Thank you for protecting me my entire life O LORD.
Thank you for keeping me alive JESUS throughout the years of my life.
I remember when I was 19 years old and my fiancee' cheated on me multiple times and she finally left me.
I remember when she moved out O LORD, to say I was extremely suicidal was quite an understatement.
I remember LORD sitting in the dark night after night with a big sharp knife in my hand, just trying to get up enough courage to end my own life.
I wanted to kill myself when she left me, I did not want to live any longer that is for sure!
But you O LORD JESUS stepped in, You had other plans for me and my life.
I remember as month after month passed by living as an extremely suicidal person, just not wanting to live anymore, not wanting to breathe, not wanting to do anything anymore.
I can remember the pain and hurting just like all of this happened a few years ago, even though in reality, it was decades ago!
I remember the sadness, the loneliness, the depression, the despair and the feeling of death hanging over me like a very dark, very evil, very heavy blanket weighing me down day after day of my miserable life!
The darkness was so real attacking me, so thick, so powerful it was suffocating me! Of course at the age of 19, I had no idea what all of this was that was attacking me, no idea at all so I simply wanted to end my life as fast as possible.
I remember playing the sad music ever night after work while trying to get up the courage to kill myself with a knife!
I know if I had owned a gun at that time of my life it would of seemed to be easier to kill myself then cutting myself and bleeding to death with a knife.
Now I did not know it at the time O LORD, but you were there with me, you were right by my side every single second of those terrible, miserable, devastating nights of my life.
And you had mercy on me JESUS, you rained down mercy of my pathetic life for you are incredible LORD.
No matter how badly I thought I wanted to die, I just could not do it!
No matter how hard I was being pushed and encouraged to kill myself I just could not get the strength or ability to end my own life.
I could feel something was stopping me, but when I was 19 years old I had no idea who or what it was! I could tell week after week that something was actually stopping me from killing myself. Of course at that young age, I could not put my hand on what exactly it was. It was like a force stopping me from killing myself even though I wanted to end my own life quite badly!
Only years and years later did you finally teach me who and what it was that was stopping me from killing myself!
So all I can say JESUS is thank you!
Thank you for stopping me from killing myself!
Thank you JESUS for putting up a shield of protection around me so no matter how badly I wanted to die, I just could not do it!
Thank you JESUS for caring about me....... Nobody else on earth cared about me, but you did JESUS.
Thank you for caring enough about me to stop me from killing myself JESUS. Thank you for blocking the attacks from the enemies, thank you for being there for me even when I had no idea about you!
Thank you JESUS for giving me a second chance, and not just a second chance but chance after chance after chance of having life!
I remember many years later I found myself once again feeling very suicidal. Usually because another woman had broken up with me, or left me, or cancelled our wedding plans etc etc.
I remember wanting to die once again, just being overwhelmed with hurting, pain, loneliness and despair!
But you had mercy on me again O LORD JESUS, you rained down mercy on me again and stopped me from killing myself!
Even though JESUS I was much older this time, still I had no idea who you were or anything else about you either, yet you protected me, you put a shield around me and said no to death, no to suicide, no to the pain and hurtin........ You protected me JESUS.
I praise you JESUS, thank you for loving me when I did not even love myself!
Thank you for caring about me JESUS my entire life when nobody else ever cared about me!
Thank you for wanting me JESUS, for wanting to be with me when nobody else wanted to be with me!
You are worthy to be praise LAMB of GOD!
You JESUS are the LORD who saves lives, you are the one JESUS who loves us enough to pull us out of the deadly quicksand of sadness, loneliness, depression and despair, yes even suicide too and death!
You JESUS are the one who looks down from heaven and smiles over us when the entire world is trying to kill us, trying to hurt us, trying to give us terrible pain and suffering.
You care JESUS, you really care, you really and truly care about us so I praise you.
Then I remember a while later when I got arrested and my entire life was falling apart I found myself locked up in jail!
nobody knew O LORD except you that I was busy making secret plans once again on how to kill myself while locked up in jail.
But you JESUS are the LORD, nothing is secret to you!
So as I was making secret plans to kill myself in jail, you were declaring plans for my life out loud for all of the universe to hear JESUS.
I praise you JESUS that my secret plans to kill myself all failed!
I praise you JESUS once again for stepping into my sad, lonely, cold dark life and saying no, no to the evil, no to death!!!
I praise you JESUS once again for taking control of my life and slowly ever so slowly turning my entire life around!
After being suicidal for most of my adult life, now I am getting to know you JESUS so thank you for your grace, for your mercies, for your blessings and favor of giving me the chance to get to know you personally.
You are the LORD of second, third, and a multitude of chances for our lives.
You love me JESUS, you loved me even when I hated myself.......You love me JESUS even when I make myself sick.
You cherish me JESUS
You care O LORD, you really care about me, you care about me so much more than words could ever explain.
So I thank you once again for saving my life...... I am only alive right now JESUS because of your goodness.
I am only alive right now JESUS because someone cared about me, because you are that someone.
All I can say is thank you for thinking my life was worth saving JESUS, thank you.
All I can ever say to you JESUS is thank you!
I mean what else can I say to you JESUS............... Thank you. Thank you for saving my life!
In the process, thank you JESUS for saving my soul by giving me faith and trust in you too.
Thank you for caring JESUS. Thank you for caring about me, about my pathetic life, thank you for turning my entire life around, my entire soul around, my entire universe around....
I praise you JESUS and I want to be closer with you now.
I do not want to kill myself anymore JESUS all because of you!
I do not want to sin anymore all because of you LORD.
I do not want to live in sadness, loneliness and depression night after night all because of you JESUS.
Thank you JESUS for you are a life saver.
Thank you for turning this cold dark lonely life around into something that can bring you glory now O LORD!
So once again JESUS, thank you!
I just simply say thank you tonight!
Thank you for everything you have done for me JESUS, and thank you for everything that you will do for me!