge package. I quickly opened it up, and was very shocked to see that my wife was now divorcing me. The same attorney that helped her to get her charges dropped, was now handling the divorce of our marriage. I never got a single warning from her that she wanted a divorce. In fact, besides the day after that she was freed from jail, I never received any information from her, as far as where she was living, or what she was doing. Upon reading the divorce documents, she was asking the courts for all of our cash, and our sports car, while leaving me with all of the bills. I didn’t know what to do, so I kept the divorce papers in my cell for a week or two trying to figure out what the next proper step in my life should be. After contemplating it for a few weeks, I decided to sign the divorce papers and mail them back to her attorney. Since I was locked up in prison, of course she completely WON in court. The judge gave her our cash, and sports car, and gave me every bill. That was the end of my marriage, and I would never hear from her again. Later on I found out that she was forced to go back to Russia for a short time because of a immigration problem, but a short time later she came back to the Seattle where she proceeded to go to school to become an attorney. She did graduate from Law school from what I learned and is a full attorney now.
They gave the men living in the hole up to four books a week, so you had to choose your books real carefully, because it would be all you would get till the following week. There was no TV in the tiny cells, no magazines, and most of us including myself didn’t have a radio to listen to, so the books that you chose to read, would be the only outlet to pass the long hours and days. It was during this stay in the hole, that my brother living in Las Vegas had mailed to me a wonderful brand new bible. So now I had my own custom bible to read which really helped matters considerably.
While living in the hole, many times or I should say quite often, you would hear the other men screaming all kinds of different profanities to the guards or to anyone else they thought was listening. On one occasion, the prisoner living in the cell next to mine started acting really crazy over a three day period. He was ranting and raving about all kinds of crazy things. He wasn’t listening to the guards, and even though they warned him a few times, he kept on being defiant towards them. After a few days of this, the guards got suited up in their protective riot gear, wearing full body armor from head to toe, and they went into the mans cell and beat him real badly. His cell was right next to mine; I felt like I had lived through that entire ordeal myself during those terrible three days. After they beat him for a while, he then became a perfect inmate over the next few weeks until I was let out of the hole.
The four weeks passed by, and I was released to general population again. The administrators said that it should be perfectly safe to go back to general population, I guess that means they did a full investigation and found out that it would be safe for me. I started the long walk back to cell block C again. This time I was living with two other Caucasian men in the same cell. With three men in the cell, it was almost impossible to get any sleep. Someone was always either getting up to use the bathroom, or waking up to get ready for work. It took almost two weeks, but I got transferred out of that cell as fast as I could into a normal two man cell. I couldn’t believe it, they put me in a cell with a Black man again! I don’t know what the administrators were trying to do, or what JESUS had in mind here, but the other Black men in the cell block were not happy about this one bit. Now I wasn’t racist at all, in fact not only was my step dad black, but throughout my life, a lot of my best friends were Black too. It was the Black men in the cell block who were racist and had a huge problem with this. After transferring out of that cell into another one, I then found out that there was a cell downstairs for sale. My sister came to visit me in prison, which was a very long trip from Southern California to Oregon, but she flew in on the airplane to visit me which was very nice of her. We had a good talk, even though the visiting time just went by toooooo fast. During our talk, I mentioned to her what was going on in the cell block with racism, and I told her that there was a jail cell for sale. She offered to buy the cell for me, so upon returning back home, she sent the money onto my books, so I could then use the money to pay for the cell. You don’t get to hold cash in prison, what they do is they put the money on your prison books. This is a way to keep a financial record of how much money you can spend in the commissary. All of this happened in the first few weeks of living in the cell block after being released from the hole.
A day or two later, I was walking back to my cell block, when I looked up and saw this HUGE man, who was obviously a native American Indian staring at me. He had a huge smile on his face which looked kind of strange to me. I walked by him to try to find what cell they would put me in this time. I didn’t know if he was truly saying hello, or if he was another of the crazy maniacs in here. So at this point, I kept walking right by him probably with a strange facial expression on my own face too. I had no idea at the time, but he was going to be my best friend during the next year while being locked up together in prison. His name was Fast horse, and he was a full blood 100% Dakota Indian which is very, very rare to find in the USA. He looked as much like a Indian man as anyone that you might ever see on TV, with the typical long black hair that always had a red bandana wrapped around it. Fast horse wasn’t a Christian, in fact not even close, but it was amazing how many times JESUS was going to talk through him to me over the next year. Fast horse believed like a lot of other Indians in the natural spirit world, or the spirits of nature and the earth, so of course he was as far away from JESUS as he could be. This didn’t bother me at all, because of the fact that we were able to get along so well. I could easily say that he was the best friend that I ever had in my life. Unfortunately, a few months after I was released from the prison, Fast horse first attacked a female guard, and then he proceeded to run over to her desk, grab a few pens, and stab himself in the neck bringing a quick end to his own very hard, miserable and bitter life.
My first day out of the hole, I was able to find a friend that I knew back in jail named Kelly. He quickly told me that there was a church service tonight and that I should go for sure to meet all of the men. Well, I didn’t know how to get there or what any of the other rules were in the prison for walking around. At 6pm when church started, I walked quickly to the building where all of the men met, but the guards wouldn’t let me in. they told me that each inmate only has 10 minutes to get to a location, but after 10 minutes if I didn’t arrive at my new location, I would then have to turn around and go back to my cell block. Well being the fact that I didn’t know this, of course I was about 20 seconds too late to be allowed into the church. So my plan was this, I would go back to the cell block, but at 7 pm when church was ending, I would walk real fast to the church just to say hello to a few people. So at 10 minutes to 7pm when the very loud alarm sound went off, this time I quickly walked to the church to find my old friend from jail. Walking inside, everyone looked like they were doing real good, and my friend Kelly from jail introduced me to a few of his new friends. Remember though, we only had 10 minutes to get to each location, so we did about a 2 minute hello to everyone, and then we had to quickly walk back to our own cell blocks. Kelly lived in cell block D right next to mine, so we walked back together to our own cell blocks for the night.
I was sound asleep early in the morning, when I thought I heard my last name blaring on the loud speaker. I wake up and think to myself, I must be dreaming. So I fell back asleep quickly, but there it was again! Now my heart was beating really fast because I had no idea what was wrong this time. I got dressed quickly, and reported to the guards to find out what is going on. Well, I found out that I wasn’t in trouble, but that they wanted to put me to work outside raking up leaves all morning. They had many trees all over the grounds and guess what? It was fall time and the leaves were falling down onto the grass by the thousands. All new inmates who weren’t assigned a job yet, were all called on the loudspeakers to report to the guard shack to rake up leaves. They handed me an old rake, and pointed to where they wanted me to go to start cleaning up the leaves. Ummm after being quite wealthy just seven months earlier, I wasn’t happy about raking up dirty leaves on the grass. Praise JESUS, in all his wisdom because it was with raking leaves outside on the beautiful grounds, and seeing the wonderful birds everywhere, that his HOLY SPIRIT taught me how to start praying.
I found myself outside early in the morning in the freezing cold, with a rake in my hands raking up leaves. So much for the master mind criminal that the prosecutor called me in court. Looking over my life this cold early morning, realizing that I have been delegated in life to cleaning up leaves, made me feel pretty sad. Praise to JESUS, because in the near future, JESUS would assign me in life to doing a lot more then just raking up leaves, but JESUS had to undo all of the bad and evil that the world had taught me to do up to this point so far in my life. Now out of nowhere, I hear a man calling my name! I didn’t even look up because I just assumed it was one of my enemies from jail. I was expecting a few enemies to jump me at any second, so I was feeling pretty scared now. I just kept on raking up leaves ignoring him, in fact, I never even looked up to see who it was calling out my name.. He continued to call out my name a few more times, but I still didn’t look at up him. He then called my name one more time, and I looked up to see who it was. It was the man from church the night before. He had a huge smile on his face probably because he knew I was afraid. He just wanted to say hello to me, and to let me know that he was there for me if I needed any help. Praise JESUS! What I needed at that time was a new friend, and JESUS being GOD, sent me another friend this morning. His name was Bobby, and although he lived in a different cell block, over the next year I would be hanging out with him on a regular basis at church, and out in the yard lifting weights each night. So now I was friends with Fast horse, and Bobby my new Christian friend. Bobby had been in the prison system for a very long time. When he was much younger, he was actually a somewhat famous criminal whom a lot of us heard about on TV. After showing good behavior throughout all the years, Bobby was able to work his way out of the penitentiary to a medium class prison which was where we were at now. I was feeling so sad while raking up leaves, that Bobby just saying hello to me, was a great blessing that really uplifted me.
Fast horse was one of the leaders of all the Indian men in prison, in fact he might have been the main leader, I wasn’t exactly sure, and Bobby was a very popular Christian in the prison, so JESUS gave me a good head start here, and he surrounded me with the friends and people that I would need to make it through my time in prison.
Up to this point, JESUS himself had told me to read the bible, led me to go to the church services in jail without anybody ever inviting me, and he also taught me how to pray. Now I was blessed again by JESUS when the prison gave me a permanent job. I was to rake up leaves from 12:30 noontime to 1:30. While all the other men in the prison had to get up early in the morning to go to work, and to proceed to work 9 hours a day. I on the other hand was able to sleep late, and I only had to work 1 hour a day. This was a great blessing. Almost immediately upon starting my new job as a groundskeeper, JESUS whispered to me to start praying for my family and myself. So each day, as I raked up the leaves in the sunshine, I would spend almost the entire time praying for my family and myself, and the peace of spending this time with JESUS was wonderful. At this exact same time, I came across a few wonderful books that my brother in Las Vegas had mailed to me. The books would teach me some of the most important principals on abiding in JESUS and practicing the presence of JESUS. All of this was so new to me, so while reading both books, and learning about all of the wonderful things that I could work on now, I was feeling better and better. Yes I was still depressed about being locked up prison. Yes I was still very sad about losing two years of my freedom, but as I read Merlin Carothers books on worshiping, and as I read Brother Lawrence’s book on practicing the presence of GOD, I was slowly starting to feel like my life now had a purpose. Like my life now had a good solid direction to it. Both of the above mentioned men are long since dead, but JESUS in all his power and sovereignty, was able to get the exact books that I needed to read into my hands. By sending me those books, JESUS could slowly turn me into the man of GOD that JESUS wanted me to be. Yes, I was still depressed and a complete emotional wreck, but the healing process was already started by JESUS in my life, and slowly, ever so slowly, I was starting to feel more and more complete.
We had church services to go to every Monday and Thursday nights, which gave us Christian men something to do, and of course every Sunday night was the main church worshiping service. Each of the three nights saw different volunteers come into the prison to either preach to us, or study the bible with us, or lead us by playing and performing worship music. I always looked forward to those three nights so I could participate in all of the Christian activities. I don’t think I ever missed a single church event during my entire stay in prison, except for when I caught the flu.
With JESUS’ help, I found myself working out a real powerful routine. Nobody told me to make a powerful routine, JESUS just taught me himself how to do it. I would wake up at about 10:30 am in the morning, take a shower and get dressed just in time for lunch at 11am. After I ate lunch, I would walk out to the yard with my Sony Walkman in my hand, just looking at the wonderful clouds in the sky and the birds flying all around. I would put Christian music on my radio and slowly walked laps around the entire yard for a full hour every day. Men would be lifting weights or playing basketball, while I listened to the brand new Christian songs on my radio. I also used this time to pray a little too, I say a little because after all I was still a brand spanking new Christian. I used the words brand new Christian songs, because up to this point I had never heard any Christian music in my entire life. I don’t even know how I was able to find the Christian radio station. I didn’t plan on finding it, I didn’t purposely look for it, it was just JESUS himself once again taking me by his powerful loving hand and showing me what to do next. After spending the one hour walking laps around the prison compound, I then found myself going straight to the church building where they had about 50 Christian videos that the men were allowed to watch. There were Christian music videos, and a lot of preaching and even some great movies too. I have to mention one more time, that nobody in the prison told me to do this, but this was JESUS himself showing me what we Christians are suppose to do on a daily basis to have a good healthy relationship with HIM. There were the movies on David, and Moses, Joseph and about another 20 movies that the men could check out at any time to watch in the TV VCR combo units that we had. I started to watch TD Jakes videos quite often, they were really helping me and educating me at the same time. Up to this point, I had no idea what It meant to be a Christian, or just about anything else having to do with JESUS, but TD Jakes had his full set of preaching videos in all of the prisons across the USA, including the prison I was in. It was an excellent blessing by JESUS to put me into a prison with such a strong Christian base. After watching the videos, movies or Christian concerts for one hour, I then went back to my cell where I would usually read my books or bible or any other Christian literature I could get my hands on. I was now in a learning frenzy where I was compelled by JESUS to learn as much as I possibly could about who HE is, and who we Christians are and what was expected of us now that we have accepted JESUS into our lives. A few hours later it would be dinner time, where I would always hang out with Fast horse walking to the prison kitchen together. After dinner, if it was one of the three church nights, I would then go straight from our prison kitchen to church which happened to be right next to the kitchen. After church of course, my friends and myself would always lift weights out in the yard. Lifting weights in the summertime was a very pleasurable experience, but in the winter time with the ice and snow, that was a whole different story. Every night I hung out with fast horse cooking snacks to eat, and talking about one thousand different topics and subject until it was time for lock down. Lock down was when the guards gave us ten minutes to get to our cells for the rest of the night. I did this exact routine for the entire time I lived in prison, and I noticed that the days were flying by one after another and that I was feeling better and being transformed into a brand new person by JESUS.
I tell you, time is a very strange thing. I only had just a little over a year to do in prison. On the one hand, one year of prison time seemed like it would be an eternity. On the other hand, the days were really flying by. Its hard to explain, but when I focused on all of the bad things in my life, including being locked up in prison, my terrible past, and all that I had lost or was taken from me, it seemed like I still had an eternity to go until I would be released. But on the other hand, if I prayed, worshiped JESUS, went to church three nights a week and studied a lot, then it seemed like the days were flying by. I prayed to JESUS all the time to please have the days fly by like the wind, and they really did. Day after day, week after week, and month after month, JESUS not only protected me and kept me safe, but he also provided the friends that I needed. He supplied all of my provisions, and even the exact specific books, movies, and videos that he wanted me to watch or read he supernaturally got into my hands through various different means.
I received my Sister’s money onto my books, so as quickly as I could, I talked to the Mexican guys who were selling the cell. They moved me into their cell, while at the same time they moved out to other cells, which then left me alone in the cell. They gave me a huge list of items that they wanted me to buy for them in the commissary. I kept the list, and now decided who I would move into my cell to live with me. Well, of course I was going to choose Fast horse. I went into the administrators office to request that they move Fast horse into my cell, but then the unexpected happened. The cell block manager said no to me, and he turned down my request. That was un heard of in prison, usually if you wanted your friend to move into your cell, it was an automatic approval, but not this time. JESUS had other plans here who would be living with me and I was going to find out exactly what they were very shortly from now. I spent that night alone in my cell, which was of course a great blessing. The next day, I was walking back to my cell from the church where I was probably watching Christian videos, and upon entering my own cell, I found that somebody else had moved in without my permission. Once again, that was un heard of in prison. Nobody ever moved into a cell without notifying the person who owned the cell first. Well, there he was. He was a very short, older Mexican man named Johnny. He was of course hooked up with the gangs in prison, and he was working his way down from the penitentiaries where he had lived for most of his life. Why on earth would JESUS have this man move into my cell without my permission, and yet at the same time, bypass my best friend Fast horse?. At dinner time, I gave Fast horse the bad news, that first of all they had said no, you cannot move in with me, and to top it all off, they moved in a complete stranger into my cell without my permission. Johnny told me that he had gone to the cell block manager to ask permission to move into my cell, and to please allow him to stay. I guess he was having a lot of trouble with his old cell mate and he didn’t want to go back to his old cell. So he calmed me down somewhat by promising to be quiet or whatever else he promised at the time. Too bad he never kept any of his promises to me. A few of the main reasons that JESUS had Johnny move into my cell, was to humble me first of all, and to teach me patience among quite a few other things too. Johnny would purposely walk around the cell making a lot of noise! Basically speaking, he was very lonely and just wanted me to wake up so as to have someone to talk to. He would do all sorts of things to really push my patience and pride to its limits. Of course I had a huge pride problem still, and yes I thought I was better then everyone else still at this time in my life. So, because of Johnny’s reputation and how he was respected in prison by the Latin population, I basically had to keep quiet for the entire ten months that we ended up living together. He would come into our cell with the vacuum cleaner blaring loud early in the morning when he knew I was sleeping, or he might come barging into our cell while I was sleeping with other equipment to make as much noise as possible. One of his favorite things to do was, to constantly flush the toilet while I was sleeping. In prison, they have super, super powerful toilets where you could even flush down fruit or food. So, yes they were very loud! For ten months I had to practice extreme patience, and kindness and the LORD was really humbling me. Sure, I did lose my temper with Johnny from time to time, but praise JESUS nothing bad ever came of it. It is sad to say, but the last time I lost my temper with him, we were never able to make up before he was released from prison. Johnny was released from prison about three months before me. The night before he was to be released, I wanted to say something to him along the lines of making up, but I didn’t. He got up at about 6am in the morning the day of his release, he packed up his items, he opened our cell door, stared at me for about 10 second never saying a word, and he just left. I know he wanted to make up, and so did I, but I guess I was just too new with the LORD and I wasn’t able to at that time in my life.
Johnny was very old, and he was sick quite often, which also led him to get into some very bad moods. He was a hardened criminal who had done some of the most terrible things in prison to other men when he was a little younger. On one of the occasions when he was being exceptionally mean, I talked to one of my Christian brothers about the situation out in the yard, while we were sitting up in the football stands. Together, we cried out to JESUS for help with Johnny and myself. That day, walking back to my cell in the afternoon, Johnny was very friendly all of the sudden, and we were able to get along good for a while. Praise JESUS for answering our prayer!
The last time I was in the hole, I was celled up with a leader of one of the Mexican gangs in prison. Well, his gang happened to be enemies with Johnny’s gang. One night, I guess Johnny saw me talking to that other gang leader and it really bothered him. So what did Johnny do? He had one of his gang members threaten me right in front of the guards outside by the basketball courts. After being threatened, I quickly found Johnny and said to him, what on earth are you doing? He pretended at first that he didn’t know what I was talking about, then he kind of smiled, then he said don’t worry, I take care of it and tell them to leave you alone. This was only one example among 50 that Johnny would do to cause some mischief. Well praise JESUS, I was able to practice being humble, and patient even to the extreme.
One time I came down with the flu. Not just any flu, but this was so bad, I just about died. For two weeks I was stuck in my bed too weak to be able to move. I am sure I lost weight during this, and Fast horse and another of my friends kept coming by my cell to find out if I was going to be ok. Of course I told them that I was deathly sick, and I did just about die. Johnny on the other hand didn’t believe me. So he would come into the cell making noise, and causing trouble and saying some of the most ridiculous things. He just didn’t want to believe me that I was truly very sick, or he just wasn’t able to have compassion. One night he was telling me to stop faking being sick or whatever other nonsense he would say, when I got angry. I then proceeded to pray to JESUS to give Johnny this exact same kind of flu. Mind you, this was by far the worse flu I had ever had. Guess what, about two days later, Johnny now had the flu too! Now he was stuck in bed deathly sick. Now he couldn’t move much or eat either. Praise to JESUS for humbling Johnny a little bit too. J
Living with Johnny for around 10 months gave us a lot of time late at night to talk about different stories and experiences that we both had lived through in our lives. He told me about some of the terrible things he had done in prison when he was younger, and about how hard his life has been spending most of his adult life locked behind bars. On a few different occasions, I had brought up to him how willing JESUS would be to forgive his sins if he just repented. But as soon as I started mentioning JESUS and repentance, Johnny would start to scream out real loud like he was in terrible pain. This scared the you know what out of me. I had no idea what was happening to him. After about three minutes of terrible screaming, he would slowly calm down over the period of about ten minutes. He told me that he felt a terrible pain inside of him. 15 minutes had passed by and I proceeded to bring up JESUS and repentance to him again. Immediately he started screaming again. He was laying in his bed in terrible pain. I think this even happened a third time. I guess the evil spirits inside of Johnny didn’t want him to hear about JESUS or repentance, and they were causing him to be in some terrible pain each time I brought it up. Johnny knew I was hanging out in church a lot, in fact the entire prison knew because they saw me there all the time, but he just didn’t want to have JESUS in his life. During the ten months that we lived together, I did talk to him about the bible, and church and JESUS on many different occasions, but at that time in his life, he just wasn’t ready. Up to the point of his release day from prison, he still had not invited JESUS into his life.
It was now commissary day where all the men in the prison were allowed to wait in line to buy all of the different food items and clothing that we might be willing to purchase. I had the huge list of items that the two Mexican gang members wanted me to get for them to pay for my cell. The problem was, it was too much money to spend at one time. I wasn’t able to get everything they wanted per commissary spending rules, so I had to delete a few items from their list. Uh oh, I was in trouble now. One of the men whom I purchased the cell from wanted to beat me up real badly, but he was afraid of what the other Caucasian men would do in the prison. So, instead of him harming me, he went to the leader of his gang to complain about what I did. Now the leader of this specific Mexican gang had one of his officers summon me to his cell. I was sitting down talking with Fast horse when this man came up to me and told me that I needed to go see his leader in his cell. So obviously I was in a lot of trouble. I first went to my cell to put my shoes on, because I was wearing sandals at the time, and then he escorted me to the cell of his leader. Upon entering the gang leaders cell, he told me to sit down, and to explain to him why I didn’t get all of the items that were on my list. Praise JESUS, I explained to him that the commissary had a spending limit and that they cut me off until two weeks later when I would be allowed to spend money again. He believed me and told me that he would smooth everything over for two weeks and that there would be no trouble at all. He also warned me, that in two weeks from now to make sure I bought all of the items on the food list for his gang members. I told him I would for sure, and that I was sorry about the mix-up. Obviously two weeks later I quickly bought all of the missing items that they had ordered through me and got it to the men ASAP. Right after I gave the two men the last items that I owed them for the cell that I bought, JESUS had that trouble maker gang member shipped out almost immediately. This was something JESUS had done for me between 4-5 times with my enemies in prison. JESUS had them all quickly shipped out, one after another when different men in jail and prison tried to harm me or to cause trouble with me. The power of the LORD was really amazing to see. Each time a man tried to cause some trouble with me, I noticed that he was shipped out of our prison to another prison in no time at all. In some cases, even a few days later. If GOD is with us, who can be against us?
Eating dinner in the kitchen could be a little bit stressful from time to time. After all, there were hundred’s of other criminals all eating there too separated by nationality. Sorry is the man who sat down at the wrong location in the kitchen even on an accident. One time, one of my friends who had just entered the prison a few days earlier and didn’t know the kitchen rules yet, sat down at the tables where the Islander’s all sit, bad mistake! They seriously threatened him, and if I remember correctly, he came to me so we could pray for his safety. The LORD did protect him! That is when JESUS told me what to do. Any night where I felt a little bit of anxiety walking into the kitchen, HE told me to say ( The LORD is My Strength). Well I did this, and it was very powerful, and it is still VERY powerful today. As our cell block would walk along the concrete sidewalk heading up into the kitchen, I would start saying to myself, the LORD is my strength, the LORD is my strength. I noticed as soon as I would speak this to myself, I found that I immediately had much more courage inside of me. What a wonderful blessing it was to learn this Christian principal from JESUS himself!
The weather was getting better now, and a lot of the men were playing basketball during the day and night time out in the yard. Even though they played extremely rough, it still looked like fun. Every night after dinner now, a few of my friends and myself would play basketball against another group of men. Sometimes they won, and a lot of the time we won, but one of the Aryan Brotherhood members who was playing with us decided all of the sudden that he would try to hurt me. He threatened me a few times when we would be randomly passing each other in the hallways or wherever. That last time I saw him, he threatened me right after dinner out at the entrance to the basketball courts, this was the very last time I ever saw him. JESUS had him shipped out of the prison a very short time later.
One of my enemies from jail seven months earlier, who claimed to be a Christian, was also living in the prison I was in. In fact, he lived in my same cell block as I did. I always stayed out of his way, but he tried very hard to cause a lot of trouble for me. He went up to some of the African American leaders and proceeded to tell lies about me to them. Well, of course they believe him, now they were threatening me too. This same supposed Christian man, now went up to a few of the Indians in prison, and told them some similar lies about me too. Some of the Indian men came up to me and asked me if there was any truth to what they were hearing about me. I told them that everything they were hearing about me were all lies and that I had no idea why that person was trying to cause so much trouble for me. The Indian men seemed to believe me, and since everyone knew that Fast horse was my best friend, that problem went away thank GOD. The black members who were threatening me now, never did a single thing to me. I never heard a problem from them again, and they never said another word to me again. I guess JESUS in his incredible wisdom, was allowing these things to happen to me for all of his various reasons. That same above mentioned Christian man, who hated me from the time he saw me in jail over one year ago, still seemed to hate me now. Every time we played basketball together, he always made sure he was on the other team. Most of the time when we passed each other in the prison, he would often give me some evil looks. We both had some of the same friends, but he just hated me for whatever reasons he had. Far in the future, about one week before my release date, we were all in church together one night when I got the surprise of my life. A the very un expected thing happened next. That same man who had caused me all of the trouble in jail and prison, now walked up to the front of the church, and apologized to me in front of everyone! After apologizing to me, and saying a few nice things about me, he then walked right up to me and gave me a huge hug. I was in SHOCK. The power of JESUS is just amazing. JESUS can make our enemies love us, JESUS can have our enemies sit down with us and have dinner. JESUS can also ship out some enemies to other prisons in the blink of an eye. During all of my time in jail and prison, not a single person ever touched me. Over and over again, JESUS had protected me and blessed me and showed incredible favor to me in jail and prison.
Upon arriving in prison, and going to church for the three different services we had each week, a strange thing happened again. Well, the two nights during the week, there was no worship music for the men to sing to, before church started. JESUS knowing that I was a good musician, once again supernaturally led me to start putting together a worship band. The church had the equipment in the closet, and when we asked for permission to use it, the head Pastor said "yes, go ahead". The first thing I did was, to start practicing about 20 different Christian songs ranging from all different types of music. Once I had them all memorized I started to recruit other band members. What started out with just a few of us playing music before each church event, turned into a full band with about five men singing in the choir at the time that I was released from the prison one year later. Nobody had told me to put together a worship band, this was just JESUS once again supernaturally leading me down the road where he wanted me to be. When I arrived in prison, the men were singing without music, wow was that pure torture to listen to. I couldn’t handle listening to the men singing without any music, it was just too terrible to hear. JESUS really blessed us during that year with our music and worshiping of him. We would rehearse every Monday afternoon the five songs that we were going to perform a few hours later after dinner. Our rehearsals always went terrible. If it wasn’t our pride, it was our ego’s. if it wasn’t our ego’s getting in the way, then it was a whole bunch of other bad emotions causing us to argue and rebel during our rehearsals. I taught the men how to arrange the songs, and wrote beginnings and endings to all of the songs, but pride and arrogance always got in the way. But, on Monday night, the most amazing thing would happen week after week after week. No matter how bad our rehearsals would go, the HOLY SPIRIT would then supernaturally help us every Monday night to the point that our worship music would be performed actually quite well. That was a super natural miracle that GOD did for us over and over and over again. The Christian men who attended the Monday night services, had no idea whatsoever that just a few hours earlier, our band was arguing over the simplest of things. All the men heard on Monday nights, was some pretty darn good worship music somehow coming out of our instruments and voices. What a miracle that was.
I was giving piano lessons in the day time, and guitar lessons to some of the men at night. At the same time, I made sure to keep learning new Christians songs myself. I was probably the best guitarist in the entire prison, and when a lot of the men heard me playing once in a while, they kind of got a new respect for me. A lot of the different men wanted to play with me in the music rehearsals rooms which I gladly did from time to time.
To see our worship band grow and mature during that one year of being locked up in prison, was such a great blessing. All of the men in the prison no matter if they were Christian or Muslim, all knew how hard I was working for the church in a bunch of different areas. Many times when the Muslims would walk by me, they would comment on such things. Praise to JESUS! All of that incredibly hard work I had done on learning the guitar from ages 18-28, he now used for his glory in prison. From ages 15-28 all I ever wanted to be was a rock star. I had put in thousands of hours of practice on guitar and piano hoping that one day my own band would be able to get a recording contract. Praise JESUS that HE had other plans for me. And in prison, the men had music!
After I was released from prison as a free man, my friends wrote to me and told me that the church band and choir slowly fell apart. I fully trust that in no time at all, there will be a new man that JESUS would be bringing to the prison, who will have the anointing to put together another band and choir, so that JESUS will make sure that the men can worship him with music! After all of these years that have passed by since I was released from prison, I am continually writing letters to a few of my friends who are still living in prison. It is a great joy to pray for them every night.
At about the half way point of my one year stay in prison, I met a young man named Damian. He was Caucasian with long black hair, and he kind of hung out around me a little bit because he saw me playing guitar a few different times. Damian didn’t know how to play guitar at the time, so he was always interested to find out what was going on. He was also friends with my friend Kelly from jail, and both of them lived together next door to my cell block. As a few months went by, Damian and myself would walk past each other from time to time very briefly saying hello to one another. During one of these occasions, JESUS opened up a door for me to talk to Damian about eternity and salvation. Well, Damian wasn’t quite ready to accept JESUS into his life, in fact he went on to argue with me about how everything that I believed in was all false. he tried to explain to me that we evolved from animals, and that everything that exists was all a random chance event.
Damian would always walk real slowly by our church on Monday nights on his way out to the yard. GOD used music and guitar playing to pique Damian’s curiosity about what we were doing in church. One time, Damian and myself decided to meet outside at the yard by the weights to have a debate on all GODLY matters. I asked a friend of mine to join me and to help me to talk to Damian. During our one hour talk, everything went smoothly as we debated and answered all of Damian’s questions and points. He still wasn’t ready at that time to invite JESUS into his life, but he was very curious to hear our answers.
Only a week or two later, Damian and myself were walking out of the kitchen after dinner back to our cell blocks. We both would walk the same concrete path because our cell blocks were once again right next to each other. As we were exiting the kitchen, I had made a few Christian comments to him, but for some reason he got really angry at me. He started calling me names and went on yelling in front of all the other prisoners that I was a fake Christian. Uh oh, when he said that I also lost my temper. The guards were standing right there to make sure that a fight didn’t start, because we were screaming at each other as we continued our walk back to our cells. I went straight into my cell feeling terribly. The HOLY SPIRIT was showing me how wrong I was to act that way, and that I needed to apologize to Damian as fast as I could. I sat in my cell for one hour waiting for the next ten minute movement. At 7pm they sounded the loud horn which meant we had ten minutes to move now to the next location. I quickly exited my cell block and looked over at the front door of Damian’s cell block, low and behold, he was walking outside looking for me. We didn’t know it at the time, but we had both made a plan to walk outside to find each other to apologize. I told him I was really sorry for my part of the entire argument, and then Damian apologized me to for his half and we were friendly with each other again.
Damian and I started playing indoor tennis together on the indoor basketball courts. I was a little better then him at the time so I would always give him a few points to start out with to make the game fair. We always had a bet for each game, and here was the bet. If I won the game, Damian had to come to church and spend the hour in church with us, but if he won, he wanted me to buy him food from the commissary. Well, Damian NEVER won! Each loss found Damian in church that night or the next church night listening to the wonderful Christian worship music and the preaching from the volunteer staff members. I didn’t know it at the time, but JESUS was really moving in Damian’s heart. As we continued to play indoor tennis, and as Damian continued to lose game after game after game to me, JESUS was using this as an opportunity to get Damian into the church and to show Damian just how much HE loved him. We changed from playing indoor tennis to racquetball now on the outdoor courts. Praise JESUS, I was much better then Damian J Sure, I gave him a few points head start, but JESUS had a plan here in Damian’s life and I won ALLLLL of the games. During this time when we would bet on our indoor tennis games or racquetball games, some of the other Christians had come to me to complain about my methods of getting Damian involved in the church. They told me that betting with Damian was a terrible way of getting Damian to come to church, well JESUS disagreed and now Damian’s soul and spirit are saved for eternity in Paradise!
At the time I left prison as a free man, Damian still hadn’t give his life over to the LORD JESUS. After I was free, and living on my own for a few months, I received a letter from Damian. He was now writing to me from a different prison. I guess he was transferred to a prison much closer to his home state. I opened the letter and found myself in complete shock. Not only had Damian invited JESUS into his life, but he then went on for two entire pages thanking me over and over again for all that I did for him in prison. I didn’t do it, JESUS just used me as a vessel to bring Damian into his loving arms. Damian continued in the letter to tell me how he was reading the bible now, and how he was praying all the time. Even though he was temporarily located in a terrible jail, waiting to be transferred to his next prison, he expressed to me the joy and hope and happiness he was now feeling inside of him. This was the best letter I had ever received in my entire life. Even almost ten years later, I still think about all of times I was with Damian in prison and the beautiful letter that he wrote to me after he accepted JESUS into his heart and soul. Right now Damian is still locked up in prison, but he is walking with JESUS and the LORD is even using Damian to talk to other men in the prison about HIM.
It was at about the time that I had met Damian, when I found myself one day walking from the yard, back to my cell block. It was a seven minute walk from the yard back to the cell blocks, and that is if you walked quickly. When I was about half way back to my cell clock and just before I entered the guard shack where they searched us for weapons, JESUS caught my attention. He said to me something like, are you happy? I started to investigate myself, or what I mean is, I took a good look at how I was feeling. I searched myself inside and out, and I couldn’t believe it. For the very first time in my life, I was actually happy that day. Even though I was locked up in prison, even though I was to lose two years of my life behind bars, and even though there was always a sense of danger in prison at all times, I was actually happy that day. Am I not saying that I was happy every day in prison, NO WAY! The days in prison experiencing happiness were few and very far between, but that day I was happy, and my LORD and my GOD wanted to point that out to me, that I did feel happy inside today. After all of the years of living on this cold, dark earth in complete emotional torture and pure misery, how funny it was to have my very first day of happiness while living in prison, praise JESUS!
I met Kelly upon first arriving in jail. He was around my age, and since he was Caucasian too, we ended up hanging out from time to time. In GOD’S sovereignty, GOD not only had Kelly and myself in the same jail, but now we were both in the same prison and living right next door to each other. When Kelly came into the prison, he got himself into a little trouble with some of the other inmates. This is when a couple of the popular Christian men offered to help him out. GOD used these Christian men to protect Kelly and to keep him safe from some of the other inmates. At the beginning, Kelly always joined us in church for all of the events, but as time went by, he slowly fell away. Bobby and myself, and even others talked to Kelly on a regular basis about coming back to JESUS, and about surrendering himself to JESUS and the love of GOD, but Kelly just wasn’t able to do this. Kelly was a pretty good guitar player too, which is why we hung out quite often. Kelly was also one of my friends who usually played basketball on my team each night and lifted weights with us out in the yard at nighttime. Kelly fell farther and farther away from our church events as the year passed by. About one week before I was going to be released, I asked Kelly to meet me upstairs on the indoor track. I also invited a friend of mine to join us and to help me talk to Kelly one last time about JESUS. All three of us slowly walked around the track for the entire hour, as we patiently and kindly talked to Kelly about salvation, JESUS, the LORD’S love and many other topics. Unfortunately, he just didn’t want to invite JESUS into his life or have a serious relationship with JESUS. At the time of my release from prison, Kelly still had about two more years to go until he would be free. As the years passed by one after another, I stopped getting letters from Kelly. After about four years, I happened to check the internet looking for Kelly. I found out that he had died! He overdosed on drugs and went into a coma. He was rushed to the hospital where he died a short time later.
After dinner one night, I was watching TV in the public cell block area. This was an open area in the middle of all of our cells where the men could hang out together playing cards, watching TV, or even just talking to one another. I had to use the bathroom, now in prison, when you use the bathroom, most people usually turn off the light in their cell and put up a piece of cardboard to block the small window that was built in to the huge iron door. I turned off the lights, put up the cardboard, and this is when JESUS personally taught me something else that is really cool. He told me then in the dark to dedicate all of my bathroom time to HIM. Or in other words, he wanted me to dedicate all of the time that I would be spending in my bathroom for him and him only. That was awesome when he taught me this. I have been using all of my bathroom time for the LORD during all of the years of being free going back to that night in prison when I learned this from HIM. I have shared this story and the technique of using all of our bathroom time for JESUS with many, many, many people throughout the years, encouraging many others to do the same. To dedicate all of their time in the bathroom each day and night for JESUS.
One day, about three months before my release, I was sitting down watching TV in the main public area of our cell block. I noticed that there was a brand new prisoner sitting right next to me. I had never seen him before up to this time. JESUS told me to say hello to him, so I did. He was what we called a short timer, which meant that he only had a short time to go in prison until his release date. He was of Middle Eastern descent even though the Black men in our cell block tried to force him to hang out with them. He wore these nerdy glasses and he always had a smile on his face. I found out that his name was Amir, and to my surprise, I also noticed by talking to him that he had a huge curiosity about JESUS. Well Amir found himself talking to the right man. I talked to him about many different aspects of JESUS, and explained to him about our hope of living in heaven for eternity. Amir drank all of this Christian information in. He accepted my invitation to join us in church, and we welcomed him into our church right away. Johnny was released now, and the cell block administrator came to my cell and told me that I could stay in the cell alone for a few days, but that he wanted to know whom I would have moving into my cell in three days or less. I am sure that JESUS wanted Amir to move into my cell, but because the black men thought he was black, I decided to run this idea past Fast Horse who was an expert on prison politics. After all, Fast horse spent decades in prison locked up behind bars. Fast Horse went on to tell me that there should be NO problem at all. I then proceeded to talk to Amir about moving into my cell, and he was all for it enthusiastically.
Even though Johnny had been released one week earlier, and he was now living at the halfway house, a brand new problem arose from him. Johnny, before he left prison, had promised his bed to one of his friends. Now, in prison rules, that is un heard of to do. The man leaving prison has no rights to the cell, but the man staying behind in the cell, he now owns the entire cell. So when we found out what Johnny had done, I just couldn’t believe it. We had two different problems to deal with. First, the Black men didn’t want Amir to live with me, even though he wasn’t black haha, but now one of Johnny’s gang members wanted to move in per Johnny’s permission. While Amir took the brunt of trouble from the black men, I decided to go talk to the Mexican man who wanted to move into my cell. It just so happened, we knew each other from jail. We were able to work it all out, and he agreed that Johnny had no right to promise him the bed.
Amir moved into my cell a few days later, even though he was getting some threats from a few of the other men. For those of you reading this, besides the born again Christian men in the prison systems, the prisoners are completely walking with Satan and racism is rampant in the jails and prisons of the USA.
One of my friends in the cell block where I was living, allowed me to borrow his acoustic guitar for a few days. Ill never forget what happened next. It was about 3pm in the afternoon, and we were all locked down in our cells. Amir was sitting up on the edge of his bed listening to me, while I was playing and singing a few different Christian songs. He started to sing a little with me, I say a little because he didn’t know the words that well, and right in the middle of our playing, he started speaking in tongues. What a scene to see. Amir speaking in tongues real loudly while I was playing and singing Christian music locked up in our cell together.. My time was really winding down now, and my release date was just a few weeks away at this point. Up to this time, Amir kept coming to our church events and he did speak in tongues in the middle of our church congregation on a few different occasions. I would be leaving the prison in a week or two later, so Amir and myself decided that we wouldn’t keep in touch. The last week or two up to my release, Amir started to act a little funny. He probably realized that I would be leaving soon, and that he would be stuck in this prison for a few more months. This probably caused him to get sad and depressed. Because of the fact that he was acting slightly funny now, I didn’t push him to get his personal contact information so as to keep in touch after our release. I found out later that Amir was taken to the hospital because of a serious stomach problem. That is the last I ever heard about him.
One night again, while in my cell using the bathroom, I was feeling like my spirit was on fire for JESUS. This was wonderful, but what happened next wasn’t so wonderful. Because I felt so powerful in the LORD, and because I was a brand new Christian, I then made a bad mistake. I asked JESUS to allow me to enter the spiritual war with Satan. I went on telling the LORD how ready I was, and how I wanted to battle Satan, and how I knew that I could win in this spiritual battle. What happened next was absolutely incredible. Upon asking JESUS to allow me to battle Satan, I immediately started to get very depressed, and extremely sad. I started focusing on my life, and how I had lost two years of it behind bars. I start thinking about how on earth would I be able to make a living when I got out of prison, and who would possibly want to hire me. This was a terrible 2-3 day period for me. In fact, it got so bad, that I found myself curled up in my bed not even being able to get out of it. On the second or third day of living in complete hell and suffering emotionally and spiritually speaking, I cried out to JESUS for help. I was curled up in my bed with terrible amounts of worry and depression racking my brain. Out of nowhere I decided to ask JESUS for help. THE SECOND I ASKED JESUS FOR HELP, he set me free from the demons who were attacking me. Literally only five seconds after asking JESUS for help, I rose up in my bed, hopped down to the floor, and got ready to leave my cell and to continue with the powerful Christian routines that I had been doing up to that time. Wow, what an awesome GOD we serve, and what a powerful lesson that was. I now learned that I had no power over Satan, but it was JESUS in me where the power over Satan lies in. I decided I better start asking JESUS for much more GODLY or biblical type prayers in the future.
It was during this same time, a month or two before my release date that my friend Matthew came into church sharing with us some bad news. Matthew was a short African American man usually with a big stomach. Haha, I guess Matthew loved that prison food J. while living in prison, Matthew was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease, that is cancer of the Lymph nodes. Something came upon me real strongly then. JESUS put a huge amount of love inside of me for Matthew right then and right there. I called all of the men who were in church that night to come around Matthew and lay hands on him. Most of the men came over right away to lay hands on Matthew as I prayed for him. I say most of the men, because there were a few men who knew that Matthew from time to time would have a porn magazine in his cell, and I guess they were being judgmental of him. With about 15 men all laying hands all over Matthew’s body, I prayed out loud a powerful prayer of healing. We all agreed and then the prison bell sounded which meant we had ten minutes to walk from church back to our cell blocks. Right before I was released from prison, Matthew came into church and told us that he was completely healed, praise JESUS! After my release from prison, I continued to write letters to Matthew for about one year, then he was released and able to go back home to his wife who had been waiting for him all of these years.
Here was another tough lesson that the LORD had taught me himself. Walking back to my cell block one day, and right before I was to enter the guard shack to be searched for weapons, that is when I did something spiritually foolish. I had said to JESUS that I wasn’t going to pray for myself for a one week period. I went on to tell him that I just wanted to pray for family and friends, and that I felt kind of selfish praying for myself a lot. Well, I cant even begin to tell you how bad that week was for me. Each day of the week, I had said to myself, hey, things are going really badly for me, what’s going on here? The one week period ended and wow was it a terrible week for me. Nothing bad happened to me, but spiritually and especially emotionally, I was a complete wreck again. The LORD JESUS clearly taught me that he very much wants us to pray for ourselves all the time without ceasing. Yes he does want us to pray for family and friends and other loved one’s, but he definitely wants us to pray for ourselves as much as we can each day and night.
Just like with Kelly, I had met David back in jail too. Once again, in GODS’S sovereignty, JESUS had David and myself assigned to the same prison. He was also assigned to my same cell block which meant that we saw each other all the time. JESUS, once again, used guitar playing to peak the interest of another man. David was a totally beginner guitar player when I first arrived at the prison. He found out that I could play pretty well, and this was reason enough for us to hang out together all the time. I would give him a lot of guitar lessons, and David was a very fast learner. At the end of the year upon my release, David was actually a pretty decent guitar player by that time. David also was usually on my team when we played basketball against the other men. Because of basketball, and guitar playing, we were able to form a little friendship during my stay in prison. I say during my stay, because David had to do about five years of prison time longer them myself. David was Caucasian like myself, with a real slinky but strong body. He had short light brown hair, and he usually kept himself in great shape. I invited David to come to church on a semi regular basis, but he always really politely said no. I often times tried to get him to play some Christian music on his guitar, but he really wanted to learn Rock & Roll from me. I talked to him on a few different occasions about JESUS, but he just wasn’t quite interested enough yet. Towards the end of my one year stay in prison, I found myself inviting David again to come into church. This time he said, well, ummm, im not sure. He didn’t show up this time, but I wasn’t going to give up yet. A few more weeks passed by, and because I was going to be released shortly, I decided to ask David again to come and hang out with us in church tonight. This time he said yes! David sat close to the stage where our band played the worship music, and he did stay the entire hour. I noticed he had a serious look on his face the entire time. I believe that the HOLY SPIRIT was really working on David at this time, and David probably felt a little uncomfortable. The next week, as far as I can remember, David showed up again at church. And this went on for about four weeks in a row until the time of my release. Right before I was released from prison, David came up to me and told me that he had given his life over to JESUS. Wow, what a great feeling that was. I knew I had only 1-2 weeks to go until I would be leaving the prison, so I helped David to get a bible, and I talked to him about many different things having to do with JESUS, faith, sins, and heaven. After I left, I did write David on a regular basis over the next 4-5 years while he was still doing time behind bars. In my letters I always tried to get the topics to JESUS the very best I could, but when David would write me back, he rarely if ever mentioned JESUS or the bible. Upon David being released from prison, I never heard from him again.
JESUS super blessed me by getting the book (practicing the presence of GOD) into my hands. Another Christian brother named Jay found the book in the library, and praise GOD, Jay thought of me and brought the book to me. I just loved reading that book, and JESUS used that book to turn my entire life around. Upon reading the book, I actually started practicing the presence of GOD. Laying in my bed each afternoon waiting for the guards to count all the inmates in our cells, I would envision JESUS always sitting up in my bed with me. This really started to change my relationship with JESUS. Everywhere I went, I started practicing keeping JESUS right by my side. Because I was a brand new Christian, I didn’t yet have the ability to keep JESUS by my side like I am able to tonight, but in prison just practicing this, I found it was wonderful to have JESUS with me everywhere I went. Since then, I’ve gone on to teach literally thousands of men and women how to practice the presence of GOD too. What an incredible blessing it is to share this wonderful news with my brother’s and sisters’s that they actually can keep JESUS with them at all times no matter where they go or what they are doing.
I met a German Christian Brother in prison the very first week upon my arrival. We were both sitting in the Christian movie room, watching a movie about King David I think. He had orange sandy hair with freckles on his face. Jay was born again many years earlier, but I guess he got hooked on drugs. He couldn’t support his drug habit, so he decided to rob a bank at gunpoint, which was an automatic five year sentence or more. He was now trying to re dedicate his life to JESUS again, which was wonderful. At that time, he had much more bible knowledge then me, and was able to give somewhat good advice to me on a regular basis during my one year in prison. Jay was a musician, and in fact he had a wonderful voice. Jay also loved to write original Christian music. I found out that his songs were actually pretty good. He also could be very outspoken and quite hard to deal with too. One day, the LORD JESUS did a supernatural miracle for Jay and myself. We were sitting outside together with the sun shining on us and a bible in our hand. We asked GOD to give us some specific special messages for us. Well, JESUS did! I closed my eyes, thumbed through the bible really fast, and stopped quickly with my finger on a verse. I went on to read the verse to Jay, and then Jay would do the same. With his eyes closed, he thumbed through the bible and stopped and read exactly what his finger was on. If I remember correctly, we each did this four times. With my eyes closed thumbing through the bible four different times, JESUS painted a wonderful picture and story to Jay and myself. The LORD’S special message here for both of us was to stop worrying about money when we get out of prison, and that the LORD wouldn’t let us down and to put our faith in him. To let the anxiety go about what job we would get or how we would make a living. This was a wonderful miracle that JESUS did for me being a brand new Christian. When I was forming our brand new worship band and choir, I immediately thought of Jay to be one of our lead singers. I guess Jay had other plans though. Jay loved playing the piano, and even though we needed a piano player in our band, the problem was, Jay was still a beginner on piano. I met Jay approximately two times a week in the music room to give him lessons, but the learning was very slow. Jay had a lot of trouble paying attention to what our band was performing or rehearsing which bothered me a lot, because I had a patience problem, or you might say that I had no patience upon entering prison. During our one year together in prison, we had a few arguments always over music and usually during our rehearsals. The LORD once again taught us soooo many different lessons together about patience and humbleness among many others during our one year of playing music together.
Jay loved JESUS very much, and he was always willing to help out the Christian brother’s in anyway that he could. Jay was always in church with us, he rarely if ever missed a church night. During the one year of piano lessons, he was slowly making progress and our band was sounding better and better. Sometimes Jay would give me some words of wisdom or encouragement, and many times I did the same for him. We had a good friendship for that one year that we spent together in prison. When I was released from prison, Jay still had about one more year to go. We constantly wrote each other letters and kept in touch the best that we could. When Jay was released from prison, and after he was also released from his Half Way house, we kept in touch on the telephone on a regular basis. From the time I was released from prison, to one year later when Jay was released, I had grown tremendously in the LORD. So when Jay and myself started talking again on the phone, he could barely recognize me. He complimented me all the time on the spiritual growth that JESUS was doing in me, and I prayed for him and encouraged him on a regular basis too. This isn’t to say that Jay never prayed for me, Jay prayed for myself and actually both of us all the time on the telephone, and he shared with me some wonderful words of wisdom. But when Jay was released from prison, I found that he was focusing too much on worldly things like fixing his credit, or making money, or girls, or sex, and all of the other worldly topics too. After his release, we talked on the phone on a semi regular basis for three years. Slowly so slowly he was getting into more and more trouble, and our friendship was going down the drain too. There was a two year period where we didn’t talk at all. I guess the LORD was working on us and some of the darkness inside of us was making it difficult to keep up a friendship. Very recently, we just started talking via the email again, praise GOD.
It was late afternoon again, right when the guards would do a head count. So all of the inmates were locked in their cells while we waited for the guards to walk by counting us prisons one at a time. I was practicing having JESUS set next to me in my bed, when out of nowhere, I asked JESUS to show me all that was wrong with me. Uh oh, bad mistake! For the next 30 seconds image after image, and thought after thought passed through my mind at an incredible rate. The HOLY SPIRIT was now showing me all that was wrong with me, spiritually, emotionally and in every other way possible. After the thoughts and images ended, I immediately went into a bad depression. I was feeling so much better now that I was with JESUS, I foolishly thought that my entire life was healed. Of course I was a brand new Christian, and this is how some brand new Christians think, but oh how I was wrong. After seeing first hand all that was still wrong with me in my life, I felt really sad and depressed. This valley experience lasted about 3-4 weeks. Some of the Christian brothers would ask me from time to time, what is wrong with you Garrett? But I never answered them. What a humbling experience it is to learn from GOD first hand all that is wrong with you. Wow what an experience that was to go through.
From the moment that Fast horse and myself starting talking, I knew that we would be good friends. He was a great listening and during the one year that we lived together in prison, JESUS had spoken through him on soooooo many occasions. Fast horse worked a 8-4am job Monday through Friday, so we usually found ourselves hanging out together before dinner in our cell block, then from 9pm to 11:30 until the time that the prison forced us back to our cells for lock downs. Fast horse told me the story of how JESUS had called him to be born again and saved, but Fast horse refused the HOLY SPIRIT. During our year together, there wasn’t much use of asking Fast horse to accept JESUS into his life, or for him to repent his sins to JESUS, but that didn’t stop me from trying. I invited him to come to church to watch our band play, but he never showed up once. I thought that I would ask him to just come and hear our music, then he could leave, but he was very wise and knew exactly what I was trying to do. Fast horse was in his 50’s, so of course he has incredible worldly wisdom. All of the other American Indian men in the prison, would all look up to him, and he was an incredible basketball player. He only played basketball with me one time, but everyone was shocked about how good he was. Think about this, except for the times when either of us might be sick, we talked every single night for over two hours. We talked about almost every single subject imaginable, but as the months went by, and I proceeded to get closer and closer to JESUS, our talks then took on a whole different meaning. The last six months of my stay in prison, most of our talks would always be on spiritual topics. It was soooooo easy to know when Fast horse was talking, or when it was JESUS talking through him. I am not saying that JESUS spoke through him every single night, but on a weekly basis, JESUS got many, many messages to me by speaking through Fast horse’s mouth. Night after night, week after week, and month after month we hung out together. He told me so many different stories ranging from his child hood all the way up to being a grown man and living in the penitentiaries. I shared with me a lot of his grisly prison stories, which were not too pleasant to hear. Fast horse was a very evil man, and he could snap on one of the inmates in a single second. But to me, GOD showed amazing grace in our friendship. Only one single time did Fast horse get angry at me, and that was my fault. He told me over and over again during the one year we were friends, that he could leave the prison anytime he wanted to. I didn’t know what he meant. Upon hearing him tell me this, I was always confused about how could he possibly get out of prison. I wondered if maybe he was going to be released soon, or maybe his attorney had called him and told him that he would be released at any time. During our year together being friends, Fast horse told me that he wouldn’t leave until he made sure I got safely out of prison. I asked him many times about this, but he never told me what he really meant. He just kept saying, I could leave the prison now, but I wont leave until I make sure that you safely get out of here first. I never understood what he meant. After one year of having deep conversations and building up our friendship nightly, now my time was really winding down. The last few weeks before my release, Fast horse too started acting slightly funny. I guess he was starting to get sad that I would be leaving soon. I think I asked him a few times during my last two weeks for his contact info, so I could keep writing him letters, but each time I asked him, he side tracked the topic and changed it. The night before my release, we hung out together in the TV room. He didn’t ask me for my contact info and I decided not to ask him either. The two hours went by fast as we watched TV together. It was now 11pm at night, and I knew we had only thirty more minutes before lock down. I stayed with my first decision and I didn’t ask him for his contact info. At 11:30pm, we shook hands and gave each other a hug as we said goodbye. knowing that at 6am in the morning I would be leaving the prison, I was very excited to be leaving, and sad at the same time. After my release from prison, and once I got into my own apartment, I checked the internet to get his contact information, but I couldn’t find it. Then a few months later, I received a letter from one of my other Christian Brothers in prison. I opened up the letter only to find some of the saddest news I had ever heard. The letter went on to explain how after I left, Fast horse had attacked a female prison administrator. After harming her, he then grabbed some pens that were on her desk and stabbed himself in the neck, killing himself Fast horse was NOT with JESUS. I miss his friendship a lot, and how I wish I had just one more chance to talk to him about JESUS.
JESUS used me this entire year to pray to give his Christian men music, and to lead the worship and to preach to them. There were many, many men not mentioned above that I had interacted with during this year. What a great blessing it was to be used by GOD in this way to help others. I really appreciated it, and I still do today after all of these years. JESUS also used men to bless me, and to teach me a few Christian principals and to teach me many other things about myself too.
STARTING A NEW LIFE WITH THE GOD OF SECOND CHANCES - JESUS
I woke up at 6am feeling a lot of excitement knowing that I would be free in just an hour or two. I packed up my stuff and quietly walked out of the cell block where I had just spent the last year of my life. Most of the men were asleep, and as I went outside, ready to make the long one block walk to the administration offices for my release, low and behold there was Kelly all by himself outside. Kelly was a cook in the kitchen, so he must have been going to work to help prepare breakfast. Praise JESUS I was able to say one last goodbye to Kelly.
My Brother living in Las Vegas had sent ahead some of my personal clothing into the prison along with a great pair of running shoes. Wow what a blessing it was when the female administrator handed me my personal clothing. I quickly got changed into my own personal clothes, this being the first time in two years where I looked somewhat normal, and wow what a blessing it was to put on my expensive pair of running shoes. Another prisoner who had a very low level of security clearance from the prison camp next door, drove me to the airport. I now knew how it must feel for a Male Lion to be locked up in a cage. After living behind bars for two years I cant even begin to explain how strange and awkward it felt to be in a car driving down the street towards the airport. Two years had passed by and the world doesn’t stand still for us prisoners who are behind bars.
Upon entering the airport to catch my flight to Los Angeles, I quickly noticed that the price of fast food had gone up considerably. The plane landed after a very short flight, and there was my Dad standing in the arrival area waiting for me. My Dad gave me a big hug and we drove really slow towards the Half Way House which was located in the mountain overlooking Down Town Los Angeles where I had to do the last two months of my sentencing. The Half Way House is where inmates go after their prison time is done. They go there to get a job, to save up money for an apartment, and also for a little more close monitoring of the inmate. On the way to the Half Way House, my Dad was kind enough to stop at a fast food restaurant. Hmmmm, after eating jail and prison food for two years, I cant even explain to you how great of a blessing it was to get a real hamburger and french fries, WOW, PRAISE JESUS
I was now checked into the Half Way House, and was told that until I find a job, I would have to live in one room with 5 other men. Arghhh oh well, only 60 days to go now and I would be living in my own apartment. I decided that I would find a job immediately, and then I would be moved into one of the dorms with two other men. I chose to Tele-market for a carpet cleaning company where GOD really blessed me with success. I did quite well at the job during the two months that I worked there. I did well enough, to where I was able to pay for my entire stay at the Half Way House, and to have a tiny financial head start with my new life.
The Half Way House administrator told me that I had to go to mandatory counseling, so of course I went. The first week I went to talk to the counselor, I kept mentioning how JESUS had done this for me and that and this and that. Well, I don’t think he liked that too much, because after doing the exact same thing on our second visit, he told the Half Way House that I didn’t need counseling any longer praise JESUS
About two weeks before I was going to be released from the Half Way House, a good friend of the family came by to pick me up for dinner. Praise GOD, he took me to a very expensive Steak House in Pasadena, California. That was a great dinner we both had! He then took me to Circuit City and bought me a brand new computer with a 17" monitor. Little did Lou or myself know, but I was going to use this computer to preach to thousands upon thousands of people in just a short while from now.
The 60 days had passed by, and it was not time for me to live on my own. My Sister Julie gave me 2000 dollars to pay for my new apartment, and to buy a bed. My Dad and myself found a very small and inexpensive apartment about three blocks from where my Dad was living in Long Beach, California. Now that I was free, I knew that I had to quickly find a job. So I went back to what I knew how to do best at the time, Telemarketing. I was hired Telemarketing for the Law Enforcement in Long Beach, but that job didn’t last long. I was doing very well there, and I think one of the other male employees was jealous of me. One night for no reason at all, he tried to start a fight with me. Well he didn’t know that I was on probation, and if I was to get into a fight, I could get into very serious trouble with my probation officer, so of course I backed down and kept basically quiet. I quit that job and was hired quickly to Tele-market for a Real Estate office. They had a beautiful office upstairs where all of the employees would call people nationwide asking them if they would re finance their houses. Once again, JESUS super blessed me, I was always in the top three of sales just about every week, quite often being number one. I was taking the bus to work each day and of course catching the bus each night to come back home. I was using all of this bus time for JESUS, either worshiping him or praising him with my Christian music on my radio.
While working for the Mortgage Company I was giving JESUS all the credit for each and ever sale I got. After every single success on the phone, I then took a 5 minute break to go into the bathroom alone where I just thanked JESUS over and over again.
About three months before I was let out of prison, I had already started praying for a job and a car, and of course a Christian wife. After work at about 9pm at night, I many times walked to the bus stop in the poring rain. I felt a little depressed that my ex wife was rewarded our sport car, but this was a great lesson to go through as I fought back tears while standing in the rain waiting for the bus to show up.
JESUS was about to super bless me again, like he had done oh say 1000 times in the last two years. It was a Friday or Saturday night, and my Dad picked me up to have dinner with him at our favorite diner. During our dinner, everything went perfectly normal as far as our conversation was concerned. We talked about my work, and how I was feeling, and about my Dad too and his life. When we were done eating, my Dad said to me, why don’t we go by the car dealership and see if we can get you a car. I said UMMMMMMMMM ok!!!!!!!!!!! sure lets go!
We drove to the Ford dealership and they just so happened to have a brand new Red Ford Focus on sale! My Dad asked me if I thought I could afford the payments, and I told him that I am sure that I could, so my Dad put the car in his name to get better financing for me. Praise JESUS I was able to drive back home in a brand new car. The LORD had restored to my life a car to drive, replacing the one that was taken away from me.
At about the same time my Dad bought me that new car, I decided to ask JESUS for another blessing. I was in my new apartment one night, and presence of the LORD was just everywhere. In my mind, in my heart, in my soul, and in my apartment too. I wanted to write Christian music now, original Christian music, but I had no money and I had no credit either. I called my Brother on the phone and proceeded to tell him that I was thinking of asking Dad to buy me a brand new really expensive keyboard. My Brother said lets pray about it, so that is what we did. We prayed on the phone to JESUS for help, and then I walked over to my Dad’s house to have a talk with him. I had called my Dad on the phone and told him that I wanted to walk on over and ask him something, so he said sure, come on by. We both sad down in his Condo and I went ahead and explained how the brand new keyboards have built in mixers and computers in them, where I could play and record all of my music in its entirety all with the one keyboard. He thought it was amazing that the keyboards could do this now or that they had this technology inside of them. Then I asked him. I said Dad, could you please finance one of these keyboards for me at Guitar Center? HE SAID YES! We went out the next day to Guitar Center to purchase the 2000,00 dollar synthesizer. Thank you JESUS for blessing us over and over and over again.
I was praying every day now for JESUS to give me some original songs, and he NEVER failed me once. Over and over again, JESUS supernaturally gave me some of the most beautiful song I have ever heard. One of the ways he would give me a new song would be that I would simply put both of my hands on the keyboard, and allow JESUS to move them to the notes or chords that he wanted to. When that happened, it was like my mind was in a dream. I didn’t think about notes or where to move my hands, JESUS moved them himself. That was an incredible site to see. JESUS supernaturally gave me about 5 songs this way. Another way that he would write through me would be like this. I would sit down at the keyboard, and start moving my right hand and left hand myself, working on a new song with a little bit of human effort, while JESUS did all the rest. Or to put it another way, I would humanly speaking, try to write a new song with about a 30 percent effort, while I allowed JESUS to write the other 70 percent. Another time, I had just sat down at the keyboard barely even turning it on yet, when JESUS then proceeded to write a song through me in about two minutes. And this wasn’t just a song, it might be the best song he ever gave me. I quickly learned, the less I tried to write a new song, the more it allowed JESUS to write it. I found that if I tried really hard to write song, the LORD would allow me too, but it was always a struggle that way. So I had to learn through his miracles to take myself out of the song writing as much as possible allowing JESUS to take over as much as possible. It was just amazing to see how the LORD would write songs through my fingers. And not just songs, but songs as good as anything else that I ever heard on the radio.
JESUS didn’t write just songs through me, he also gave me lyrics supernaturally too. One day I was in front of the keyboard when I saw a pad of paper right next to it. I grabbed the entire pad of paper and a pen, and what happened next was just incredible! JESUS then wrote an entire song through my right hand in about sixty seconds. My right hand was writing sentence after sentence after sentence non stop, until the entire song was just about done. Wow I wish I had that on film, I would of loved to have watched that again.
One day, many years ago, I was in the shower, when out of nowhere, in the blink of an eye, JESUS did it again! In the span of about 5 minutes, JESUS gave me an entire song. Not on Keyboard of course, this one he gave for me to sing with the lyrics and melody. I rushed out of the shower, and ran over to my keyboard as fast as I could get dressed. I now had another miracle from GOD. I had the lyrics and melody supernaturally given to me, but I needed the music. I felt a little nervous about getting the music now, and I didn’t know if I should try to write it, or once again have JESUS supernaturally move my fingers. Well with the LORD, he never fails. He proceeded to give me the all of the music I would need for the song in a very, very short amount of time. Wow, JESUS gave me an entire song with the words, melody and music in a blink of an eye. I still sing this song to JESUS all the time in the shower and after writing this tonight, I think I will go take a shower and sing it to him right now!
Nobody has ever heard my music but THE LORD! At first I did have some dreams about recording my music and allowing other people to hear it, or maybe even putting it on the internet, but JESUS had other plans for me. At the very beginning of my music ministry, I even had dreams and goals about selling my songs on the internet for money, but praise JESUS he stopped me from doing that. I would never ever want to charge a fee for anything that the LORD JESUS has given to me for free. It did take a year or two for JESUS to teach me this, but praise GOD that he did. All Christian music I feel should be completely for free! After all of the years that have passed by up to now, still nobody but JESUS has ever heard my music, and as time goes by, i'm starting to like that idea more and more.
Because of a lot of the incredible miracles that JESUS had done for me while writing music, and also because of all of the lessons he had taught me about letting the LORD write more, and the human musician writing less, JESUS then sent many Christian musicians to me to teach and preach to. Throughout the years as the HOLY SPIRIT has brought musician after musician to me to speak to, I always shared with them everything that the LORD had taught me, and I passed on to them all of the GODLY wisdom that JESUS had given to me through my own incredible experiences. Up to this point in my life, I have had many, many conversations with young Christian musicians trying to share my knowledge and wisdom with them, the very best that I could.
Music has always been a huge part of my life, even from the age of 13, all the way to tonight, no matter what I do or where I go, I usually have music on. Even though JESUS was writing some of the most beautiful songs through me, and what an incredible feeling it was to have him do that, it was only a short time later when I was to put writing Christian music off to the side, because JESUS was going to show me that there was something much more important for me to do for him. Learning to hear the LORD clearly, and pushing all of the music writing off to the side did take a few years for me to completely obey him. After the LORD had pushed my music ministry off to the side, I still many different times tried to get it going again, but it always failed. One time I owned an entire Midi Studio in my apartment, JESUS didn’t tell me to spend thousands of dollars on this studio, ummmm I bought it all without even asking him. I worked really hard to get all of the money and to purchase all of the equipment one piece at a time. But when the studio was done, there was something very, very wrong. The HOLY SPIRIT just wasn’t helping me at all. There seemed to be a wall up now where I just wasn’t able to write anything, and in fact I didn’t even want to work on music. The anointing to work on music and to write music was completely gone now. Instead of that beautiful anointing that the LORD had given me for music, now I could honestly say that it was the exact opposite feeling. As a few weeks went by and I would sit there with all of my wonderful studio equipment, I felt dread in me each time that I even thought about recording any music. At this exact same time, my friends in Africa needed someone to sponsor a huge Christian concert there. The Concert was held in Nigeria and my Pastor friend who lived there would be one of the main speakers. So I told him sure! Ill send the money as soon as JESUS helps me to sell all of my equipment. I placed the entire studio for sale on the internet one piece at a time, and boy did the phone start ringing. JESUS sold my equipment really fast, and I was able to send my friend the money right on time, just one week before the concert was scheduled to start.
I guess sometimes I could be a little slow, what I mean is, even one year later I tried to buy a few pieces of equipment again, but the LORD just wasn’t with me anymore as far as the music was concerned. This time, I sold the equipment and took a huge financial loss, that was a hard lesson to learn. I will always be a musician for the LORD, and I am sure I will always love music, but I guess we have to put aside our selfish ambitions and learn to shoulder our cross daily.
A few weeks before I was let out of prison, I had already started to pray to JESUS to help me find a wonderful church to go to when I was finally free. On the second or third day that I was working Tele-marketing for the mortgage company, one of the women on her break happened to be talking to another woman right in front of me. She was talking so loud I couldn’t help but to hear her mention what a wonderful church that she had found. Well JESUS told me to enter that conversation, and the lady my co worker quickly invited me to go to her church too. I told her that I didn’t have a car yet, but she said that was no problem at all, and that she would make a few phone calls guaranteeing me she would definitely get someone to pick me up. Well she did make a phone call, and one of the church families was more then happy to pick me up each week for church.
The tiny little church was truly on fire for GOD. This was a Pentecostal church and during the worship sessions, there would be people crying with tears, men and women running around the church barefoot, people jumping up and down, and just about everything else you could possibly imagine. I had only been to church one other time besides prison, so I had no idea what to expect. What a huge blessing it was to be a brand new member of this church, because I also loved the LORD and during the worship sessions, the presence of JESUS was sooooo powerful. We saw many miracles of healing at that little church, and I really loved to go there each week, but then something happened. A few of their church doctrines started to bother me, and at the same time, I started to feel uncomfortable going there. I noticed that when I missed a few weeks of their church attendance, the family who was giving me a ride in their van to church each week, started to act differently towards me. Well that hurt my feelings, and now I didn’t feel comfortable going to that tiny Pentecostal church any longer, that is when I quit going there.
LEARNING WHAT IT MEANS TO WORSHIP JESUS!
Praise JESUS for my brand new car! I now wanted to find a new job where I could make a living driving. Tele-marketing is such a demanding and hard job to do, that I quickly started looking for a job as a Courier. Before I quit my Tele-marketing job though, I wanted to ask JESUS first, if this is the right thing to do, or please LORD show me what to do here is probably more of what I said to him. Well a few days later, he showed me very clearly what he wanted me to do. Over a two day period at work, my immediate supervisor turned down lead after lead after lead that I had sent to him. In fact, he was turning them down in front of the whole office, which was starting to embarrass me somewhat. My boss had never done this before, but now, no matter how many leads I turned into him, he was rejecting them one after another. After two days of this, and after he had rejected about eleven leads in a row of mine, my boss then called a meeting. At the very end of this fifteen minute meeting, he went on to tell us that if anyone wasn’t happy here anymore, to just write a letter of termination and hand it into him in his office. That was exactly what I did. I wrote him a beautiful letter thanking him over and over again for allowing me to work there, but wow did JESUS answer that request of mine. It was now time to move on to a new job, driving my car as a courier. After just a few days of looking, I was able to find a job working for a tiny courier company.
It was working for this small courier service, when JESUS taught me how to worship him. At about 10am in the morning, I was pulling into the driveway of one of our accounts to pickup the items that I needed to transport. This was approximately the third day of my new job, so I was trying to be careful to do a good job. I grabbed the red box and quickly walked back to my car and put the box inside the trunk. I was pulling out of the driveway to get back on to the freeway to pick up the next box, when JESUS said to me - Start worshiping me. It was right then when JESUS pored into me the grace that I needed to worship the LORD for hours at a time while I was driving down the freeways in my car. Right then in my car, with the Christian music playing on the radio, I started worshiping JESUS with all of my heart and soul. I was driving about 200 miles a day for my new job during my shift from 8am to 5pm, and the LORD was showing me to use all of my driving time for him! Just like the LORD had taught me earlier to use all of my bathroom time for him, he was now asking me to give him all of my driving time too. And he wasn’t just asking me, he pored down incredible grace into me allowing me to spend all of my time at work with him. JESUS gave me the ability to abide in him and wow what a wonderful blessing this was. I was constantly on fire for JESUS day and night, and the fire never went out. From 8am in the morning, until 5pm coming home, I spent the entire day worshiping JESUS, praying, and listening to Christian preaching on the car radio. My life was changing very quickly now, and it was during this time also when JESUS was supernaturally giving me all of my songs and lyrics to play and sing to him. I am absolutely convinced that worshiping him for hours at a time during the day, was very connected to the LORD literally writing the songs right through my fingers.
Day after day, week after week, I was dedicating the entire work day to the LORD, and it was such a special time in my life. I would go from worshiping him, to singing songs, then quickly changing radio stations at the correct time to listen to my favorite preachers. After a few weeks of this, I had memorized what time each of my favorite preachers would be speaking on the radio, so I was able to schedule out my worshiping of JESUS, before, in-between and after my favorite speakers were on the radio. During this time, JESUS was teaching me one thing after another after another, his lessons were coming non stop. The LORD was opening up my mind to brand new Christian principals, and all kinds of other important things that I needed to learn if he was going to use me to help others. He would teach me a few Christian principals, and then quickly give me the opportunity to share those truths with others. After dinner at night, when I would read the bible, many, many a time did I then read in the bible what JESUS had taught to me himself many weeks or months earlier. I could easily see how Paul was able to learn as much as he did without ever reading a new testament bible. By abiding in JESUS during my work days, the LORD was slowly teaching me the bible by himself.
After about one month on the job, I noticed that my boss was being very lazy in paying me the money that he owed me each week. I guess this was JESUS’ way of telling me it was time to find a new job. For reasons only GOD knows, he just didn’t want to pay me on time or even pay me at all. So with the LORD’S help, I was able to find another courier job real quickly for a much larger and more professional company.
I still was dedicating each and every day to the LORD in my car, and since this company was much larger then the last, I was also able to make more money now. I was driving between 200-300 miles a day Monday through Friday which was slowly ruining my brand new car, but at least the hours at work would fly by as long as I kept my focus on JESUS. I quickly became the number 1 driver at this large company and they were keeping me constantly busy from morning till dinner time with tons of work. Weeks were passing by quickly now, and the months were too. One of the Christian men from prison, who was now free, couldn’t believe it how much and how quickly I was changing. He kept telling me on a regular basis how he was in shock about how much the LORD was changing me and making changes in my life. Of course it was all the grace of JESUS allowing me to abide in him, but I was also happy I was changing too. My phone would ring non stop with people calling me and asking for help people to know JESUS better, or for encouragement. People were also calling me for prayer help and with a lot of their questions about GOD and many other topics. I still cant believe how fast we grow in the LORD when we abide in him for that many hours a day. It is even shocking to me when I think about how fast I was changing. Day after day my phone was ringing with people asking for help. So here is the picture now. In-between all of the work I was doing as a courier, and in-between all of the worshiping and praying that I was doing in my car, now I was also preaching, teaching and praying for people on the phone while driving down the freeway working as a courier. Day after day, week after week, month after month, even up to almost two years, found myself worshiping JESUS in my car, and praying constantly for people while driving down the freeways of Los Angeles and Orange County. What an incredible two year period that was in my life, the only bad thing was, that my car was being destroyed. I traded in my Ford Focus for a black Nissan Altima, but it would only be a few more months until I would quit being a courier completely to make a career change. My Dad was using my brand new Altima to drive to work, and in return I was using his older model car to work as a courier in. Well, his older car was breaking down all the time and it was costing us thousands of dollars to fix it. I guess that was the LORD’S way of showing me that it was time to find a new job. I knew I loved driving, but I also knew that being a courier ruins the cars too quickly so I had to choose another career. The LORD gently led me to become a Limousine driver.
I quit my job and was hired quickly at two different Limousine companies. I prayed about it, and chose the company that I felt GOD wanted me to choose. Wow, what a blessing it was to drive their car all day, while my car was able to sit in the parking lot. During the next six months, I drove for this mid sized Limousine company full time. I was able to keep up my worshiping of JESUS and listening to the preaching on the radio, but because the make up of this job was slightly different then being a courier, I just wasn’t able to do as much with JESUS as I was when I was a courier the last two years. When the Limousine company first hired me, there was plenty of work each day to make a good living, but that didn’t last long. After about four months of working full time for them, their business slowed down quite a lot. In fact, it got so slow, that I was praying every morning when I woke up from bed that there would be a job or two for me that day. For the next two months, they were very slow, and I was now crying out to JESUS for help on a regular basis. JESUS heard my cries, and he did help me. One day I was doing a job in the airport waiting to pick up my client who was coming off the plane, when I saw another limousine driver who happened to be standing right next to me. We started talking a little bit, and finally I asked him, is your company busy at this time? He said oh yeah! I said OK, are they hiring now, he said yes and he told me to go there and apply for a job right away, and to make sure I mentioned his name too. I didn’t know it at the time, but Tom, the man I was standing next to, was not only a Christian, but he was also a pastor.
I was hired as a Limo driver, but when I found out that they had a few dispatcher openings, we quickly called the owner’s Dad to ask him if I could train to be a dispatcher instead. He was all for the idea, so I started my three day training as a graveyard dispatcher. I didn’t know it at the time, but for the next 3 ½ years, I would be working the graveyard shift which gave me plenty of extra time to preach to people, teach people, pray for people and encourage everyone the very best I could. I would take my lunch breaks at 2am in the morning on a nightly basis, which of course I dedicated the entire hour for JESUS. During my lunch breaks, I would walk around the huge complex for the entire hour praying for everyone that I possibly could, and doing a little bit of worshiping too. Because the graveyard shift was so slow, I was able to read the bible every night too. But that wasn’t all I did. Every chance that JESUS gave me, I preached to the drivers, and any other employees that would be coming upstairs to my dispatch office during my late night shift. I also utilized this time to read, and I don’t just mean read, but I mean read! During this 3 ½ year period, I probably read the equivalent of two hundred books. JESUS used this job to teach me so many different things about myself, about him, and about many other Christian principals and lessons to.
Not everything was a bed of roses though, I still had a lot of darkness in me, and during 3 ½ years working for this company, JESUS gave me multiple chances to practice getting rid of my anger problem, and many other problems that were still inside of me for all of these years since my childhood. JESUS used the drivers the most, to teach me the various lessons that GOD wanted me to work on so as to become more of the image of JESUS myself. There were shouting matches with the drivers, and all kinds of other terrible things happening about once every 2 months. Praise JESUS Every year that passed by, a few of the Christian drivers would tell me how proud they were of me, and how they could easily see the progress that JESUS was doing in my life. There were multiple Christian drivers there from all different kinds of backgrounds that I worked with during the entire time that I was there. GOD worked on me with so many of the problems that I still had inside of me using this job to really bring them out and expose them to me. Many times we have a lot of darkness in us still, that we aren’t even aware of. GOD used this job to show me point blank about a lot of the problems that I still had buried inside of me.
The last year working for this company, I could honestly say that even I could see the huge differences in myself that GOD was doing for me. And if that wasn’t enough, the same Christian drivers once again were really complimenting me that last year of work there. I was preaching to some of the drivers that were working with me for the entire time I worked there, so a few of them were very upset when it was time to leave this company and continue my journey with JESUS to the next job.
I left the Limousine job after working with them just under four years, and the owners were angry that I was leaving. They were not happy one bit that I was quitting, but a Christian man that was working with me, told me that GOD told him that I should leave now. Well I didn’t listen right away, and things at my company were starting to get really bad. That same man came up to my office again, and said to me, I told you GOD wanted you to quit, so go ahead and quit already. Well, this time I did, and the LORD already had another job lined up for me.
I was hired at my new job even before I quit the dispatching job for the Limousine Company. My new boss was also a Christian, in fact he was a preacher and Christian musician too. I had no idea at the time, but GOD was going to use my relationship with my new boss to show that I still had a lot, and I mean A LOT of darkness still inside of me. For those of you who don’t understand that term darkness, that means that there was still a lot of emotional darkness or spiritual darkness that GOD wanted me to see. By showing me what was wrong with me, I could then pray that JESUS help me to get rid of all of that evil that was still inside of me. I could see that the healing process that JESUS was doing for me was going to not only take years, but possibly even a decade. When my boss and myself were having success at work, we seemed to get along ok, I use the word ok here because he was a very, very tough person to talk to. He liked to totally dominate the conversation even to the point that it was actually getting quite disgusting to even talk with him. Then out of nowhere, sales started to get worse and worse, and this is when we had two very vicious arguments over a 30 day period. The HOLY SPIRIT was showing us very clearly, what he wanted us to work on. I really don’t believe that my boss knew it at the time, but GOD made it crystal clear to me during those terrible arguments where we were screaming at each other. A few days after that second argument, I sent him a private email and apologized to him, but it was only a few weeks later where I ended up quitting that job. JESUS had a plan for my life, just like he does for all of you who are reading this now, but as far as working for that company, it was very clear to me to quit working for them right away, which is exactly what I did.
Even with all of the worshiping, bible reading, praying, and preaching to people that I was doing on a regular full time basis, not to mention all of the worship music that JESUS was writing through me, something was still very, very wrong. I would get lonely and depressed on a regular basis. One week I would be feeling great, and then the next few days I would totally crash emotionally to the point where I could get really sad or depressed. The first few years out of prison this went on constantly where I would be on such fire for JESUS, but late at night I would feel very lonely and sad. Well, what was happening was, late at night was when I would start to let my mind wander onto all kinds of bad topics that it should never ever think about. Late at night my mind would start thinking about how could I find a wife, or it might focus on the fact that im still alone and single, and all kinds of other bad things. I didn’t have any friends, so I did feel isolated from time to time. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I had no idea at the time on how I could get rid of all of those bad emotions. A typical month for me would be like this; I would be on super fire for JESUS for a few weeks, then get very depressed for three days, then go back on fire for JESUS for one week, then get sad and lonely for five days. This went on and on for many years. JESUS was teaching me very, oh so very slowly that I really needed to watch what I thought about at all times, and to keep all of my thoughts monitored pushing all the bad ones out, and replacing them with good ones. This is actually quite hard to do, and it takes years of practice to get good at this. So for the first few years of being a free man, I allowed my mind to wander on to all kinds of bad things, which was bringing depression, sadness and loneliness into my life on a regular basis. It really doesn’t matter how much a person worships JESUS, or prays in a single day, if that night they let their mind wander onto a lot of bad and depressing topics, the loneliness and depression and sadness will come in like a flood. I went up and down spiritually and emotionally like this for many years, while I was slowly learning to monitor all of my thoughts during the day and night every single day of my life. We must win the battle that goes on in our mind, and this lesson was being taught to me over a nine year period of time. I am still practicing this tonight, to hold all of my thoughts captive. When I catch myself thinking of bad things, I quickly try to push those out and replace them with wonderful thoughts, or even better yet, I just start praying and talking to JESUS right away.
During my childhood years, there was a lot of emotional and spiritual suffering that I went through. It was during these terrible years as a child where it seemed to be that certain entities were able to come into me, or come into my life in a way where they lived with me from a very young age all the way to a middle aged man. What were these entities, I would say they were either demons, or some other kind of evil stronghold that was deep, really deep inside of me. I cannot say I know exactly what or who they were, but they seemed to bring to me a feeling of terrible abandonment, rejection and terrible emotional pain. In other words, each time people either rejected me, or abandoned me, those terrible feelings would rise up really strong in me from deep inside of my soul going back to childhood. The LORD in all his wisdom, had allowed this to happen in my life so I could then become the man of GOD that JESUS wanted me to be. That darkness or entities that I am mentioning here were with me my entire life, all the way up to about four weeks ago when my friend in Florida prayed with me on the phone. It was during his prayer on the phone with me when I could feel them leaving. I have now been free from that darkness for about one month and it is truly wonderful! Praise to JESUS for using my friend and our faith to finally set me free from that darkness. The same man who gave me the message from GOD that I should quit that Limousine Company, also gave me some insight into what was inside of me. He thought they were demons, but he wasn’t completely sure. We had a few long talks and we concluded that they were inside of me all the way back from childhood. Praise JESUS for giving me the grace and mercy in my life now to be free from that terrible pain.
About six months after my release from the Half Way House, I decided to try an internet dating site to see if JESUS might have a wife for me there. Before I was released from prison I was already praying for the LORD to send me a wonderful wife. Since JESUS had helped me to find a wonderful church, and he also answered my prayers of a good job and a brand new car, I was expecting complete success finding a Christian wife, and I knew inside of my heart that it would just be a matter of time before the LORD would send her to me. I was now working as a courier, and because the company was so busy, I did have a little extra money to give a dating site a try. Well, the first dating site I joined up with, was a complete failure! I had said hello to a lot of Christian women but something strange was happening. Woman after woman was showing NO interest in me at all. So I said to myself, ok, I am not sure what the LORD was telling me there, so I quickly tried another dating site on the internet. The exact same thing happened again. I introduced myself to a lot of women but not one of them was ever interested in me. I then proceeded to try a few more internet dating sites, and the exact same results happened over and over again. After introducing myself to many, many women, none of them were ever interested in me. About once every six months a woman might show a little interest in me, but when we went out to dinner, we would either end up getting into an argument, or the date would just go terribly bad. This went on with dating site after dating site with the exact same results. Over the period of a few years, I would try different dating sites from time to time, but no matter how many women I introduced myself to, none of them were ever interested in me. I had no idea at the time what JESUS was doing here, and this really hurt my feeling quite a lot. Sure, I was still worshiping JESUS in my car the entire day while at work, along with all of the praying and studying I was doing, but my heart was feel very sad. I was really starting to wonder why wouldn’t JESUS send a wife to me. As the years passed by and no matter how hard I tried to find a wife humanly speaking, the LORD wouldn’t budge.
Some of the Christian men I would meet from time to time would try to give me their human wisdom on how I could go about finding a wife. One brother told me that I preach to much, another person told me that I needed to go to a singles group in church. And on and on they went with their advice, but the one thing that they didn’t realize is this, JESUS is GOD and until the LORD sends someone for us to marry, there is absolutely nothing a person can do about it. I prayed for a wife thousands of times. I cried out to JESUS for help on a hundred different occasions. In the LORD’s incredible GODLY wisdom, he wasn’t going to give me a wife. Back then, I didn’t know that, so I would keep praying and crying out to him while joining up dating site after dating site as the years passed by. Yes I was still writing Christian music, and sure I was still praying, worshiping, reading the bible and preaching to tons of people day and night non stop, but on this one topic, I just couldn’t get JESUS to move. Every time I took my focus off of JESUS, I would get very lonely and sometimes depressed. This caused me even more to focus on finding a woman to marry. A few days would pass by of feeling lonely and depressed, then the LORD would send grace to me and bring me back to him where I would be able to focus on him again, pushing away all bad thoughts. Year after year passed by, where I would go from being on fire for JESUS, to feeling very lonely, sad, and depressed. I was a spiritual and emotional roller coaster. When I allowed my mind to think about being single, and how I didn’t have any friends, that pain would rise up inside of me just like did for most of my entire life going all the way back to my teen years. Then JESUS would slowly whisper for me to come back to him, and of course I would then feel much better.
JESUS SENDS A NEW FRIEND
A few years had passed by now, and I decided to try one of the internet dating sites that I joined up with many years earlier. Since I left my profile in the site, all I had to do was pay them the monthly fee with my credit card, and I would be up and running in no time. I don’t know why I did it, I will never be able to explain it except that it was completely JESUS, but something told me to check the tiny country of Romania to see if there would possibly be anybody special for me there to be friends with or to marry. There was a young lady online, so I decided to say hello to her and to see if she wanted to say hello back to me via the email. Shortly after, I heard back from her, and for the next few weeks we started up a friendship sending email letters back and forth. She told me that her name was Alexandra and that she was living with her cousin in Bucharest. Alexandra told me that her cousin had a computer camera and if I wanted, she would turn it on so I would then be able to see her while we talked back and forth. After a few weeks of this, we started meeting on the internet on a regular basis, where we were able to build up a good friendship. She would turn her camera on so I could see her, and we would spend a lot of time sharing stories about ourselves and learning about one another. From time to time I called her on the phone, that way we could hear each others voices while we talked, this really helped us to build up our friendship a lot quicker. As time passed by, we found ourselves getting along really good, so I approached her about coming to visit her in Bucharest and to get her opinion on this. She was excited about this idea so I started looking into how I could possibly afford to travel to her country.
A few more months passed by when I decided that I would sell my digital camera, keyboard, and a few other very expensive items that I owned to get the money to be able to afford to go see her. My music ministry had really come to an end by this time, so there was no need to have a 2000$keyboard just sitting there in the corner of my apartment taking up space. JESUS helped me to quickly sell all of my items and now I had the full amount of money to go visit her. During the six months that we had been talking on a regular basis, we had come to the agreement that we would apply for a fiancee visa. The process was very lengthy and it took a lot of money to turn in all of the paper work needed to apply for the visa. Homeland security did a complete back ground check on me, and when they approved me, I then bought the airplane tickets and we made specific plans to meet each other in Bucharest. Alexandra’s cousin had moved out a few months earlier because they were having trouble getting along, so we decided that I would stay at her place during the one week vacation to as to save money that I would of needed to pay for a hotel room for the one week I was there.
I successfully arrived at the Bucharest airport, after spending the last 24 hours either in flight, or at airports waiting for the next departure. I had now been up for just about 24 hours, but I was able to get off the plane and get ready to meet Alexandra in person. We gave each other a big hug and caught a taxi for the short ride back to her apartment. We got along great for the entire seven days I was there. We went site seeing all over Bucharest, we ate authentic Romanian food at the various restaurants, and we even went to the mall they have there in the city to window shop a little and spend some time in the stores. The Romanian food was excellent We went to a few different restaurants and I very much enjoyed everything that they brought to us to eat.
Back at her apartment, I cooked a few different dishes to eat that Alexandra and her girlfriends had never tasted before. I made them French Toast one day, which they all loved! They had never tasted French toast before so that was a lot of fun to watch them eat it.
During the one week together, Alexandra had shared with me that she wasn’t feeling that great. She said that she was feeling tired a lot, so we spent some time talking about what could be wrong. At the end of the seven days, we had decided that she needed to sleep better, and possibly even take some vitamins. We spent the entire week together talking a lot, traveling around the city, and going to the various different Romanian restaurants that were somewhat close to her house. We got along better in person then we ever did on the phone or the internet, so we decided to go forward with all of the important documents that we would need to finish applying for our fiancee visa. I had prayed to JESUS about Alexandra, and each time I prayed, I felt the LORD was telling me to go ahead and marry her. Since we got along so well in person, I decided that I was on the right path with GOD and I had peace inside of me about this decision.
The week passed by really fast, and before I knew it, it was the night before I had to catch my plane flight to go back home to the USA. We spent some time together listening to music, talking, and praying together too. The next morning, Alexandra and her girlfriend rode with me in the taxi to take me back to the airport and to drop me off. We talked about her getting more sleep, and even changing her diet a little to start eating much better food, hopefully by doing this she would feel better.
Upon arriving back at home in the USA, I quickly filled out all of the fiancee visa applications and mailed them into Homeland Security all within the first week of arriving back home. We were told that the paper work would take about six months to file, so we continued to meet each other at the appropriate hour on the computer where we were able to keep our wonderful friendship going strong. I had been paying for all of her bills for the last six months of our friendship, and knowing that it would be another half a year until she would be allowed to fly to the USA to be with me, I decided I better quickly get back to work at the Limousine company dispatching. I went right back to working full time so I could get caught up financially with all of my bills and hers too. JESUS had never let me down once, and he wasn’t going to now either. Month after month passed by, and there was always just enough money for both of us to pay our bills. Not only was I working full time, and meeting Alexandra on the computer to spend time with her each day, but I continued my wonderful friendship with JESUS every day and night too.
The six months passed by, and Homeland Security approved our paperwork and then forwarded it to the US Embassy in Bucharest. The Embassy contacted Alexandra on the telephone to tell her that they would be mailing a package of instructions to her apartment, and to follow the instructions carefully. The package showed up in her mailbox about a week later, which we were very excited to finally get. Up to this point, we had known each other for one year, and during this year, we never had a single argument. We never really even had a disagreement on any topic either. We just about always got along very well together. Alexandra opened up the package and saw that the Embassy was simply asking her to get a criminal background check done at the police department, and then to go to the medical clinic to get a full medical check done. I sent the money to her right away to pay for the criminal background check and the medical tests. Alexandra then called the medical clinic to make an appointment, and when that was scheduled for the following week, she went to the police department to get her full criminal check done. Of course, she had never broken any laws, so that came back clean and she took the results of her criminal background test home to her apartment, where she would have to turn it into the embassy. A couple of days later, the Embassy had contacted Alexandra and told her that she has an appointment to show up in person at the Embassy in one month from now, to interview for the fiancee visa that we were applying for. This was great news to get, and now I realized that finally she would be with me in the USA just a week or two after the Embassy interview. I talked to Alexandra about if I should show up in person for the Embassy interview to help her, but we realized that I didn’t have the money, and we didn’t think it would be important for me to be there. So we both decided against that idea.
I knew that she would be with me in about one month, which also meant I had one month to save up for our wedding rings, honeymoon, a new apartment because the apartment I was living in was way, way too small for two people and many other things too. I bought my Dad’s beautiful couch that he had in his condo because he was re decorating, and up to that time, I didn’t have a couch for both of us to sit on. I was working a lot now, and also trying to save up for a bed. The bed I had was so small, really only one person could fit on it. So I was working a lot of hours, and I was also looking into financing a few of the items that I wanted to have for both of us before she showed up in the USA. I had been living alone for many years now, so because I was single, I just didn’t have some of the important items that a married couple would need. I went to a few stores and took a good look at wedding rings, and made a lot of phone calls to different companies trying to find a brand new bed for us.
That week, I was exercising outside right around my neighborhood, when one day I saw that there was an apartment for rent just a few blocks away from where I was living at the time. The next day I met the Land lord and he showed me the apartment that was for rent. It was perfect! It had a brand new kitchen, brand new bathroom and the apartment had hardwood flooring from the 1940's. the living room was facing the beach and the apartment had no adjoining walls with any other apartment in the complex. the apartment was located about three blocks from the beach, but on many occasions the salty beach air would come poring in through the windows. It was much more money then what I was paying at the time, but Alexandra had said that when she arrived into the USA, she would get a job right away and help me to pay the bills. Because of this, we decided on the telephone to rent the new apartment for us to live in. I called the Land lord and told him that I would take the apartment, and that I would move in on the first of the month. In between working full time that week, and preaching to people, I started packing up my apartment and got ready for the hard move ahead.
A few more days had passed by now, and it was time for Alexandra to get her medical tests done thank GOD, which after one year of paperwork and various other things, would be the final step for us to do before her Embassy interview in three weeks. Alexandra went to the medical facility, and after waiting for many hours in line, she was finally seen by the doctor. They took all of the important tests, and told her that they would contact her in about one week with the results. Ok great! We were finally done with all of the steps that a couple has to take with both of our Governments when they apply for a fiancee visa. It had take over a year now, but we kept our friendship going by talking on the phone and communicating on the internet on a regular basis. The medical clinic called Alexandra the following week on the telephone and told her that she could come by to pick up the completed medical tests. It was a few days later when she went to pick up her medical reports. We needed the police report on her, the medical reports, and also passport pictures. Alexandra had told me that she would go pick up the medical tests the next day and bring everything safely back to her apartment putting all of it into a folder for the US Embassy interview.
I had to work the next day, and I am sure it was quite busy, but after the long 12 hour shift was ending, I said to myself, hey, Alexandra never came online to say hello today. Another day passed by which found me back at work again, working another 12 hour shift, and once again, I didn’t hear from her. So tonight I decided that I would call her on the phone to find out what is wrong. I didn’t know if her internet might of broke, or if something else was wrong. When I called her, nobody answered the phone. So I waited a few hours while working, and called her again. There was still no answer on the phone. The next night, the same exact thing. I didn’t hear from her on the internet and each time I called her telephone, there was no answer. By this time I was starting to get nervous. Because of this, I decided that I would call her the next day about every two hours until I finally got a hold of her on the phone to find out what was wrong. But no matter how many times I called her telephone, still nobody answered. It had been about 5 days now since she went on the bus to pick up her medical reports, and still no word from her either on the internet or by calling her telephone about seven times a day. Of course you could probably tell that I was very nervous now, and I was really starting to worry about her. I had no idea what was wrong, and my mind was starting to think about many possible bad things that could of happened to her, which only made matters worse for me.
I cant quite remember, but on the sixth or seventh day since she went to pickup her medical tests, I finally heard from her. Alexandra came on the internet like she had hundreds of times before, but this time there was bad news! Well first of all, when I saw that she was online, I was very, very happy to finally hear from her after this long week of anxiety and stress. I quickly said hello to her and asked her what happened? My heart was pounding inside of my chest as I waited for her to type her answer back to me. And then it happened, she typed me the long message and hit the enter button on her keyboard sending that message to my computer. I slowly read the complete message that she had typed to me, and after about ten seconds of reading her message, I was practically in shock! Alexandra went on to tell me how she arrived at the medical facility on time, and that the doctors had told her to come into the room so they could share with her the results. They told her that the results came in, and she had cancer! She told me that this is why she didn’t want come on the internet to meet me this last week, and also why she wouldn’t answer her phone. The doctors told her that she had Leukemia, and that they needed to start treatment on her right away. They gave her the information on where to go to get in touch with a doctor who specializes in Leukemia, and told her to contact the medical facility right away.
Our Embassy interview was now only two weeks away, and I had no idea on earth what to do about it. Alexandra was in a very bad mood, which perfectly made sense. After all, she just got the worse news of her entire life, and she reacted just like most other people would. She was now very angry at everyone including GOD, and for the first time, she was rude and quite irritable. After hearing that she had cancer, how could I possibly ask her to show up at the Embassy for her interview. I tried to bring it up a few times over the next two weeks, but she just wasn’t able to talk about it emotionally speaking. Alexandra started her treatments for the Leukemia, and as the date for our Embassy interview passed by, we forgot to call the Embassy to tell them what happened. As far as the Embassy was concerned, they figured that we changed our minds and didn’t bother to show up for our interview.
Over the next few months, I was praying for Alexandra to have a complete healing. I was still in shock about this terrible news, but I tried the best I could to keep doing a good job at work, and I also tried to keep my relationship with JESUS going the very best I could. I had already moved into our new and much more expensive apartment, so because of all of this, I really wasn’t sure what to do. During this six month period, I didn’t hear from Alexandra that often. She was still in a very bad mood, and she didn’t come on the internet much to talk with me any longer. Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from her for a month at a time. It was during those weeks that I didn’t hear from her for long periods of times, that JESUS was really teaching me a lot about handing over to him all of my cares and worries. It was a slow process to learn this, but as the months passed by and slowly turned into years, I was able to more and more hand over all of my anxieties to JESUS which helped me to feel much better emotionally speaking.
During the next two years of my life, my relationship with JESUS was ever so slowly getting worse and worse. It isn’t because I blamed him for this bad news, no not at all. It was more because of the fact that, after all of these years of living alone, and after waiting for over one year for our fiancee visa paperwork to all be approved, at the very last second the entire plan came crumbling down. I had spent a fortune paying for all of the applications and forms that we had to turn in, let alone the fact that I had sold some very, very expensive items in my apartment to pay for the trip to go to Romania to see her for that one week vacation. I wasn’t angry at JESUS at all, but as the months passed by and slowly turned into years, my once passionate relationship with JESUS was growing colder and colder. I was still working at the same Limousine company as a dispatcher, but I found myself in a bad mood quite often. During these years I wasn’t worshiping JESUS much anymore, and my prayer life was much shorter then it had been since even before I had left prison.
After Alexandra’s chemotherapy was all completed, which took almost one year to finish, it was then that we started to meet again on the computer a few times a week to talk. During this year, Alexandra must of cried out to JESUS for help, because she was now finally born again! I have no idea when she did this, or how it happened, but as the months passed by, she slowly became nicer and softer and kind again. During our talks on the computer and telephone, we slowly started praying a little bit together, and even once in a while we would read the bible together too. Her Sister had moved into her apartment during this year, but one night they had a terrible argument and her Sister moved out the next day. Alexandra’s younger Sister then called their entire family on the telephone telling them all lies about Alexandra. Well, even though Alexandra was the older daughter, her Mom and Dad decided to believe her sister and they turned against Alexandra. Her Mom and Dad and Sister all became very angry with her and they completely disowned her. Even many years later, they still will not call Alexandra on the phone or contact her in any way. Even though the bible warns us that our own family members will turn against us once we decide to start following JESUS, it is still a very hurtful experience to go through.
Starting about one year ago, all the way up to tonight, Alexandra and myself are once again getting along great. For the past four months, we have been trying to meet seven days a week in the morning when I wake up on the computer. We would talk, read the bible a lot, and finish our time together with prayer day after day keeping JESUS in the middle of our relationship. We are now after all of these years, putting our relationship into the hands of JESUS, and in his hands we can finally be and feel free!
One of the lessons that JESUS has taught us over the last year, had to do with her internet breaking on a regular basis, even many times right in the middle of our bible reading. Her internet would work fine for a few days, then the LORD would allow it to break for a few days. At first when this happened, we would get a little sad, or depressed, or even irritable over her internet constantly breaking, but as the months have passed by, and with test after test after test, we are now starting to trust JESUS much more, and allowing the LORD to decide what mornings we will be able to talk, and what mornings he doesn’t want us to talk. This lesson has been going on for about the last year. Many times, after we would say hello in the morning and begin talk for a few minutes, her internet would suddenly break. Each time her internet would break, we were completely done talking until the next day where we would try again to spend some time together. Many times when I would begin to read the bible to her, suddenly her internet would break. Wow, that could be quite frustrating and honestly speaking, it did bother me a lot especially in the beginning about a year ago. Haha, that can be quite frustrating to be in the middle of a prayer, or bible reading and have her internet suddenly break, but the HOLY SPIRIT knows what Alexandra and myself need to learn, and praise GOD we are doing better and better with each test. As the months keep passing by, we are both trusting JESUS more and more with when he wants us to communicate, and when he doesn’t.
As of writing this testimony tonight, our relationship is going better then at any other time since we met, praise JESUS She is the only women in my entire life that I have ever loved, and I know that she loves me too. Even though she is in Romania, and I am in the USA, we are trusting JESUS because the LORD knows exactly what is best for both of us. We are learning to put aside our selfish ambitions of our relationship, and to shoulder our cross daily putting JESUS first in our lives. We are practicing our faith and believing that she has been healed by the stripes of JESUS, and with all of the bible reading we are doing together, we are getting more and more educated about GOD and who we are in CHRIST. Her doctor completely gave up on her about one year ago, telling her that there was nothing else he could do for her, and that she was now in the hands of GOD. Well, I cant think of a single place to live which would ever be better then living in the hands of GOD. From time to time when I go into a spiritual valley with JESUS, Alexandra prays more for me and encourages me the best that she can each day. And likewise, I do the exact same for her now. We are learning to completely trust JESUS with our relationship, and even more important with our lives. I will wake up tomorrow morning like I always do so we can spend time together on the computer, and whether her internet works or not, I know that the LORD JESUS loves both of us much more then he even loved his own life.
I was in my apartment one night, when the LORD decided to teach me a couple of really cool ways in which I could worship him. One way that he showed me was to lay down or sit down with my eyes closed, and to see myself in the throne room of GOD. I would see myself facing JESUS on his throne, and our FATHER in heaven sitting in the middle throne. Now with my eyes closed, while standing in front of our FATHER and JESUS, I would raise my hands real high and start telling GOD some of the most wonderful things that I could possibly think of. I would tell GOD how much I love him, and how badly I need him in my life. I would go on to tell him how weak I was without him, and just how lost I am without him. I would do this over and over for a period of time worshiping GOD with all of my heart. Sometimes after a little while of worshiping GOD this way, with my eyes staying closed, I would then see JESUS in my mind stand up in front of his throne, and proceed to slowly walk towards me. JESUS would have a wonderful smile on his face as he got closer and closer to me. I would keep worshiping him non stop as he got closer and closer and closer to me. Then in my mind I would see JESUS stand right next to me, reach out with his arms, and hold me real tight. As JESUS was holding me real tight, I would keep worshiping him in my heart and mind and soul. This was a very powerful form of worshiping that JESUS taught me to do himself. I also taught this to many people throughout the world, which ended up always being a blessing for everyone who would worship JESUS this way.JESUS TEACHES ME HOW TO LOVE HIM DEEPER.
Another form of worshiping that JESUS had taught me turned out to be a very powerful method of sharing my love with JESUS through worship. JESUS had led me to turn off my lights, and while standing in the dark to put on my favorite Christian music each night really loud on my headphones so my neighbors couldn’t hear it. Then while standing in the dark, with the blaring loud Christian music on my headphones, to raise up my hands and worship JESUS with all of my heart and soul and tears song after song after song. Many times while doing this, I would feel the presence of JESUS so strongly standing right in front of me, that JESUS had taught me to even take this a step further. With the lights turned off, and the loud music playing on my headphones, JESUS then showed me how he really was right in front of me, and that I could reach out with my hands and proceed to grab his hands and pull him closer to me, so we could then hug each other. While my arms were wrapped around JESUS hugging him very tightly, I would continue to worship him by saying the most loving things that I could possibly think of saying coming from the bottom of my heart. On many occasions when I found myself feeling sad or lonely, I would stand there and allow JESUS to hug me while I kept my arms straight down. Throughout all of the years that I have been free now, on many occasions I just didn’t have the strength to hug JESUS back, and those were the times when I just felt the presence of JESUS in my room hugging me only.
Many times while worshiping JESUS this way, I would then find myself starting to cry. The HOLY SPIRIT quickly taught me that when I started crying, this was because he was in the process of healing me from the inside out. All of the pain from childhood, all of the pain during my teens years, and all of the pain of my adult life was still inside of me rooted down very deeply within. It is with worshiping that the LORD heals us, he holds us, he helps us, and he sends his HOLY SPIRIT to heal us from within. JESUS also taught me the best way to get love from GOD, was to give love. So JESUS showed me that if I was feeling down, or sad, or depressed, to worship him with all of my heart and soul and then he would pore down love into my entire being and in no time at all, I would start to not only feel much better, but through worshiping JESUS, my spirit would go on fire for him! As long as I continued to worship JESUS, my spirit stayed on a continual fire for him, and it never went out. So through worshiping JESUS in the day time in my car, and then by worshiping him at night time in a more private and personal way, he was healing all of that terrible darkness and pain that had entered my life starting at about the age of five years old. All of that terrible emotional and spiritual pain that I had lived with my entire life, was now being healed and destroyed through worshiping the CREATOR.
When JESUS had taught me and given me the grace to worship him every day and night, he then proceeded to show me some of the many, many benefits of worshiping him. One of the first things that JESUS showed me was, how much he was blessing me back every day. What he taught me was this. When I worshiped him I was blessing him with my love and praise, and as I continued to bless him every day and night, JESUS would then start blessing me much, much more every day and night too. This went on for years. Every single day JESUS would reveal to me exactly how he was blessing me, and not a single day went by when he didn’t bless me on multiple occasions. Another benefit he showed me from worshiping him every day was how much everything in my life started going my way. From the traffic on the freeway, to the relationship with family and even my boss, everything started going my way. All of the small things in my life were going my way, and a lot of the big things too were now going my way. JESUS had smoothed out everything before me in my life, and now most of my entire life was just flowing so smoothly and gracefully. JESUS also showed me that I was no guarded more, or what I mean is, since I started worshiping him, he now protected me from all dangers and problems a lot more then if I didn’t worship him. It was many, many years later, that I had read in the bible Ezra 8:22 - Our GOD’S hand of protection is on all who worship him. Amen, this is sooooo true. The Christian men and women who decide to start worshiping JESUS every day will be super protected by his loving arms. I could go on and on and on about worshiping JESUS, but I feel that I made it clear just how much my life started to turn around once JESUS had given me the grace to worship him on a daily basis.
I don’t want the reader to think that I worshiped JESUS non stop for going on ten years out of prison without ever missing a single day, no that isn’t the case. I would go into some very bad spiritual valleys with loneliness, depression and sadness, but after a few days of this, or even a week or two, the LORD JESUS has always been so faithful and loving to bring me right back to his loving arms and put me back on the spiritual peak. I cannot take any credit for getting out of my spiritual valleys that I would fall into on a semi regular basis, no not at all. JESUS himself would pull me out of each spiritual valley that I had gotten myself into. When JESUS would pull me back out of the valley to a spiritual mountain peak, I would of course immediately start worshiping him again. This has gone on for about ten years now, and wow have I learned a lot about so many different Christian lessons and principals.
I wanted to spend a chapter praising JESUS and sharing a few, just a few of the many, many miracles that JESUS had done for me. Here is a small sample of some of the miracles that JESUS had done for me from the time I left the Half Way House, all the way up to tonight.
It was a Friday night, and I was in my apartment on my computer when my telephone rang. I had only been out of the Half Way House for about one two months at this time, and I was very low on money and food. I picked up the telephone and it was my Christian Brother, the same one who was driving me church and back each Sunday morning. He went on to say to me, Garrett please don’t be offended, but GOD told us that you needed some food, so myself and my wife wanted to come by tomorrow morning and drop off a few bags of food. Umm I told them, I am not offended and yes, I could use some food right now. So I told them to just knock on the door in the morning and I would be very happy to accept a few bags of food from them. That morning they showed up at my door with two entire bags of food ranging from all different kinds.
Right about the same time that GOD had my church brother drop off some food at my house, I found myself with a medical problem. I was burning up inside of all the time. I didn’t have a temperature, and I wasn’t sick, but deep inside of me I had a burning sensation. The burning sensation had been inside of me for a few weeks and it was very unpleasant. JESUS slowly revealed to me that it was a spirit doing this, and it wasn’t a real medical problem. I tried everything to get this to go away, but it stayed with me no matter what I tried. One Sunday morning in church, the head pastor said that if anyone was sick or had any problems to step out into the aisle and that they would pray over us and we would be healed. There were a few church members in front of me, so I patiently watched as the head pastor and his assistants were praying over the sick people one at a time. It was finally my turn, so when the pastor came up to me, he put some oil on my forehead and then a few of the pastors laid hands on me and started to pray. As they were praying for me, I felt something inside of me snap. It was the same feeling and sound as if you were to snap a small twig in your hand. When it snapped, JESUS told me that I was completely healed, and I was praise GOD!
My left eye had developed a medical problem in it at about the half way point of my prison term. Each month it got worse and worse. When I left the Half Way House, my Dad and myself went to the clinic to get medicine for it. I put the medicine in my eye once in the morning and once at night and it kept it from hurting. I had to use the medicine every day supposedly for the rest of my life, but that wouldn’t be the case. My Brother came down from Las Vegas to visit us and on Friday night, we decided to go to a free Christian concert. Upon driving to the concert we were getting some major spiritual resistance all the way up to the arena. Even though we didn’t feel like it, we walked inside and somehow, someway found two seats. I say that because we were almost last to arrive and the entire arena was filled already. In the middle of the concert, thousands of people were standing up and worshiping JESUS, with tears falling down their faces. The main speaker told us that JESUS was going to heal us now and to start worshiping him. I raised up my hands real high and just knew JESUS was going to heal me. What part of my body I didn’t know, because I had multiple medical problems, but while worshiping him, I was told that my left eye was healed. While walking out of the concert arena towards our car, I did notice that my eye was completely healed. Praise JESUS again!
Over a one year period, I had spent a small fortune going to the dentist. My teeth were doing fine now thank GOD, but one night my right upper tooth started to hurt real badly. I immediately prayed to JESUS for healing, and I cried out to him with all my heart. My tooth was healed and it never had a problem again after all of these years.
I had hurt my back lifting weights in my apartment. I was forced to miss a week of work, which really hurt me financially speaking. I prayed to JESUS for help, and in about a 24 hour period, my entire back problem went away. I was immediately able to go back to work which was a great blessing because of all of the bills I had to pay.
I was dispatched at the Limousine company for 3 ½ years. One night I walked down stairs into the offices to use the men’s bathroom. When I flushed the toilet, the handle got stuck and water started poring out of it flooding the entire bathroom. I tried everything I could to fix it, but I couldn’t unstick the handle. I was getting nervous now because there was no water drainage so the flooding would soon go out into the corporate offices. I laid hands on the toilet, and commanded it to be fixed in the name of JESUS. I went back upstairs to take care of some work for a few minutes. As soon as It slowed down, I ran back downstairs to check the flooding. The toilet was completely fixed!
My car developed a mechanical problem in the front left side underneath. Every single day it would make these loud grinding noises. One morning at 7am, I was leaving the parking lot of my job, when it was making a lot of noises. I immediately commanded it to be fixed it the name of JESUS, and the problem went completely away. Over the next few years, I didn’t hear a single sound out of it. Then about 5 months ago upon writing this testimony, the sound came back worse then ever. I took it to the mechanic on three different occasions, but they could never find what was wrong with it. A few weeks ago I commanded it again to be fixed in the name of JESUS, and now the car is perfectly healed praised JESUS.
On about five different occasions, I found myself with terrible stomach aches. This was usually from eating bad foods or eating food that I had no business eating. Each time I commanded my stomach to be healed, and each time the pains and medical problems quickly went away.
On multiple, multiple occasions, each time I would come down with a headache, I would lay my hands on my head and command the headache to leave in the name of JESUS, and most times it would leave immediately or within a few seconds after praise JESUS.
One Friday night when I was a courier, I made my last drop off in Orange County which was about a one hour drive back to my apartment in Long Beach. On Friday night at 5 pm, the freeway would usually be stop and go traffic with very, very heavy congestion. I don’t know why I did this, but I prayed to JESUS to make a clear and open pathway for myself so I could get home in just 20 minutes. What happened next was absolutely amazing. Wow do I wish I had this on camera. JESUS started opening up the freeway lanes in front of my car one after another to where I could drive at full speed back home even though the freeway had a lot of traffic. Mile after mile one car after another would get out of my way. I switched lanes a few times, but no matter what lanes I chose, JESUS had the cars in front of me switch lanes to get out of my way. This happened all the way back to my apartment. On top of the cars getting out of my way, as far as I can remember tonight, I caught every single signal green which gave me a crystal clear pathway to my apartment. That was one of the most amazing things I had seen so far in my life.
Another time still when I was a courier, my gas was getting dangerously low. I was driving so many miles, I was using almost a full tank a day so buying gas was a regular chore that we couriers had to do. I was just about to run out of gas, when I prayed to JESUS to please help me get to the gas station. I glanced down at the gas gauge a few second later and that is when I clearly saw the gas gauge go up a little bit. It went up about a 16th of a tank which was a perfect amount to help me get to the next gas station coming up.
Many other times while I was a courier, I found myself very low on gas. Each time I prayed to JESUS to help me get to a gas station, and he never failed me. I never once ran out of gas on the freeway or on the surface streets. Praise JESUS
Again while I was a courier, about ten different times the HOLY SPIRIT told me to look up, or look around which prevented me from either crashing into another car, or some other kind of danger. I would pray every day for protection while on the roads, and this is why the HOLY SPIRIT had warned me on so many occasions to watch out! Each time he warned me, I quickly looked up and was able to divert from danger in my car.
Many times while driving on the freeway, the HOLY SPIRIT told me to watch out! Not because someone was entering my lane but because the police were behind me farther back and I happened to be speeding. I am absolutely convinced that JESUS was warning me all the time because I was worshiping him. I directly relate worshiping GOD to having his supernatural favor and protection not only in my car, but also everywhere else I went too.
A few years ago each time I used the bathroom I was passing blood. The clinic tried to tell me it was ulcers or some other kind of medical problems. They wanted to do tests on me, but I told them no way. I went home and prayed and the blood stopped completely.
One night in my apartment, I was feeling very sad and lonely. I am sure I was being oppressed by a demon or demons. I felt very confused and I couldn’t think clearly. I had tears in my eyes as I was talking to a Christian brother on the telephone who was trying to give me some advice on how to feel better. Well forget his advice, JESUS came to me himself I was laying down on my couch with a few tears coming out of my eyes, when JESUS walked up to me and he touched me with his finger tip right on my heart. As I was laying down on my couch, he approached me from the right side, and he leaned over slightly to touch my heart with his finger. As soon as he touched me, it completely changed my life. When he touched me, he pored in an incredible amount of love into my being. If that feeling of immense love is even a tiny glimpse of how we are going to feel in heaven, I tell you people heaven will be beyond any words incredible!!!! I immediately felt better and in fact I had never in my entire life felt anything like that before. That pure and wonderful love was now deep inside of me and it totally changed me. In fact at work, some of the Christian brothers were commenting on how different I was. They were even saying how obvious it was that I was walking with JESUS and how much JESUS was changing my life. They complimented me over and over again on how Christ like I was. Well they were right about one thing, it was JESUS who did it all. I didn’t do anything to deserve that supernatural miracle. Each week that went by, the overwhelming feeling of love faded more and more, but even to this day, it is still lingering inside of me and this was an incredible gift JESUS did for me when I needed him the most that dark and terrible night.
I had just moved into a new apartment, when something else happened. I was writing Christian letters to some friends in prison, while at the same time, working on the computer too. I was super busy to the point to where it was almost overwhelming. I walked into my new kitchen and then I did something that I don’t normally do. I asked JESUS really quickly to overwhelm me with his presence and love. Right then and right there he started to overwhelm me with his love as tears started falling down my eyes. His presence just pored into me to the point where his love starts overwhelm my being. That was an awesome present JESUS did for me. I tell you people, JESUS loves you much, much, much, much more then you think he does!
I had caught a flu a few years ago, and not just any flu but this one was very strong. It got so bad in fact, that one night I was saying my final prayers as I was shivering in my bed while burning up at the same time. That afternoon when I woke up for work, JESUS told me I was healed. I said that’s great, thank you. I went into the shower because I had only a few minutes to get ready before I had to leave to work to get to work on time. In the shower, I noticed that I was still sick though. So I said to myself OK, hmmm I wonder what is going on now? Well, my throat had a major medical problem going back even almost ten years. For around ten years I had lived with this medical problem in my throat. I had to drink a bottle of medicine each day when I woke up, and also drink some when I went to bed. The medicine was very expensive which also put a lot of pressure on me. When I came out of the shower, I quickly got dressed because I noticed I still had the flu. I was about to walk to the refrigerator to drink the medicine and leave for work when I noticed that my throat was healed. Wow! Praise JESUS, he healed my throat completely. The funny thing is, the next day when I did drink a little medicine I quickly noticed that my throat was sick again. So I said to myself, uh oh, I better accept the healing from JESUS and don’t doubt him that I was healed. I threw away all of the medicine and my throat is still healed today after all of these years.
A year later, I was passing a lot of blood again while I used the bathroom, and at the same time, I had a terrible pain in my chest. While this was happening, I read an article about my friend in Florida who had a very similar medical problem a few years earlier. He prayed and commanded his problem to be healed, and it was healed! Fear tried to enter me that maybe I had cancer too like him, but I rebuked the fear and commanded myself to be healed too. As I commanded it to be healed and as I rebuked it in the name of JESUS, I felt it immediately get better! Over the next 24-36 hours it completely went away, and the blood stopped leaving my body too.
For the last seven years, I cant tell you how many times JESUS has blessed me with the best parking spots for my car wherever I go. It doesn’t matter how crowded the beach gets, and it doesn’t matter how crowded a store might be, he gives me the best parking spots closest to the store or my apartment time after time after time. Many times I even left my apartment at night time which the normal person would never dream of doing. The reason why is, you would quickly lose your parking spot. When you came back home with your car, it could take you up to one hour to find another parking spot driving through all of the streets of the city, this is how bad parking is where I live. JESUS has never let me down once. Many times I went to church at night time where I would then drive back home around 8pm. Many times I would pray for a parking spot even before I got to the church, but other times I waited to pray for a parking spot after church. Either way it didn’t matter, for who is more powerful then GOD? Hundreds and hundreds of times throughout the years JESUS has done one parking miracle after another after another for me.
Those gifts and miracles above are just a tiny example of what JESUS has been doing for me ever since I cried out to him for the second time in jail. What an incredible friend he is to us, and I could never repay him even if I had one millions years to try
THE LORD USES ME TO HELP OTHERS
About one month after I left the Half Way House, I ordered DSL internet for my brand new apartment. After a few years of being locked up in prison and jail, it was a lot of fun to surf the internet again, and to catch up on everything that was happening in the world on the internet. This is when another miracle happened. JESUS led me with one move of my mouse after another to a specific website where little did I know, I would be preaching there thousands upon thousands of times during the next ten year period. I never looked for a internet site to preach to people, it was just JESUS leading my mouse with one move after another until he got me to the specific site where he wanted to me help people.
I remember many years ago when I first started preaching to people on the internet, I was so excited, my spirit felt like it was vibrating a million miles a second. With my spirit feeling like it was on Hyper Fire for JESUS, I didn’t care how late at night it got, I would just keep preaching and teaching people until I would get completely spiritually drained at about 2-3am in the morning. It was all so new to me back then, and the brand new experience of JESUS using me to reach out and help other people was just absolutely incredible! Night after night, the LORD would type through me and speak through until the wee hours of the morning. I would rush home from work on the bus, take a quick shower and eat dinner as fast as I could, so I could log in and start preaching to people about how wonderful JESUS is, among hundreds of other topics too. Night after night, week after week, month after month and year after year I would sit at my computer keyboard allowing JESUS to type through my fingers at amazing speeds to his children all over the internet. Many nights I would teach and preach to people all the way to 3am or even 4-5am in the morning. Knowing that I had to wake up only a few hours later to go to work the next day, I would ask JESUS for his supernatural help with my sleeping and to give me supernatural energy which he always did for me. I would wake up a few hours later and head on out to work, only to race on home that night and start all over again spreading the wonderful news about JESUS all over the world. At times when the presence of JESUS was overwhelming in me, that is when the LORD would type through my fingers even at the speeds of 100-120 words a minute.
JESUS has given to me the exact spiritual gifts I would need to be able to help people that I most likely would never see. Whether it was through typing, or using the microphone or the telephone, the HOLY SPIRIT would give me wonderful insights and special knowledge and wisdom to know the truth of what really was going on in the persons life, or GOD would reveal to me incredible wisdom that would bless the person I was typing to or talking to quite incredibly. The more I preached, the stronger my gifts would get, so after a year or two of this, GOD was able to use me quite extensively to help others and the gifts that GOD had given me was really making the preaching and teaching much easier. Many times people tried to deceive me, but the HOLY SPIRIT would give me incredible knowledge or spiritual awareness of the real situation to where I was able to see right through their deception. This probably happened over 100 times. When the person on the computer was telling me one thing, I could then use my gifts to realize that what they were telling me wasn’t the truth. I would then real nicely and softly tell them the real truth, which they usually confessed to once they found out they were caught by GOD through me. Once the real truths would come out, now GOD could use me to type through me or speak through me to really help them with the difficult situations that the average person was facing in their lives. The HOLY SPIRIT knew that I would be a internet preacher, even before I was ever born, so praise GOD that he gave me the exact spiritual gifts that I would need to be able to help people whom I would most likely never meet or see face to face. I have 3-4 out of the 9 spiritual gifts mentioned by Paul in 1st Cor 12:8 which are all needed to be an internet and telephone preacher. I don’t think I have ever shared with anyone what gifts I have, I guess I will just keep that between myself and my first and only TRUE LOVE JESUS.
When I was about 10 years old, the elementary school that I was attending forced me to take a typing class. This was years and years before computers were invented for the average user at home. We never had a typewriter at home, and of course since computers weren’t invented yet, there was no way for myself to practice typing every day as all of the years passed by. I guess this is why JESUS had me to practice typing all the time either on my pillow as I laid in bed, or even on the desk I was sitting on in school throughout the years and decades that passed by. As the years passed by, GOD just kept encouraging me to practice my typing. No matter where I was or what I was doing, I would quite often keep typing with my little fingers on either my desk, or pillow, or bed, or whatever else I was sitting on or laying down on. Even at the age of 15 when I first started playing guitar, I would still move my fingers on invisible typewrite keys on a regular basis. GOD had a plan for me that would include typing, and he had imprinted my mind to keep practicing typing no matter where I was or what I was doing. I did this for decades until the right time when the LORD would have to type to people for real and to share those important Christian principals and lessons that the LORD himself was teaching me. In some ways, I was born to type, but that doesn’t mean that the LORD didn’t use me to speak to people too. Quite often when I met some new people on the internet to preach to, I would quickly switch them to the computer microphone or even the telephone on a regular basis, but it was with typing that the entire ministry work got started.
I was preaching and teaching people on the internet on just about every single topic that you could possibly imagine. A few of the more popular topics that the LORD used me to teach and help people with were - Divorce and Marriage - The Bible - Porn Addictions - Music and GOD - and especially Depression, Loneliness, and Sadness. Those are just a small sample of the thousands and thousands of preaching sessions that JESUS had used me for to help his church body. I preached to Muslims hundreds of times, to witches and Satanists hundreds of times, and to the Jewish people maybe even a thousand times. What was shocking to me though, was that after a few years of preaching full time on a nightly basis, the LORD clearly was telling me to preach to his Christian church or Christian people the most. It took me about a year to understand why JESUS wanted me to do this, but then it all became crystal clear to me. JESUS used me to teach the Christians why they were sad or lonely, why they felt depressed, why they were watching porn and on and on and on. JESUS wanted to use me among others to help educate his Christian body on why all of this was happening to them. So going on ten years of preaching, by far it is Christians whom I am speaking to the most. I was lonely almost my entire life, quite often living with severe loneliness and depression, so I guess this is why JESUS used me and uses me to talk to Christians about loneliness and depression so often. All of the experiences that JESUS had given to me throughout my life, he now used me to talk to other people who were going through the exact same problems and trials. I could now see why the LORD had allowed me go through so many different trials during my very difficult life, it was for my own good and to be able to help others. As the years passed by and I suffered with loneliness, depression, sadness, and a few different addictions from time to time, the LORD was preparing me for his use. JESUS was educating me on why this was happening and how to get rid of it so he could then use me to help others. I have preached thousands upon thousands of times to people, something that I could never do if I was a pastor of a real church building. It is on the internet where the LORD would be using me to teach and educate and encourage his church body.
JESUS had given me the love and anointing to be able to pray for other people. Some people call this being a prayer warrior, but that name is kind of cliche so I don’t feel comfortable using that terminology. Because the LORD had given me the grace to love to pray for others, he now used me on the internet hundreds upon hundreds of times to pray for people. I cant even begin to type how many people were blessed with internet prayers, it would take up many, many pages of this testimony. The LORD has been using me to pray for people on a full time basis working our way up towards ten years now. I love my brother’s and sister’s so much, but the LORD has taught me that I only love them because I have JESUS in me who is LOVE. Since I have JESUS in me, I am able to love my brother’s and sister’s enough to pray for them on a full time basis, and to encourage them and preach to them anytime any of them might have a need or problem.
The ministry work that JESUS uses me for I could honestly say, is the second greatest blessing in my entire life. The first would be JESUS himself, but the ministry work he has assigned me to is just the most wonderful blessing far surpassing anything else I have ever experienced. I am so thankful to JESUS for using me to help others, there is no other feeling in the world that describe how wonderful it is to encourage, pray and help others with their many problems and situations that life can bring.
Throughout all of the years of suffering with terrible emotional pain, loneliness, depression and suicidal thoughts, I could honestly say that it was all worth it after seeing how the LORD has used me for the last decade to help others with very similar problems. Even though those years and decades were just like living in pure hell starting at about the age of five, I say it was still all worth it now that I have seen some of the results of what JESUS is doing in me and how he is using me to help others.
When the LORD introduced me to my brand new ministry work many, many years ago, I preached every single night for about two years. I even preached when I was sad, lonely, depressed, broke with no money and even sick with the flu. It didn’t matter how I was feeling, because I wasn’t preaching about myself. I was talking to people about how wonderful JESUS is! Night after night the people could rely on me to be online, and I was always available to anyone anywhere if they needed help or prayer or encouragement. After two to three years of this, I started to take some breaks once in a while from preaching nightly, just to rest maybe one night, or to rent movies or anything else that I might of wanted to do. At around the five year point of preaching, I took some long breaks from internet preaching usually because I also found myself in some spiritual valleys, or I was experiencing some very tough times myself. Never more then 2-3 months would pass by though until I got right back to preaching to people again on the internet and the telephone. Praise JESUS for giving me the grace that I need each day to be able to help others, what an incredible feeling it is to know that GOD trusts me enough to speak to his people!
While preaching to tens of thousands of people, many times a man or woman would try to tell me that they didn’t believe in JESUS, or that JESUS wasn’t real. I would quickly go on to tell them that they were talking to a walking miracle! The man or woman would then say, "what do you mean"? And of course since JESUS has given to me such a powerful testimony, I would start off by telling them what kind of a man I use to be, and then explain to them how the LORD was transforming and changing my life and that he could easily do the exact same for you too.. There is nothing I can say to a non believer that would be more powerful then sharing my own testimony with them. Yes, I would quickly tell the Satanists or back slidden Christians for that matter that they were indeed talking to a real life miracle of JESUS, and that was the kind of preaching that they could never refute, that they could never reject, and that they could never say wasn’t true. My own life was all the proof that they needed to see just how wonderful, just how merciful, just how patient and just how awesome our GOD is!!!!
What an incredible GOD we have. A GOD of second and third chances. A GOD who is patient with us throughout the years of our lives while he allows us to experience all of the lessons that life has to teach. Praise to the ONE who holds us really tightly when we need him the most, JESUS! Praise to the one who blesses us every single day of our lives even while we ignore him, or don’t even believe in him, JESUS! Praise to the one who gave up his life for us in a terrible death on the cross, so we could live with him in Heaven for eternity if we just repent and believe in him, JESUS! Praise to the ONE who has been right by my side from the time that I was a new born baby, all the wayyyyyyyyy to tonight. The BEST friend that I have ever had or ever will have for all eternity................ JESUS
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